The End (For Real This Time)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The End of the World.

This is my favorite Wayno cartoon during this week of guest cartooning that he so graciously did for me. I love the drawing and the gag is one of those that makes me hate him because I wish I’d thought of it first. DAMN YOU, WAYNO!

But hold on, Mr. Clown, don’t jump yet! Tomorrow is the end of the world, according to some 3000+ billboards all around North America. According to a brilliant Bible-mumbo-jumbo-figurer-outer, Harold Camping, at a certain time on Saturday night, all of the “true believers” will be swept up into the sky to their heavenly reward (rapture!) and the rest of us (yes, I include myself in the number of those left behind) will be left among the apocalyptic chaos wondering what happened. Harold and his ilk say that the rest of us will then have a few months to realize that they were right all along (sweet victory!) and sign up for Jesuspalooza so we can be saved when Dr. J returns to incinerate the wicked. It’s going to be this year’s biggest blockbuster, so bring your 3-D glasses.

On the positive side of this story, if you act quickly you can sack the homes of the “raptured” citizens and enjoy some of their stuff for the summer. That is, if you can find a “true believer” who has stuff that you’d want. There won’t be much to choose from here in NYC because there are so few trailer parks* here, but I might get lucky and find an abandoned car with the keys still in it. You never know. One of my readers said that Saturday’s Rapture is sponsored by Depends adult diapers. I know that if I was suddenly swept up into the sky I’d crap my pants for sure.

For anyone curious about how so many people can continue to fall for this kind of fairytale nonsense, a terrific, short article from the Montreal Gazette about cognitive dissonance can be found here.

Wayno’s ongoing description of his guest week is here.

Whether you’re flying through the sky Saturday night or standing on the ground pointing up at your sanctimonious neighbors, you’re going to want to be well dressed! All manner of Bizarro cartoons on fine products here.

*My “trailer park” comment is not meant to insinuate that all Christians live in trailer parks, only that those who follow Rev. Camper’s schedule of events are more likely to live in one that the rest of us.”

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62 thoughts on “The End (For Real This Time)

  1. Just for the record, his name is Harold Camping. He’s from my neck of the woods. I happen to be a Christian who believes in the “rapture,” but this guy’s a crackpot. For what it’s worth. Just thought I’d let you know. I have plans for Monday. :)

  2. I am a serious fan of Bizarro and a serious student of Bible prophecy as well. Herold Cramping is providing yet another reason for the world (and a lot of organized religion) to mock the Bible and the awesome prophecy contained therein. If serious inquiry is desired, check the website above. Meanwhile, I laugh along with you on this one, and could even be ROTFL if the subject weren’t so serious. JDB

    • You are so right. I know for myself I’m trying to not to have contempt for those who bought into Mr. Camping’s theories. I’ve had lots of warped ideas myself and I may very well still have some that I don’t know about yet. I just hope that when I discover them, I’ll discard them by emailing them to Dan P. for him to redeem them for a laugh and a few extra slices of pie.

  3. Does the rapture party/festival mean that we can ban religious people from driving and flying planes tomorrow? In one of your pictures it illustrates all the religious people going to heaven and the rest of the world in post-apocalyptic calamity. Or even if we could just ban those nut jobs driving those goofy vans with the decal wraps saying, “The Bible Guarantees It.”

    • Sorry, I thought it was funny. I didn’t mean to imply that ALL Christians are from trailer parks, just that the folks who follow nuts like Camping are more likely to come from there than the rest of us. Some members of my own family have lived in trailers, by the way, so I know of what I speak.

  4. My favourite Wayno was Thursday’s, with the two guys wearing team shirts with their favourite athlete’s names. Also, one guy had a shirt that said “Fudd,” and that was the name of a band I was in during the 1970s.

  5. Loved wayno ! Our neighborhood in Signal Hill, Ca. Is having a big yard sale. Can’t take all this junk with us. Ha Ha! I call myself Piñata Women. Love,Love,Love your Piñata Comics! Please do more. Your # 1 Mexican Fan . Love Sylvia

  6. The ‘real’ Bible scholars know that this date is unknown according to scriptures … But I need a car too … so anyone who wants to sign their title over in anticipation of not needing it after the Rapture … I will say thank you in advance. Going to Live each day like it’s my last regardless of the ‘predictions.’ :)

  7. Not to get overly scatological, but could you comment on the use of “crap my pants” vs “crap IN my pants”? It has always confused me, even as a baby.

  8. So I finally will get to feel what it’s like to live in a Hieronymous Bosch painting. I wonder if it comes in 3D? I’m trying to figure out how to clean my soul…I guess I’ll kill myself while I’m in the shower. Anyhow, looking forward to the ruckus. And the embarrassed faces of the un-raptured. 15 hours and counting to score some major swag..just need to find the people with the smug, “I know something that you don’t” look then ask them to give me their cars. And sign a contract that will stand up in court so I don’t have to give it back.%}

    S.A.F.

