Nutty Egyptian Greeks


Make this cartoon oh-so-bigger by clicking on the suitor’s teeth.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Valentine’s Day Gifts.

Because my cartoons are drawn and submitted many weeks before they appear in the paper, I often miss doing holiday cartoons. (But not always.) But this year, I actually have THREE Valentine’s Day-related cartoons running in the next three days. Perhaps it is because I am going through a divorce and V Day takes on a different tone. Maybe even a pallor. My cartoon for Valentine’s Day itself is pretty dark, albeit it completely true. But you’ll have to wait until Tuesday to see it.

My Egyptian patient cartoon is about dimensions. I did a cartoon way back in the late eighties about an Egyptian couple who kept falling down because they were flat, 2-dimensional people, like you see in hieroglyphs. If my filing system weren’t non-existent, I’d be able to show you that one now. But it is and I can’t, so let’s all just take this example of the crappy side of life in stride and move on.


This last cartoon from my “known associate,” Wayno,  is about a song by The Archies, a band nobody under 50 has heard of anymore. If memory serves, they were a one-hit wonder, put together by a marketing team who wanted to use the Archie comic book characters as a sales device. At the time, I think they had a Saturday morning cartoon show. Here’s the Wikipedia write up about them if you have nothing better to do than find out more about this forgettable moment in history. The following link is to a brilliantly-animated video of the song, BUT BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO IT let me warn you that if you are the least bit OCD about music (as am I,) this song will EAT YOUR BRAIN like a zombie until you replace it with another song. Hear the brain-eating song here at your own risk. At the time this song was popular, “bubblegum music” was a term used for this kind of saccharin, teen-age pop music. This gag is about that, and about the habit of the ancient Greeks to confuse “U”s with “V”s. What was that about?*


*Yes, I know what that was about and that the sign I linked to is Latin/Roman, not Greek.

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23 thoughts on “Nutty Egyptian Greeks

  1. Hilarious! Love the Sweets for the sweet, nuts for the …..And Wayno’s Archie cartoon is so good! Thanks for the cheer.. Hope your days has some too.

  2. Good stvff, and thanks for the idea for a gift to send My Crazy Ex.

    As for the Egyptian hieroglyphs, I thovght they were that way becavse they actvally pressed real people and animals into their walls…

    I’m svre that ancient Egyptians, Greeks, Romans and even Mesopotamians wovld enjoy yovr sense of hvmor. Bvt why haven’t yov done any Mesopotamian jokes?

  3. Geez. As I was reading the last cartoon I actually paused after the ‘Honey’ and my brain filled in ‘duh-duh, duh-duh, duh-duh’. H-E-L-P!!!

  4. Smiles for all 3 : )

    Dave and I have been married 32 years…. the gifts would be interchangeble for us!!Im pretty sure (sometimes) he should be giving me the can of nuts!!!! And I could give him the heart.. or we both should just eat one can of nuts together….or candy in a heart….this makes my marriage sound bi-polar….. well I can make mental health jokes as most in my family including my self are sufferers.. (is this way too much info) well brilliance, creativity and independant thinking go hand in hand with mental health ‘disorders’……we are all in the spectrum of brilliant, creative and think out of the box… Dan.. I dont know what it is about you comics, but I always seem to have a complete essay in my head about every one!!!!! should I hold back alittle..?? Im often told I should filter myself… but i never do…

  5. your second cartoon is brilliant…. I always love when you do apiece that is related to the concepts of drawing..I am a self taught artist except for all the info my son and daughter have taught me over the years…they are such great artists and we all paint and draw here.. even my husband..When the kids were little , we watched and studied Mark Kistlers Imagination Station… I really learned alot.. and the kids did too.

    And the Archies comic.. OH SO FUNNY!!!! And my husband loves the Valentine heart/ nuts one.. : )

  6. I’m sure someone else has already been a jerk about this, but it was the ancient Romans who didn’t have U’s, and used V’s instead. The tablet you linked to (spqr, basically meaning the senate and the roman people) is also Roman. You’d know Greek if you saw it, because it has all the funny looking letters ( that are somewhere between Cyrillic (Russian) and Arabic.

  7. Dan, you mentioned about the tendency to miss holidays because the comics are submitted weeks in advance. That would suggest to me that the date numbers that are in the comic weren’t put there by you, but added at a later point. However, the blog comics have the dates added – so you have to get the art back from the syndicate rather than post from your own files?

    • You’re thinking too hard, Bob. I schedule the comics to run on the days they do, I just don’t usually do that until after I’ve drawn them, by which time it is too late to notice they run on a holiday. But sometimes I notice before I draw them so they become holiday cartoons. Simple.

  8. Dan, I think you’re being a bit hard on that poor song. Sure, against almost any Jazz, Sugar Sugar is crap. Or against most blues, classical, anything from the 20s or 40s; or a lot of R&B and R&R . . . crap. Compared to Eastern Europe accordion music, Cuban dance music, Klezmer, Spirituals, even music from The Last Polka . . . crap.

    But I have two words for you: American Idol.

  9. Thanks to the covers on the album “Saturday Morning Cartoons,” and because my kids have discovered Archies spin-off “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” cartoon series, I get a daily dose of this, one of their newest favorite songs. Weird.

  10. loved today’s collection of cartoons.

    also, i plan on spending this V-day with my two cats, for two reasons: a) my cats love me unconditionally, and b) i’m single.

  11. The Archie’s were created by the same guy that produced The Monkee’s TV show. When the members of the band became difficult and insisted on performing and writing music rather than playing the roles created for them, they were fired and he created The Archie’s. Because as you especially would be aware, cartoons are completely controllable by their creator. Unlike real people with egos and issues. Can’t control them very well, eh?

  12. I think my ex will really love that cartoon actually…though he might say he should be the one giving me the nuts.. ;) At any rate, I have one of those songs for you..and it’s handily replaced the Archie’s song (thanks alot by the way)…Manama from the Muppets…that is one you can’t get out no matter what…but the little video that goes with it is just something to get to your happy place…so enjoy! :)

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