Zombie Mummy Vampire Pirate Toado


Bizarro is brought to you today by He Man.

Here are five cartoons leading up to Halloween. If you are from a country which does not celebrate Halloween and you have never heard of it, it is a holiday at the end of October during which we Americans disguise our children as murderers, monsters, and demons and send them door to door asking for handouts.

The first cartoon shown here features a woman who has not let the scarcity of suitable mates discourage her from continuing her search. With the assistance of a shovel, she finds what she’s been looking for.

When I drew this mummy gag I thought to myself, who do I know that is going to have a baby whose name I could use in this cartoon? Suddenly, deep within the recesses of my wrinkly brain came the words, “your nephew and his wife are expecting, you idiot.” They enjoyed the cartoon and called to thank me. It was awfully sweet of them but that didn’t stop me from writing them out of my will when I found out they’re not naming the child after me. Kids today…

Here’s a bit of behind-the-scenes trivia: When I submitted this “Trampire” cartoon to King Features, the sign said, “Will Suck For Blood.” This prompted a note from my editor informing me that the word “suck” is not well liked by newspaper editors in the U.S. and could well cause one or more to refuse to publish it. Even though the person using the term is a vampire. Apparently, one can too easily imagine the panhandler is referring to homosexual prostitution. See the smut in question here. Not wanting to tempt fate in a bad economy, I opted for the “family friendly” version seen here, which is a play off the popular panhandler’s sign: Why lie? Need beer. On a happier note, the “trampire” pun came to me from a reader in India, who becomes the first person in his country to successfully contribute to Bizarro. Congratulations, Dinesh Damodaran, if that is your real name.

I like pirate costumes and was wearing one myself this year. Here is a link to some photos of what I looked like at a Halloween party I attended last weekend. The man next to me came to the party as me, which I found very funny, although my buccaneer demeanor did not allow me to show it in this pic. If any of you have funny or interesting photos of your Halloween costume, shoot them my way and I might post a few. I love Halloween costumes, especially the very clever and/or incredibly bad, homemade ones.

My last cartoon is this little ditty, a collaboration with my cartoonist colleague, Dan McConnell. Here is his FB page if you want to see more of his work and say hello.

Hope you had a dandy Halloween, Jazz Pickles.



28 thoughts on “Zombie Mummy Vampire Pirate Toado

  1. I’ve been reading and enjoying your comics for a while now, and I have to say today’s ‘pirate costume’ gave me the biggest laugh I’ve had in a while.

    Thank you!

  2. Don’t worry about the party pooper attempting to impersonate you.

    He had skewered flesh on his plate.

    Unless he was trying to impersonate you _ as a Zombie.

    8 o

  3. Hi Dan,

    Yes, that is my real name! :-)

    Thanks a lot for accepting my idea and publishing it. Over the moon.

    Just one question: Are you not allowed to post the “Will suck for blood” panel here on your own blog? I have to admit that would’ve been a lot more fun that the family friendly version.

    Cheers from India!

  4. Pingback: Zombie Mummy Vampire Pirate Toado « What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see…

  5. Dan,

    You are usually very current. I’m very disappointed that you did not include a cartoon with some social commentary addressing what Halloween has become today – an excuse for young women to dress like sluts for the night. Not that I disapprove of the trend, in fact I highly approve, just that it seems ripe for satire.

    On the other hand, I suppose such a cartoon would run afoul of your editor. Which sucks.


  6. Can you please draw more of the cowardly werewolf. I find a real artistic character there and would like to see where he goes!

    Thanks so much for what you do!

  7. Oh come on Dan, Scarestein? Seriously? Don’t you mean Scarestein’s Monster?

    Yes, I am kidding. You have already expounded at length as to why you always refer to the monster as just “Frankenstein” and not his monster. I just wanted to be the jerk to bring it up :-)

    BTW, loved the pirate costume, both the kid in the panel and yours. Nice touch on the jack-o-lantern, leaving it with the “monstrous” two eyes (the horror!).

  8. Hi Dan,

    I love your work and rarely if ever send emails like a doting ass, but you deserve it. Way to push that quirky envelope. Listen to one request, please. I beg you: Rip Romney a new *ssh*ole before the election. He I’m sure you share the same opinion of him that I do, and it would provide such a great catharsis for so many of us fans. Keep up the great work and taking chances!


    P.S. If this was discussed already in a previous post, I apologize. Only 2 days left to tear him a new one!

    • Thanks for the kind words, so glad to hear you’re enjoying my work. I do feel the same way about Romney that you do (presumably) but since Bizarro is not sold as a political strip, client papers get angry if I rip a specific politician and make large numbers of their subscribers mad. Also, some of my readers are doubtless Romney supporters, so I’d be alienating them for no particularly good reason. It’s not like someone who does not already think Romney is a charlatan is going to suddenly have a gestalt moment from reading one of my cartoons. :o)

  9. Toado! An instant classic! It should be your new cartoon addenda, like the eyeball and the pie.

    Love your pirate costume, especially the chicken/parrot! The white face paint is confusing — were you a zombie pirate or a pirate from the Far North? (Or am I just over thinking?)

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