Evolving Diet Hand-Me-Down

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Christmas Confusion.

I keep promising myself (and you, dear Jazz Pickles) that I will post more often on this blogging machine but then I don’t get around to it. Part of the problem is that I keep looking for ways to get out of the house because I’m living alone for the first time in ten years and I get pretty blue and lonely if I don’t get out. Today I rode my bicycle 5.6 miles (according to the Google Map) to a branch of my bank to deposit a few dozen dollars worth of checks. It was mostly an excuse to get out in the sun and exercise, so an 11.2 mile ride was just the thing.

My first cartoon today is on one of my favorite subjects: the evolution/creationism debate. The fact that the U.S. is the only literate country where this is even still considered a debate is part of what intrigues me about it. If there weren’t so many Americans who still adamantly held to the creation myth of the Bible, I wouldn’t care, of course. As proof of this large, anachronistic portion of our society, every time I do a gag like this someone writes to me to complain about it. Thank goodness! (Not god, sorry.) Here, for your Xmas/Hanukkah enjoyment, are the exact words:

I don’t know why you choose to use this time of year to offend many Christians.

Your strip is funny and thought-provoking enough without resorting to such tactics.

The email itself is not all that funny, other than the fact that a person in the 21st century who does not live in a cave or a jungle still finds references to evolution as truth and creationism as myth offensive. And is that even what this cartoon is saying? I think not.

I admit that I do enjoy poking fun at (living) people (in the 21st century) who accept myth as truth but I think that in this modern era, if you’re going to hold disproved, archaic beliefs you should be willing to take a little ribbing. If, in 2012, I believed that there was a giant, magical being inside the local volcano that made it erupt if I didn’t throw the right virgin into it, I would expect quite a bit of kidding. (And probably a fair amount of legal attention for kidnapping and murdering virgins.) It’s just the price of civilization, folks.  Here’s a link (pun intended) to another of my cartoons on the same subject that I particularly liked. Missing Link.

Moving on to another subject but not out of the jungle, here is a cartoon that presents an entirely new reason for trying to convince someone of the benefits of veganism. I admit that when I first changed my diet and lifestyle, I did a fair amount of evangelizing. It’s hard not to when you discover a new truth, you know? But I now leave that to others and only offer my views and knowledge when asked. Which is occasionally. (If you care, here is an old page full of typos and lousy grammar that explains my thought process back in ’02, when I gave up animal products.)

My “air guitar” cartoon was conceived of by my good friend’s son, Nicco, who is only about 8 or 11 or something. (I’m terrible at remembering other people’s kids details. Does that make me a narcissist? Probably.) Anyway, I thought it was a fun cartoon idea so here it is. Thanks, Nicco! Nicco’s older brother, Emilio, contributed a cartoon to Bizarro once, too. The kids in this family are pretty sharp, I guess.

Please have a dandy holiday, if you’re into that sort of thing. And remember that it is not too late to get the perfect gift right here. It’s probably too late to get it delivered by Xmas, but it’s not too late to get it.

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21 thoughts on “Evolving Diet Hand-Me-Down

    • I know what you mean. But my perspective is that with free condoms in middle school, you don’t end up with any fewer virgins, just fewer teenage mothers. Lots of kids were sexually active when I was a kid in the 70s and many of them ended up going to homes for unwed mothers for the duration of their pregnancies. Mammals are sexual, there’s not much anyone can do to stop it. :o)

  1. Dan, you mentioned the tenacity with which a large number of people in the U.S. cling to their creation myths… it’s similarly fascinating how people who tell all about their historical revolution for independence from England are some of the last Earthlings clinging to the English Imperial measurement system! Even though the U.S. Congress has officially recognized S.I. (Systeme Internationale, the metric system) on two occasions, you still measure bike trips in miles and probably measure temperatures in degrees Fahrenheit. In Canada, which went metric in the ’70s, there are still holdouts who buy gas in litres for cars that have odometers that measure in kilometers, yet can only tell you their fuel consumption in miles per gallon! NASA got so upset about the Mars probe that failed after a contractor provided an instrument that read out its measurements in Imperial units, the agency officially declared the Moon and Mars to be metric. I think Myanmar is still Imperial, too… but I’m told the U.S. drug dealers operate using kilograms.

    By the way, who packed up the display monitor that got crunched? If it was packed by movers, you might have a claim. If it was done by yourself or a helpful friend, my condolences. If it doesn’t make popping noises or smell funny, it might just keep on working.

    • I remember the move in the 70s to go metric. I was a kid in school and it just didn’t take. What else can I say? Americans wouldn’t do it. I’ve found that you just can’t get used to estimating things that way unless you live in a society that does it all the time so it’s pointless now. I’m thinking we’ll never do it.

      Sadly, I packed the monitor and mailed it UPS so it would be safer. In the chaotic mess of leaving town, I FORGOT to add extra insurance. So I’m screwed. It’s still working, though, so I’m okay for now. :o{

      • Years ago, I worked for a firm making restaurant management systems that used touchscreen monitors for entering orders. A feature was a time-clock function that ran when the restaurant was not open so staff could log in and out. I had kidded the programmers about how they put a heading over the displayed time that said, “PUNCH CLOCK”. I asked if it might be interpreted as instructions.

