Man Hate

Oh joy, oh rapture, I’ve received another piece of classic hate mail! I get complaints from time to time – some ridiculous and some legitimate – the vast majority of which I am happy to answer politely.  But occasionally I get one from a rude nitwit that doesn’t warrant a polite answer and when that happens, I bring it to you. Today is your lucky day.

The subject of today’s diatribe is the cartoon at left, which ran on Valentine’s Day, 2011. I’ve blurred the address, but I had to share the name because it seems particularly allegorical. Click the image of the letter below for a larger view.

Mr. Mann’s complaint is somewhat legitimate in that white males take a lot more comedy abuse than any other faction of our society. But the reason is simple: white males run the world. It is always more judicious to attack the top than the bottom. Attacking women,  children, ethnic or religious minorities, the disabled, etc., is kicking someone when they are down, so diplomatic comedians aim higher. It is also important to note that the funny pages of newspapers are a very conservative place. Getting away with a joke about sex is difficult enough even when the subject is a middle-aged married couple. If the man had delivered this line, it would have conjured up images of his asking for anal sex or bondage and the wife refusing – everyone knows that in general, men are more sexually perverse than women. (God, I hope that comment generates another wave of hate mail! Maybe from a dominatrix!)

Regarding Mr. Mann’s specific concerns, I admit that he is right on some accounts. Women have as many “foibles” as do men. Duh. But many also have a sense of humor about themselves and their sex. But most people of either sex are less good humored about these issues within their own relationship. I can get away with poking fun at women in general (as I will in my March 25th cartoon, which I cannot yet share with you) but I may not be able to get away with poking fun of my wife in person. That’s just the way things work, Mr. Mann.

My guess is that Mr. Mann has not had the best of luck in bed with Mrs. Womann and is taking it out on me. I’d also guess he is a regular listener of Rush Limbaugh. That’s fine. If slapping a faceless cartoonist makes his day a little more bearable, count me in.

Lastly, he accuses me of being a “metrosexxual castrati.” I’ve never been quite certain what a metrosexual (even with one “x”) is, but my desktop dictionary defines it as a “a young, urban, heterosexual male with liberal political views, an interest in fashion, and a refined sense of taste.” It says nothing about the presence or lack of testicles. Personally, I take that description as a compliment, but I don’t fit firmly in all of the mentioned categories. I’m not young, I am urban and heterosexual, I have liberal political views, I have an interest in fashion as far as what I wear goes but have fair disdain for the world of fashion in general, and I have put some thought into my sense of taste, though I’m not sure if one would call it “refined.” I still have both testicles, but I’ve had a vasectomy, and I like women but am not afraid of their opinion of me. So what does that make me? I welcome your suggestions or epithets.

The offensive cartoon above can be found on many offensive products here.

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51 thoughts on “Man Hate

  1. Great! I totally agree with you… I’m liberal, urban/suburban (as we can get in Dallas) and love your sense of humor. Mr. Mann needs to take a chill pill.

  2. This female Canuck things he should take his exlax so he can put his crap where it belongs!

    Making fun of your own class is a “safe” target in today’s society. It would be okay for me to make fun of Canada’s navy, but if an American dared to do it, they’d get growled at. It would be okay for me to crack a joke about women that would get a man turned into said testicleless abomination of grammar.

    But seriously, you’d think this guy would have better things to do with his time.. I know, I know, I’m a hopeless optimist at heart.

  3. Is it me…or was this letter actually TYPED-up on a REAL Typewriter….? It looks like it came from the 1960s….I’m willing to bet this guy is living in a bomb shelter built in a basement of his house….

  4. Reading that letter, I am reminded of the hilarious complaint mail parodies in various Monty Python episodes, including this one: “Dear BBC, East Grinstead, Friday. I feel I really must write and protest about that sketch. My husband, in common with a lot of people of his age, is fifty. For how long are we to put up with these things. Yours sincerely, E. B. Debenham (Mrs)”.

  5. I wonder if Guy is related to a character from a first person narrative I wrote in college – Hugh Mann. If he is, Hugh & Guy need to have a sitdown. Hugh was struggling with life, but managed to push through and see a silver lining here or there (maybe even an occasional triple rainbow). Guy seems to be on a different level. I applaud your willingness to take the brunt of instability in order to assist the Guys of the world through their struggle (“If slapping a faceless cartoonist makes his day a little more bearable, count me in.”). I am also fascinated by a new addition to my vocabulary: CASTRATI. I googled said vocab word and got this: “A male singer castrated before puberty so as to retain a soprano or alto voice.” My computer dictionary also added that the practice was banned in 1903. At first I thought the term referred to some secret, illuminati-esque society of nutless wonders. Anyway, back to my reality – a world filled with law books and void of castrati (or at least they would have me believe).

    I pray to the spaghetti monster that Guy Mann finds a woman (or a man) to mend his tattered heart. He has obviously been stomped on by some she-devil (or a herd of them) and, while some men deserve such treatment, I wish most of them an eventual recovery.

    [p.s., Hey Biazrrrrro, when are you going to be Bold, Brave, Brazen and publish some more of my genius cartoon ideas? The last one was the highlight of my year and I could always use some more highlights (how metrosexxual of me).]

    Res ipsa loquitur

  6. I’m always surprised that people get offended about a cartoon. It only takes a couple seconds to read and then it’s over. If it wasn’t funny, no loss. If it is funny, you remember the chuckle all day. The funny pages are a great service to mankind, and people still fuss. Limbaugh has a very good sense of humor and often laughs about white males as the only “safe” joke fodder these days. Too bad Mr. Mann doesn’t have the same sense of humor about it. The most humor impaired person I know is a liberal new age feminist. I love to tell her blonde jokes. I also told her this classic

    Q:How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: That’s not funny!

