Anal Painting


Bizarro is brought to you today by The Costume That Wouldn’t Come Off.

I thought I might get an editor or two who did not want to publish this cartoon because of the phrase, “anal probe.” But no one blinked and it made it into all my client papers. I did, however, get a brief note from a reader who said it was “very inappropriate for a family newspaper.”

Everyone is different but I have a difficult time understanding people who find medical references inappropriate for families. The implication is that this person does not want to have to explain to his/her child what “anal probe” means. But what harm comes from honestly discussing biological realities with children? Are they afraid their child will begin putting objects into his own anus? I honestly don’t get it.

I began educating my two daughters in matters of biology at a very early age including such controversial topics as: where babies come from, how they got in there in the first place, how boys are driven by unseen evolutionary forces which will make them behave entirely differently before and after sex, why this may make them feel crappy (my daughters), what homosexuality is and how they’ll know when the time comes if they are, which drugs are dangerous and why, which drugs are not, how their degree of legality or illegality may have nothing to do with their safety, why masturbation is fun and harmless, why you shouldn’t do it in public, etc.

Lo and behold, both of my daughters grew up to respect and protect their bodies regarding sex and drugs,  made mature choices in both regards, and used their brains rather than superstition to guide their behavior. If you respect your kid by giving them knowledge, they respect themselves.

Or, maybe the comment came from someone who believes aliens are inappropriate.

I’ve worked face painting booths before and it’s really fun. For about 20 minutes. Then you begin to feel really guilty about your desire to squeeze the children’s necks until they stop making noise and fall asleep forever.

A roller brush would have made the job easier. My known associate, Wayno, has this to say about this cartoon.


My new book is cheap and perfect for holiday gifts!


So is all this other stuff with my cartoons on it!


14 thoughts on “Anal Painting

  1. Pingback: Just Asking |

  2. WTF is a “family newspaper” anyway? Do all the children lie about on the floor reading it, as though it were 1938 and they were subscribing to GRIT? I haven’t seen a child touch a newspaper since the 1950s. Or maybe parents of children are more easily offended themselves by things, quite apart from any effect it might have on the children who aren’t even looking at them.

  3. From my over analyzing my dad’s (errr) parenting I believe that they are more apt to worry about their kid wanting to probe their friends instead of the biology. Two of my classmates died when I was a teen – one to the choking/erotic thing when he passed out before he could remove the belt around his neck and another to sniffing glue with a bag over his head and, again, passed out before removing the sealed bag. Thus, dear old dad wanted to keep me stupid and said they committed suicide. Like all of a sudden I would go “…sweet, let me try that…”. Keeping the kids stupid makes it easier for the lazy parents whereas opening the channels of communication is too much work .

  4. So in one post you say you’re only 19, and in another you say your daughters have grown up and made mature choices regarding sex and drugs. hmmm….

    • Dear Shepherd,
      There are many things about Obama that are similar to Bush, but I don’t think “the same as” tells the whole story. The larger point is that democratic administrations and congresses are much less damaging to the economy than republican ones. (Or libertarian ones would be if they had a chance in Hell of being elected, which they do not.)

      Why is it so important to you that I agree with you?

      • I’m just tired of liberals like you giving Obama a free pass for doing the same things they criticized Bush for doing. I want you to admit you’re a hypocrite.

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