Spoiled Elf Pizza Quadruped Roadway



Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Hangover.

I know that nobody is interested in Xmas anymore but I’ve been remiss in posting on this blog for the past week so I’m getting you caught up on what I’ve been up to in the cartoon wonderland in which I live.

If you’re like me (not a millionaire who buys cars for people on holidays) you’re likely very tired of the car commercials that encourage you to buy automobiles as gifts. If I saw a new Mercedes with a giant bow on it in the driveway of one of my neighbors on Xmas morning, I might take hostages. Or, at the very least, throw a couple of gift-wrapped bricks through the windows.


My original caption for this cartoon about Santa’s elves was not very funny and had an unfortunate reference to elves not getting the chance to grow up. Because of the pre-Xmas school shooting in Connecticut, my editors and I decided it was insensitive to publish it so my special lady friend and I came up with this new caption. I’m not against Barbie dolls per se, but am somewhat sympathetic to the concept that these dolls give little girls impossible (and impossibly shallow) standards of womanhood. In spite of the fact that I am condoning that notion with this cartoon, I got an angry email from a woman who felt I had been naughty:

“I find your cartoon of December 26 2012 very offensive, in a time when many young girls have body image issues which lead to both bouts of suicidal thoughts along with suicidal actions, I feel that this cartoon was done in poor taste. “

Can’t win them all.



This next cartoon has nothing to do with the holidays––thank god––but is instead about the infernal frustration one feels when trapped in the same house with someone for too many years. My prescription for long, exciting love affairs with minimum friction is separate residences. Works wonders.









Hey! Look at this crazy dancer!



What the…?





My good friend and known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, concocted this view of a highway sign. I scheduled it for this week because it seems like a good time of the year to examine one’s existence.  As usual, he has some interesting things to say about this effort here.

That concludes today’s posting. Please check out my next post, which will have the last Sunday Bizarro Comic of 2012 PLUS my year in review!


26 thoughts on “Spoiled Elf Pizza Quadruped Roadway

  1. re your Body Issues cartoon – Dan – I have body issues, and none of them were derived from playing with Barbie dolls. *I* thought it was funny. Thanks for the belly laugh.

    One of your fans from Canada.


  2. I collect vintage Barbies and think your elf cartoon is a hoot. Anyone who collects Barbie has to have a sense of humor of some sort. Hope this cancels out angry email lady.

  3. Well, the original caption of the elf cartoon did make it into some papers apparently; my local paper for one. It was the long panel version. You’re right, it wasn’t presented as a funny one, but I didn’t immediately associate it with the shootings and I didn’t think it referenced elves growing up at all.

  4. I liked all of these cartoons, especially the quadraped. It was out there which is always commendable. I seem to have recalled a few of your anthologies I picked up some years ago and the drawings were more lifelike. They’re just fine now, but when did you change to a simpler style?

  5. Greetings, from Northern California, Dan. I recently, (past six months) have taken a notice of your brilliant comic pictures. I actually look forward in seeing them in our daily news paper (Sacramento Bee). My client and i, try and solve the daily picture riddles. Some days we get them, and other’s we don’t. I guess in some sense you actually have to be bizzar, or a least think like it, to solve them; but nevertheless, we enjoy them immensely. Now what we can’t seem to figure out, is what does the slice of (pie) mean, and why is it in some pictures while in other’s it’s not? The stick of (dynamite) attached to legs of chairs only, roll? The upside down (bird) what is its name, roll? Does it even have a name? The (what i call), the “all” seeing eye (in which, i look for, in a sick bizarre way) of this fetich i have with this little eye. I can’t seem to understand what roll he has in the pic. Does the eye have a name aswell? And finally, what is that cute character that looks like an eye. but is in a space like ship. What is its name and it roll in the picture. I think that if we understood these characters and their rolls in the cartoon, then my client and i would have a better chance of solving the daily riddles, or the point you’ve made in the picture. I look forward in hearing from you soon about these questions. Have an Awesome and safe New Year!! Thank you, Mary Martin

    • Thanks for your note, Mary. The symbols don’t really have anything to do with the cartoons; I just put them in for fun, to give readers something to look for. I made up some nonsense philosophical reasons for them years ago and posted them on my old site: Bizarro.com. If you go there and click “symbol secrets” on the home page, you’ll see them there. All are included except the dynamite, which I never got around to adding to the site. Hope you enjoy it. :o)

  6. Body image! I just want the real life version of Barbie homes, cars, jets, horses, clothes, boyfriend who is easily propped up in the corner and never does anything embarrassing. And she is never seen doing any work to get it except pose in a few uniforms.

  7. I love that you changed up the art style for the dancing one. :) That one just became my favorite Bizarro. I hesitate to use the word “cute” when talking to a male artist, but it’s so cute! Lol.

    I also got a kick out of the highway sign one.

  8. Pingback: Spoiled Elf Pizza Quadruped Roadway « What I see, what I feel, what I'd like to see…

  9. Mr. Piraro,

    I have been reading your panels for more than a decade and enjoyed discovering your blog in 2012. You produced a lot of top-quality funnies this year. However, the four-legged dancing man was the best gag I saw all year.

    Your faithful reader,
    Megan H

  10. Dan, you oughtta do one about “Entrance” signs … something about trance states & the Dalai Lama …

    Get it? “En-trance?” Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck … go for it, (ↄ)opyleft, creative commons & all that rot.

  11. Hi Dan,

    Have you heard the one about Barbie telling Ken that she has signed up for breast-reduction surgery?

    (Ken replied, that he wants to start dating other dolls.)

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