Toll Phone Super Tramp


Bizarro is brought to you today by Pickup Artist.

It’s funny how men just buy stuff for women they find attractive. CHNW will be standing at a lunch counter waiting for a take-out order, which usually includes lunch for me, her husband, and she’ll strike up a conversation with some guy standing there waiting for his food, too, and when her bill comes, he’ll pay for it. She says, “thanks,” gathers her food and comes home. And of course, she never has to pay for a drink in a bar if she doesn’t want to. I guess I should send her car shopping sometime and see if she can score a new BMW. This doesn’t happen to men so I’ve no idea what it must be like. And I’ve never tried this approach on women myself, so I don’t know if it ever pays off. Perhaps there are women who will sleep with a stranger because he bought them something. I don’t think I’d be interested in a woman like that. I want a woman who is attracted to me for my thrift.

For some stupid reason, when I drew the cartoon at left, I used the term “PDA” instead of “phone.” That’s the way it appeared in newspapers. A reader wrote to me and asked if anyone still says PDA, and why I didn’t just say “phone.” Of course. Duh. I don’t know what I was thinking. So I changed it for this post. I’ll have to remember that if this cartoon ever gets into a book.

Speaking of books, I have a really fun new book out, all about comic book super heroes. Please order a bunch for holiday gifts or whatever. If this damn thing doesn’t sell, I’ll be living in a box under the Brooklyn Bridge and never get another publishing contract. The book comes with my personal guarantee: If you don’t think this is a terrific product, I’ll personally give you permission to just get rid of it and forget all about it.

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To complete today’s post, here is another cartoon about a pick-up artist. I’ve never hit on a woman in a bar in my life, and I’ve spent most of my 78 years in bars. I suppose it is because I don’t trust women who go home with guys they met in a bar. Being introduced to someone through a mutual acquaintance is a different thing altogether, but to walk up to a woman in a bar with some line makes me feel like a stalker. It just seems really creepy. Although the biggest reason people under a certain age even go to bars is to be picked up so I’m obviously being too judgmental. I guess it just isn’t my thing.

If you’re a woman who has been successfully picked up in a bar, let me know what the guy said as in introduction. I can’t think of anything that doesn’t reek of Ted Bundy.

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22 thoughts on “Toll Phone Super Tramp

  1. Does your wife have a rooster on her arm? That’s lovely! I’d love to see a better picture of it, the colours are brilliant.

  2. When I saw the tollbooth cartoon, I was immediately reminded about the tollbooths that used to be on the Southern State parkway at the city line in Valley Stream. They were eliminated back in the early 1970’s, but at the time, they were only a dime, so plenty of people would give the attendant 20¢ “for the guy behind me”, whether they knew them or not.

      • And while I’m here commenting on the Hendricks picture, I’ll just 2nd Rupert’s comment too (though maybe I’d have tried to say it a little more eruditely).

        You’ve got it good, Dan.

        And the “attracted to me for my thrift” line is going to make me chuckle for hours.

  3. …but, Dan, you have come up with such a great pickup line… /files/uploads/2011/09/Primitive-Pick-Up.jpg (Yep, I’m STILL laughing about that one…)

  4. And I always used to wonder would “walking up to a female” or “paying for a female’s drink” ever work?? I mean who incepted that concept so much that its a popular script in almost all movies. Ted Bundy maybe. Its just not logical.

  5. One time, late in the evening, I told a tool booth operator that I was paying for the person behind me as well. Figured I would save the poor schmoe some time. No such luck – he sat at the booth for twice as long as it would have taken just to pay. My wife told me not to do it any more, for fear of being shot at. I guess stranger things have happened.

  6. We actually had a long discussion about this on a MMORPG radio broadcast a few months ago. In game, guys will often do things for girls for free that they’d charge men loads of money. And we basically boiled it down to it makes them feel good to make a girl feel good.

    And hey, there IS that .0001% chance she’ll say “Oh my goodness! You enchanted my sword for free?? You’re the most awesomest guy EVER!” and want to sleep with them.

  7. Re: Pick up lines…

    Last weekend I was out with a group of mates in a pub, and my flat mate came up to us all in a fit of hysterics and said:

    ‘While I was waiting at the bar, I was standing next to a man who delivered two of the worst pick up lines in a barrage of badness!’; firstly:

    Him: Is your name Gillette?

    Her: What?

    Him: Your name MUST be Gillette because you’re the best a man can get!

    She sighed, ordered her drink and and ignored him….

    it was all soon followed by:

    Him: So do you have kids?

    Her: Fuck off!

    Him: Well, if you don’t have kids- wanna make some?

    Upon returning to our table, she told all of us the story, and for the rest of the night our group was cracking onto her with the worst lines we’d ever heard….. was bloody good fun! :P

    Joking or not?!- what a complete knobjockey! :P

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  10. Hey man, I really like your works. They are brilliant. I’m thinking about writing a paper about the second comic, the one about the date, and relate that to our current society. Could you please give me some more details about your thoughts when you were accomplishing this piece of comic?

    • I dated a woman for a long time whose nose was often buried in her smartphone. I see other couples doing this, too. Since I was going through it myself and it seemed to be becoming an international trend, I drew a cartoon about it. Simple as that. :o)

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