    She didn’t like it.

  7. I’m more offended by the piece of blueberry pie that has been haphazardly thrown under the bed by this careless couple.

    That, and the judicious use of exclamation points (40) and question marks (12) by Mr. Mann strike me as excessive – especially since he apparently still has a manual typewriter.

  8. It amuses and amazes me that people actually sends hate mail. Mostly, it scares me. Especially hate snail mail.

    But then I’ve never been properly provoked by a joke either; I find an unfunny joke to be more provoking than a joke that stretches itself to be provocative.

    Is this letter actually written on a type writer? And copy in the Comic? That is pure hate mail dedication.

    Also, was it you or him that «hearted» the comic?

  9. My guess is that he is either a cuckold or his wife has recently left him after years of his oafish behavior. Sour Grapes no matter how you have your wife peel them!!

  10. In response to your final question: So what does that make me? The answer from a ruralsexual female- DESIRABLE

    Mr. Mann needs a sense of humor booster shot.

    • If he did live in NJ I would imagine that he have been from a very rural part of it, either southern or north western. I can’t imagine that kind of white bread misogyny (with a manual typewriter no less) living in the industrial corridor.

  11. I think you’ re right, Dan – Mr Mann is not getting any. There’s a certain kind of ranting misogyny that only seems to come from someone who hasn’t gotten laid since 2002, and who has *never* gotten laid the way he secretly feels he deserves – the way they do it in his favourite porn. You could feel sorry for guys (sorry, that should be “Guys”) like this if they weren’t such poisonous jerks.

  12. My favorite part of this letter? That it was clearly TYPED. On a typewriter. By a guy who probably refuses to use a newfangled computer because his IBM Selectric suits him just fine, thank you!

  13. I would have to agree with you on this one. Than again I don’t tend to disagree with you. I think Mr Mann feel a little uncomfortable with is state of “real” man. Maybe he even had trouble in the Menu section of is private life. Like many “Man” he is probably afraid to turn fruity if he get into that metro sexual craze and will loose its Brut 33 flair.

    If it’s any kind of consolation … I really like your work. I think its very intelligent humour. I often stop to think what your intentions were and what went trough you mind. I appreciate a deeper work sometime.

    Keep up the good work!

    Charles-Henri Bissonnette

    Canadian, French, White, Male, Metro sexual and the butt of most jokes.

  14. Dear Mr. Mann. See, here’s the deal: Mr. Bizarro writes what we call “comics.” You might want to look that up in your dictionary; I suspect you will see the word “funny” in there somewhere. If Mr. Bizarro drew a cartoon with the punchline you suggested, it would definitely be NOT funny. Then he probably wouldn’t get paid. Simple, really.

    Get counseling, Mann. You obviously need it.

  15. Dan,

    You are a very funny, exceptionally intelligent man. You have many fans who admire your work as well as your world view. In short, you are winning, (I am not Charlie Sheen, by the way) . Reading Mr. Mann’s letter to you I found it difficult to feel anything other than sadness for the poor fellow. He is obviously in a great deal of pain and most likely does not have a very nice life. His attempts to insult you were small and pathetic. I hope you will not let his feeble verbal assault get under your skin. Keep up the good work! :)

  16. =v= Times are such that our standard-bearer of the patriarxxy had to type the letter himself. You can tell because there’s no lowercase initials at the bottom, indicating a woman doing menial chores for him, including spell-check.

  17. I find it interesting that it took him three pen strokes to draw the heart.

    I’m afraid that you should be castigated (though not castrated*) for printing a letter containing so many explanation points. There is a world wide shortage of exclamation points and reproducing this letter where hundreds of thousands of computers will display it in unconscionable.

    * Unless it would improve your singing in which case you should go for it.

  18. I’m guessing this letter was meant as a parody.

    “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of [a letter from a crackpot] that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.”

    http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law

    Are you sure they used a real typewriter? The letters are too well-aligned, and I don’t see any corrections.

    Also, the punctuation around the word “easy” in the last sentence is the classically-correct way I learned to do it in typing class. This is no mere crackpot ranting on a typewriter.

  19. Alrighty! I read all the other comments but you all seemed to miss an important fact. How did Guy (with his manual typewriter) manage to view this cartoon in the first place? I will lose sleep over this.

  20. Touchy, touchy, touchy.

    I saw the cartoon and thought it was pretty funny, since in my experience, it is usually the guy whining about the dearth of menu options available from his partner.

    However, what I thought most of all was that it was a clever use of techonbabble in the bedroom. But, then, what the hell would I know about what is or isn’t funny?

  21. I envy your typewriter-written hate mail! I would frame that thing and hang it on the wall.

    On another note, making fun of people “when they are down” can be good comedy (or just cruel, or both…). But in a conservative field like yours it would probably kill your carieer. Have a look at british comedian Frankie Boyle (he’s all over MyYouFaceVid) for an example of such comedy that is not carieer-murdering.

  22. Well Don,

    The first thing I’d do is send that guy some white out. The next thing I’d do is request that he critique every comic.

    I might also tell him that your name is Dan but that’s just me. I always get more joy from personally directed lunatic ravings.

    Guy Mann is either a fake name or the whole reason that Mr. Mann has no sense of humor. What kind of parents would do that to their child?

  23. I had never before thought of Bizarro as an example of art work from the Gelded Age

    At least the woman depicted in the cartoon didn’t talk about a drive-thru menu.

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