  9. I’m not denying that these Rapture nuts are, well… nuts. But if you don’t mind my asking, Dan, why don’t you ever satirize religious freaks of other faiths? Like say Scientology or Islam?

    • I suppose it is because in this country, Christianity is the most common religion and relates to the most people. As far as I’m concerned, there is no difference in any religion, new or old. They’re all as ridiculous as the next and as ludicrous as sacrificing things to a volcano in hopes of controlling the weather.

  10. Thanks for sending the blog. You are too funny. My hubby is a Presbyterian minister and he was hoping for the rapture just so he wouldn’t have to write a sermon….but alas he did anyway! Guess he wasn’t believing it was true along with all the rest of Charleston SC. Haven’t seen ANY signs down here in the “Bible Belt” but my son said they are all over Wyoming! Hey, we are planning on shagging on the pier tomorrow night with friends, so at least we will be dancing and having fun during the rapture! The Shag is the South Carolina state dance, by the way. You definitely need to come to Charleston sometime. Oh, but you better hurry if we are raptured tomorrow!!

    Tita

  11. Dan, Will you continue to publish Bizarro for me and the other poor souls left behind? With sinners being the only ones left, there should be enough material to write about until, well, doomsday. Besides, someone has to record these events for posterity.

    Cheers,

    John

  12. What I find funny is the laid back attitude of some of the people interviewed who believe the rapture is upon us, its like,”yeah, well If it don’t happen Saturday like the last time, what was it? 10 years ago? Maybe it’ll be in the next decade, and no, I’m not selling my house or giving away all my worldly posessions. Sounds like they’re talking about a Labor day picnic barbeque that may or may not happen.

  13. This is Rapture Eve. We should party like there is no tomorrow!

    On the other hand, Rapture Eve sounds kind of like a feminine hygiene product.

  14. I tend to think of these EOTW (End of the World or “Eotows”—patent pending) prophesies and followers as Optimistic pessimistic mystics and they somehow find a way to keep trying. Kind of how the Cubs keep trying or the Buffalo Bills a few seasons ago. Up to that point most of these groups have a pretty good chance that the world will end and it just so happens that it will happen on that date! Boy will the naysayers be sorry! If they were gamblers, they would be high stakes gamblers that never really win and sadly have to find a job somewhere that will give them some spending money until the next Eotow. Kind of like the kid in high school that postponed his oral report in front of the class because he knew that a snowstorm would cancel that particular school day. “Why bother with that report? I’ll have time to do it on the day off…” Now that kid is somewhere working at a burger place yelling at kids all day. But I digress…

    I gave up on predictions when they canned Jimmy the Greek, who in all honesty was not that good of a prognosticator. I remember distinctly one halftime that he switched his guess….and his “new” team lost.

    People generally are fools to begin with, especially me, but sometimes you just have to go with the flow and see where life leads ya. Not knowing is part of the fun of life.

  15. Well, it is now about 2:30 pm SATURDAY 5/21/11 on Christmas Island. We’re still here! Is the Rapture time sensitive? Or will it be a rolling event? If there is a time certain (I’ve heard 6:00 pm), in which time zone? See ‘ya Monday!

    • Just noticed the time stamp on my earlier post. It’s 5/21/2011 @ 12:32 am. Where am I? Maybe I’ve left California and don’t know it.

  16. I suppose we can be thankful that Camping and his…er…camp don’t appear to be planning to do anything to precipitate the rapture. Let’s face it: 20th/21st century prophets have a bad habit of leaving a trail of death in their wake.

    Upside to the rapture: an end (I hope) to the blood-curdling version of Christian-themed music some rapturettes seem to favour. Hope can I describe it? Hootie and the Blowfish with less soul (no pun intended). Acoustic guitar and baseball required.

  17. I love religious folks: they are quick to point out how wrong people are who believe or worship differently than they do. The emphasis on judgement in Christianity (in my opinion) comes from the Old Testament–Alan Watts said that ‘every Christian is a Jew but no Jew is a Christian’ (unless they converted, yadda, yadda). Underneath the New Covenant lurked all the sex and mayhem and damnation from the Old Testament–this forms the grist for their theological mill, and used to keep the faithful in line. Jesus wasn’t a Christian, largely because his Jewish sensibility made him aware that he was a really tough act to follow (rimshot!).

  18. Strange how these end-of -timers are so selective in their bible reading. Jesus himself (in bright red letters) proclaimed the world would end during the (so called) 1st century in 8 different passages and 3 different contexts. Here’s one for starters:

    Matthew 16:

    27] For the Son of man is to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay every man for what he has done.

    [28] Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom.”

    It gets rougher and more explicit in Matthew 24:

    [29]”Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken;[30] then will appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory;

    [31] and he will send out his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.

    NOW FOR THE KICKER:

    [34] Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away till all these things take place. !!!!!

    And then there’s Luke 9:

    [26] For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

    [27] But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.”

    The Matthew bit is essentially repeated in Luke 21: 27, 32.

