Erect Bum House










Bizarro is brought to you today by Neanderthal SuperCuts!

A reader from New Zealand wrote to me and asked me to post her favorite comic of mine from years ago. I think this cartoon may have been published in Scandinavia at some point so maybe she saw it there or in a past episode of this blog. Not sure. So here it is, in all its glory. She didn’t say why this is her favorite; perhaps this is a common pick-up line in the land of the kiwi.

Here’s Friday’s comic, and one that I’m particularly fond of. Like most people whose brain is connected to its stem, I hate TV commercials. But the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials are actually kind of funny. So here’s an amusing little spoof (that word again! LOVE it!) of those commercials entitled “The Most Interesting Bum in the World.” Please enjoy it responsibly. If you’ve not seen these commercials (because many of my readers are not living in the U.S. or don’t have TVs), here is one now.

This last cartoon proposed some art challenges. I wanted to somehow depict a house that looked normal from the outside but had such incredibly thick walls that there was no room inside. This was the best I could do with the concept. I hope it came across. It certainly is not a thigh-slapper, but not every cartoon is (or can be.) I just like to let my mind wander and draw the things that catch my imagination or amusement. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t.

Say what you will about this house, it would cost nothing to heat or cool.

MOTORCYCLE CRASH UPDATE SPECIAL REPORT: Thanks for everyone’s kind words. You’re sweet. People have been asking how we’re doing and I’m happy to report we are doing better. Both of us are still really sore and walking around like a couple of octogenarians after a weekend on ecstasy at Lollapalooza. CHNW is still really sore with a HUGE bruise on her hip, about the size of a watermelon and the color of a raw steak. She’s limping around pretty badly but we hope it isn’t permanent. X-rays showed no break, so she should be okay. Here is the actual doctor actually looking at her actual X-ray. I wonder if this passes as porn for docs?

Other bad news is that my mechanic says my beloved bike is totaled. It would take as much as it’s worth to rebuild it back to its former glory. The problem with a classic bike in mint condition is that you can’t just go out and replace it. I’m really depressed about that, but as they say, at least we are alive and healing. Yay and boo hoo.

Here are Bizarro comics on favorite household items. Yay!


29 thoughts on “Erect Bum House

  1. Dan – On the question of Doctor Porn or not. I noticed that the doctor has one hand below the table so you may be on to something. The bike is totaled because of the shop rates. If it was a one year old bike and it fell over in the driveway it would also be totaled. Get the bike back. Most things you can fix yourself or maybe trick someone else into fixing it.

    Find someone like me who works cheap and wants to see that bike fixed properly. I would really like to see pictures of the damage.

    • Thanks, Kevin. My mechanic is a super guy, very knowledgeable and honest. I bought the bike from him and he made me promise to keep bringing it to him over the years to make sure it is taken care of properly. He loves it as much as I do. One way or another we’re going to work together to restore it. Several parts have to be sourced and brought in to replace the ones that were destroyed. Other things can be repaired. Any way you cut it, it’s no longer a museum piece, which it was until last Monday.

  2. Sorry to hear about your bike…(and your bodies, too).

    While camping last weekend at Champoeg State Park in Oregon, we found ourselves in the midst of a vintage BMW bike rally. Probably 100 or so bikes from the 1950’s to current models (most I would put in the 60’s-70’s range) and I thought instantly of your bike.

    It was a customer appreciation event for Bavarian Motorcycle Service located in Dundee, Oregon. Apparently, the owner has quite the national following and there were riders from all over.

    He fixes and restores bikes, so if you ever want to look into replacing yours give him a google.

    • I put various little things in odd places. A piece of pie, and eyeball, a stick of dynamite, etc., appear in most panels somewhere. Just something fun to look for.

  3. Hi Dan,

    I know you are a single frame / panel cartoonist. But for your last cartoon if you were to show another frame with an Eskimo crawling into an Igloo with the exact opposite remark “This house looks way smaller on the outside” I think the thought would’ve been complete.



  4. Get an electric bike [better range than the ecars if it has Ultracapacitors]! So glad you were wearing helmets. When my brother and his wife were in a car wreck they thought of replacing their sedan with a Marauder [q.v.], but saner heads prevailed. Just watch those pain meds, they can be hard to manage. The side effects of opiates are easier on vegans than carnivores, but are still consequential. Get Healthy!

  5. Hi. I’m glad you two are OK. Good excuse to get a BETTER bike!

    This is also a really late answer to your earlier question about the length of blog posts. As you can see, I tend to save up and read multiple entries when I get a chunk of time. (It’s been busy lately.) I love the long blog posts, but to be honest, I probably only read 1 in 5. If it makes you feel any better, I read more of your blog posts than I read all newspapers, magazines and other blogs combined. And I just barely read more in the way of books. So your blog is a close second when I have time to read at all.

  6. My heart bleeds for your bike. Some things can’t be replaced. And I agree with Kevin. That photo is a bit dodgy. Especially if the doctor is thinking what the Neanderthaler is saying. Now CHNW is even beyond naked. All over the internet. Have you no shame?

  7. The wife of a guy at work was in a motorcycle accident with her Harley and it was pretty badly damaged. They could have gotten it fixed, but several people told them that the bike would never be the same, especially because it had custom parts and all that stuff. They ended up getting her a brand new one.

  8. The “Thick Insulation” cartoon made me think of the experimental novel “House of Leaves” by Mark Z. Danielewski, in which a house is much bigger on the inside than it appears on the outside. If you haven’t already done so, I highly recommend that you read it. Weird, obtuse, puzzling, complex and altogether fascinating, I think it’s right up your alley.

  9. Thanks for the link to the Dos Equis commercial. We do live in the US, and we do have a TV, but we had never seen this ad, and the cartoon had us utterly mystified!

  10. I rather liked the caveman joke, Dan, specially with all this recent stuff about us European Cromagnons having Neanderthal and Denisovan DNA – I guess Cromagnon chicks just CAVED in more easily!

    Now I dare you to do a gay cave bar sequel featuring Homo erectus!

    I also thought the big/little house was a good take on the way real estate agents spin the houses they’re selling, and actually funnier than you seem to think in a quite satirically savage, puckering of lips kind of way.

  11. I thought the same thing: “House of Leaves.” Very memorable, though it’s been years since I read it.

    Sooo sorry about the bike. Seriously hope you and the lovely CHNW feel much better soon!

  12. Pingback: Primitive Pick-up Lines (bizarro) « This Too Shall Pass

  13. Glad you and CHNW didn’t get seriously hurt (can a cartoonist get “seriously hurt?”). Riding a motorcycle is like having sex without a condom: it feels great but you might end up with sores.

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