        Sure enough, someone with an attitude came in one day to his restaurant, read the display and gave the monitor a right cross it wouldn’t forget. He shattered the touchscreen overlay and cracked the display tube underneath. The tube actually held its vacuum for two days before it finally died with a whoosh… and a wee cloud of phosphorous dust.

        It’s preferable when only the trim gets mangled.

  2. I laughed so hard at the cannibal one. I know with the life changes you have recently gone through, you will tend to get depressed… but what you did is the right thing to do. Get out, go for a bike ride or walk, I hear that is unheard of in LA. haha There are lots of transplants there from all over. Maybe you can find some of your old pals from New York. Thanks for making the rest of us smile and chuckle even though you might be feeling blue. Hope you get into the groove of things soon.

    Peace

    Happy

    Thanks for the blog, I do like reading them.

  3. That bike ride thing you did? Keep it up! We here in the Midwest have chilly, cloudy, gloomy weather. Get out in it and you will find your spirits lifting. Mr. Sunshine can be your companion for a while! (Is there a cartoon in there somewhere?)

  4. I stopped eating meat and dairy a few months ago right around my 40th birthday. I’d considered doing this for quite some time (years probably) for all the reasons one should do it. Nothing really moved me to change (not the despicable treatment of animals, the devastating impact on our environment, etc.), until I watched Forks Over Knives. The thing that got to me most was seeing how eating animals’ meat, their milk and eggs was most likely going to be the cause of my demise – a horrible artery-clogged, cancer-riddled, short-lived demise. So ultimately I chose a vegan diet to live a longer healthier life (the birthday timing probably was a factor too). It was basically selfish which is what people are.

    My point I guess is that you can’t change people’s minds. They have to do it themselves and it’s probably going to be based in self preservation. Humans are the most bizarre animals there are – hideous monsters and loving caregivers all at once. You capture that so nicely in your cartoons. Thank you for that and for being one of the positive voices in my world. I’ll also add my best wishes for you to hang in there and to say things will improve. That’s mostly so you will keep doing your art which I so enjoy – basically all this is my selfishness again…what’re ya gonna do?

      • Dan, you might have trouble convincing people to go vegan, what with bacon being so popular and all, but if you shock ’em a little, you can slow them down running to the feed trough.

        I tell ’em, “Don’t listen to me – and you don’t have to listen to diet hacks either. Ask your proctologist. He’ll tell you, “Eat as if you had to catch it yourself and you’ll be fine.”

        They get scared when I say “proctologist”.

        You can stuff all the greens in your face you can possibly chew and not hurt yourself, but processed foods are just plain too much – and when you get over about 15 pounds too heavy, the adult-onset diabetes and cancer rates climb. Ow.

        Like I said – don’t believe me, ask your proctologist. That’s a practical expert with nothing to sell you.

  5. Your thoughts about your cartoons always make me happy.

    Hope all is going.

    How is biking in LA though? I bike in Houston and it’s fucking miserable. I can only imagine the self ritous, over inflated superiority of LA drivers would make it worse.

    ciao

    -ryan

    • I didn’t find it too harrowing or the drivers too rude. I think in big urban areas where a lot of people bike (NY and LA definitely have a like of cyclists) drivers are more used to and watchful of bikes. I typed in the address on Google Maps and clicked the “bike” logo at the top, so it showed me the streets with bike lanes. Most are one block off the main thoroughfares, so it wasn’t so bad at all. I always try to stay off of main streets on my bicycle anyway. I biked in NYC for years that way. Of course, in some of the more modern cities, they’ve been designed to keep cars on main streets by making the side streets crazy, winding labyrinths. Don’t know if Houston is like that. I used to bike in Dallas and found it to be pretty dangerous and drivers to be pretty self righteous in their big-ass SUVs.

  6. love the air guitar gag. my daughter now wants an air drum kit for christmas. that I’ll do. gotta wonder what holidays would be like if sprite or pepsi capitalized on christmas before coke. what a world, what a world.

  7. the l.a. hate is kind of funny. a lot of people bike to and from work because gas is so expensive, traffic can suck, parking does suck and because many angelinos finds ways to be positive activists. biking is one of them. biking is preferable to buses because buses sometimes seem like wards on wheels and you can’t always tell by the smell if someone has relieved himself or herself in your row of seats. (Be nice to bus drivers.) all of this badmouthing of l.a. has got me craving Steve Martin movies.

  8. Dear Mr. Dan, I hope this reaches you – didn’t know you had a site like this but don’t have time to review it, now. My concern is that you might be ill as you have other people doing the comics in Sunday funnies.(w/Andy Cowan) I was sure you hadn’t exhausted your ideas for Bizarro! Tell me you are not ill(tho’ some might think U R SICK)!!! Sincerely, Your fan, M.F.

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