Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

Bizarro is brought to you today by Weight Problems.

It’s been a busy week here at Bizarro International Headquarters. So much so that I barely got a chance to post on this blog today. In fact, I’m pressed for time right now, so let’s get to it.

1. Cinn-a-bon is a small restaurant chain I see a lot in shopping malls and airport food courts. A while back my manager, Jeff Topper, and I were kibitzing on the phone and came up with this idea together. I particularly like the devil asking if he can “hurt” the customer instead of help. A reader mentioned that the customer should have said the buns were “tempting.” Also a good caption but I like mine better.

2. According to TV and film, lawyers are always making “motions” in court. This kind of motion would make court funnier. I’ve not spent much time in court but I’m willing to bet there isn’t a lot of funny going on there.

 

 

 

 

 

3. Ever heard of a woodchuck? If you haven’t then this joke probably was not your favorite cartoon ever. According to what I looked up on the Interwebs, a woodchuck is an animal of some kind that looks sort of like these guys. I have no idea what a “wouldn’tchuck” would actually look like, but I’m surmising it would be very similar. I collaborated with my young hillbilly friend, Victor Rivera, on this one. He wants to be an actor so if he’s ever a big movie star, remember that he used to do cartoons with me. He’ll likely deny it.

4. Here’s a really creepy gag about an information booth.

 

That’s wraps it up for today, Jazz Pickles. If you live in or around Washington, D.C., please do not forget to go to my comedy show on March 11, nor to remind your friends in that area to go. I guarantee that the people who attend will laugh and feel better when they leave than they did when they arrived. Unless they are stabbed or poisoned while they are there, or drink so much that they get sick or have a heart attack during the show or one of those giant, frozen chunks of sewage from an airliner falls through the roof and injures them. I’ve done these shows before, though, and none of those things usually happen, so my original statement will likely be true for everyone.

You want some cartoons on stuff?

You want some cartoons in a book?

You want candy?

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24 thoughts on “Tempting Dance Chuck Undies

  1. Pingback: Tempting Dance Chuck Undies « Humor

  2. Really? Never happen or just ‘not usually’? Because I’ve known some comedians who prepare special material they can ‘ad-lib’ if the show is interrupted by paramedics/firefighters/police. And one (who will absolutely remain nameless) took credit for 3 heart attacks while he was performing (“I REALLY killed ‘em”) until the family of the 3rd sued him for Wrongful Death. But he got out of it when his lawyer had him perform his act in court and nobody on the jury laughed. Smart lawyer knew that juries are tough crowds.

  3. The guy making the motion in the courtroom comic sort of looks like someone you’d see in a Blondie comic. Seems slightly different than your typical style. Not complaining, just noticing.

      • yes I noticed that too! I always enjoy your surprise drawings! I think to myself, “where did that come from?” It’s like someone came to visit Bizarro world

      • Definitely Mutt & Jeff. . . but still in lawyerspeak, appealing. Sin-a-bon is great, “may I hurt you” was perfect. Love the “wouldn’t chuck too. I hate that tv commercial with the wood chucks. Need to replace them with wouldn’tchucks. . . or maybe they could just chuck the Geico “weeeee” pig? Good stuff, Dan. You’re inspiring me to get my blog posted finally

  4. Woodchuck? That’s just another name for groundhog isn’t it? Maybe it’s just Canadian or regional in use. I’m sure many of your readers have heard the old tongue twister (not that difficult actually): “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

      • Here’s some mildly titillating text on the subject from the King of All Information, Wikipedia: “The groundhog (Marmota monax), also known as a woodchuck, whistle-pig, or in some areas as a land-beaver [tssngggghhh!], is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots. Other marmots, such as the yellow-bellied and hoary [haw-haw!] marmots, live in rocky and mountainous areas, but the woodchuck is a lowland creature.

      • Luckily, Wikipedia is just one click away:

        The groundhog (Marmota monax), also known as a woodchuck, […]

        Took me 50 times longer to type this comment than looking up “Groundhog” in WP. ;)

      • The groundhog (Marmota monax), also known as a woodchuck, whistle-pig, or in some areas as a land-beaver, is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots. Other marmots, such as the yellow-bellied and hoary marmots, live in rocky and mountainous areas, but the woodchuck is a lowland creature. It is widely distributed in North America and common in the northeastern and central United States. Groundhogs are found as far north as Alaska, with their habitat extending southeast to Alabama.

  5. Pingback: May I hurt you? | Todd's Point of View

  6. Hi Dan,

    I make a motion that you come to the Denver, CO area and do some comedy shows here. I’d come to Washington D.C. and see you, but Denver is way closer to me and I’m very selfish. Also, I have a brother who knows people in the Denver comedy scene. Who doesn’t have a brother like this, right? Anyway, think about it.

    Best,

    Sean

    PS – Seriously, think about it.

  7. Dan, does it bother you knowing that Peta’s been exposed for killing so many of the animals brought into their shelters?

    • I’d have to read about it from their perspective to see what they actually did and what their reasoning was. I don’t know much about it other than rumors and PETA has so many detractors that I can’t trust those. I’m not against killing any animal for any reason per se, but it is a complicated issue for sure.

      • But won’t reading about it from PETA’s perspective mean that the story is slanted in a pro-PETA manner? Look at it from multiple sources to make a truly informed judgment.

        Sorry man, I know you’re all for animal rights, but PETA kills animals. You don’t want to be associated with those nuts.

        • Yes, I would read about it from different angles. I’d still like to know if PETA did it, what their reasoning was. I’m not against “killing animals” in all circumstances. I know a lot of people who’ve worked for PETA for years and none of them are “nuts.”

  8. Pingback: Too Much Information | LauraJul

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