Baby Snail Drown Balls Bra Slavery


Bizarro is brought to you today by Big Babies.

Welcome to another weekly roundup of Bizarro cartoons. For this first cartoon, I’ve included the strip version as well as the usual panel version because I put some extra work into the cereal boxes on the shelf and wanted to share them. Lots of “icons” to search for in this one–not that they are hidden. Click on the cartoons to see them biggerer.





If you don’t know who Lawrence Welk was, or don’t know what a whelk is, you’ll not understand this gag. This is Lawrence Welk, a popular TV performer in the mid-1900s. This is a whelk, a popular sea snail. This pun came from my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. Here’s what he has to say about this collaboration.







Oh goodness, what’s this? Two underwater cartoons in a row? Is this a record for Bizarro? I have no idea. I got a few emails and FB comments from people who did not understand this one so here’s the big secret: human gangsters threaten people with “concrete overcoats,” which means they’ll sink you in concrete and drop you in the water to drown. Gangsters-of-the-sea use helium overcoats, which would make the fish float up and out of the water, thus “drowning” him. Simple.







Snowmen are a seemingly endless topic for cartoons. Here, one uses snowballs to create abs. Here’s another one of my favorite snowperson jokes from days gone by. I know it seems tame, but newspaper funny pages are notoriously puritanical and I was worried I’d not be able to get away with it.







Judging from email and Internet responses, this was the most popular cartoon of the week. It came from the fertile mind of my good friend, Cliff Harris, master of wordplay. I also like the bit of social commentary that it provides: few of us are as attractive as the people who model the clothes we buy but we buy them anyway, hoping for a little of that mojo. Miss Chicken is no egret, but she hopes to snag some of that sparkle by wearing the same underwear.






Our last cartoon is about the coincidental release of a movie about President Lincoln and one about an escaped slave. I’ve not seen “Django Unchained,” but I did see “Lincoln” and liked it bunches. Although I was a bit disappointed that it was not a film about a luxury car, as I had supposed.


I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s foray into my silly drawings. Get some dandy Bizarro cartoons on all manner of weird products here.

Ciao for now, Jazz Pickles.






29 thoughts on “Baby Snail Drown Balls Bra Slavery

  1. Begging your pardon, but the Loyal Order of Accordionists demands that we enlighten the perpetrator whenever an accordion is depicted upside down.

  2. Love Victorious Egret… being a bird fan I can imagine my chickens drooling over the pages of a “fowl” in lingerie.

    Thanks again for the smiles DAn.

  3. Your work gets better all the time. I’m having fun looking for the hidden items. Eight may be a record for me; please could you list them again for those of us who have only recently realized they were there to look for ?~!

  4. My in-laws had a shower curtain with drawings of all kinds of sea creatures on it. Among them, the “Lightning Whelk”. I told my mom-in-law that “Lightning Whelk” was the love child Lawrence refused to talk about.

  5. Love your mascot for Frosted Corn Syrup , he’s very handsome! But would the admen have been able to come up with the right pitch given proper pronoun usage? I can just hear them – “It’s Grrrrrrrrrreat! Hmmm, just doesn’t have the right ring to it . . . .”

    • That guy’s work is brilliant! Thanks for the link, I’d never seen it before. Although it did just drain 30 minutes of my day looking through the archives. :o)

  6. Don’t land dwelling gangsters say “cement boots/shoes”? or “swimmin’ with the fishes” even. I’ve never heard “concrete overcoat”… and I’ve been threatened by more than my share of post-prohibition era gangsters…

  7. Pingback: They Grow Up So Fast |

  8. Pingback: Baby Snail Drown Balls Bra Slavery | Wholeheartedness

  9. In the big baby / grocery cart one, I can only find 5 (of 6) on the strip version (pie, dynamite, alien, eyeball, bird) … what am I missing? The k2 cereal box is not on the strip version …

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