    There are several more prophetic passages but Bible Study is over for today.

    Still believe the bible is the word of God?!

    • >>>>Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away till all these things take place. !!!!! <<<<

      Don't mock until you check your facts! There are obviously some very old people living in the Middle East somewhere, and until they die, this is completely, 100% true.

      • You should definitely publish your “Facts”. What a sensation it will produce when you present these over 1900 year old individuals to the world! Will probably make the cover of the Globe — if they don’t have another UFO landing.

    • You are truly a gifted artist, Dan! I love your work. I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality, but am compelled to address previous comment…”The kingdom of God” refers not to Heaven, as would be supposed, but to the work of grace upon the hearts of those who would put their trust in Him, while still living . Not all true Christian believers are wackjobs, and many, such as myself, are horrified over the shenanigeins of heretics like Mr. Camping.

  19. totally off topic, but where you keep the burka comix? I esp. love the one with the one lady sneezing (temporarily inflating her burka) and the other one with them posing in front of the grand canyon….still think there is something funny that can be done with ladies in burkas, combined with the mystifying stick figures you see in the back windows of minivans (usually) to indicate, Mom, Dad, Buddy, Sis, Fluffy, Fido. Dunno, I bow down at the feet of The.Cartoon.Master!

  20. I’ve decided that come Monday, if I hear anyone who sounds disappointed that the Rapture didn’t happen, I’m going to do my level best to convince them that the Rapture did, indeed, happen, and that they and their friends and family were all just Left Behind(TM).

    “Oh, yeah! Didn’t you hear? The entire city of Detroit just… disappeared!”

    • I plan to do the same thing. Especially if I see another preaching christian on my bus, after may 21. HAH ……

      Everyone else is going to have a good laugh.

  21. Monday will sure be a letdown for these dolts, driving to work in pissy moods, and having to deal with the Real World.

  22. Well, it’s 5pm “tomorrow” here in New Zealand. I don’t know what the time is at your end, but I can confirm that we are still here. Unless this is hell, and I haven’t noticed. It would figure that the Bizarro blog was available in hell. So is liquorice. Yum! Can’t complain.

      • (Gosh – better not swear at this time -, my previous comment sounds like a media conspiracy theory. What I meant was, maybe Rupert Murdoch is co-ordinating with the devil in a team effort…? )

  23. Pingback: Is it over yet? « Beezelbarb

  24. At first it seems funny that we keep coming across supposed dates where the world will supposedly “end”, but then again, one has to take into consideration all the garden-variety incompetence that our world constantly upholds. Smart people cannot continue to be refferred to as smart of there are no inane individuals to express derisiveness towards.

    I would gladly say the world was going to end if it meant that you would buy some of my [word similar to excrement] I have on your dusty supermarket shelves.

    But, the sad truth is, this will continue to occur for all the years to come, the incorrect predictions, the folks claiming to be prophets desperately trying to capture the innocent minds of inane dissenters….

    Until the true end, I will continue to reluctantly roll up my joints, urinate on public toilet seats, continue failing high school, continue being cynical and best of all, to boot up a less than impressive computer with 3 different brand components and a slow operating system, just so I can read some Bizarro comics.

    :l

      • Many years ago it tried to. If memory serves me correctly, some other crackerjack pious sort predicted the end of the world on a particular date and time. London bookies (because this is just what they do) posted very long odds on the proposition — and three people actually took the bet!!!

        Question was if they won how would they collect?

      • “There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” –Douglas Adams

  25. I suppose if this Rapture that everyone’s talking about removes people like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck from my life then I’m okay with a few months of hell, ’cause, honestly, listening to people like that bray on and on like idiots is kinda like hell.

  26. Love your work Dan. I just wanted to post one of my favorite quotes…

    “The very word ‘Christianity’ is a misunderstanding- in truth, there was only one Christian, and he died on the cross.”

    – Friedrich Nietzsche

  27. So nice to be an agnostic – don’t have to spend any energy vociferously quoting Bible passages that disprove the EOTW-ers. Interesting to see the supposedly ‘true’ Christians scrambling to present the ‘correct’ side of the story. To some of us, it seems merely another side of the same pointless coin. You’re right, Mr. Piraro, each religion is as ridiculous as the next.

  28. I’m sorry, but i find this comic to be very offensive and not funny in the least. Suicide is very serious and nothing to joke about ever. A comic strip would never publish a gag about rape, so why would they about someone killing themselves. It’s disturbing and makes a joke out of anyone who has dealt with suicide in any form, be themselves or someone they know. It is such a bummer because I liked Wayno’s other strips that were featured by Bizarro and I really like Bizarro too. But this is terrible.

    • Benny—This is obviously a sensitive subject for you. Point taken. But surely the cartoonist was not trying to offend. I’m sorry you have pain in this area. (Just my 2c, Dan).

  29. Pingback: Yes, Person Reading This, There is a Monkey Planet | Seth Madej : Writer | Producer | Comedian

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