Terror Cell


Bizarro was made possible today by Tough Customers.

Have you ever been to jail? I have not and confess that it is my greatest fear. Being incarcerated for even a few hours would drive me absolutely bat-shit crazy, which is likely why I can’t stand to see any animal of any kind in a cage of any kind unless it is only temporary transport to the vet or whatever.

This fear is entirely about loss of freedom and doesn’t begin to touch on the other difficulties of the process, like the rotten social life one is faced with in jail. I can’t say with absolute certainty because I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard that jails house some difficult personality types who can prove to be less than delightful to spend time with. Generally speaking, I don’t enjoy people of that type and strongly suspect they would make my stay even less tolerable.

So if I’m ever arrested, I would appreciate it if all of my Jazz Pickles would band together to overthrow the country, thus effecting my immediately release and the formation of a new constitution, one that does not include a law against whatever it was that I was arrested for. I know it is a lot to ask, but you’re my only hope.




12 thoughts on “Terror Cell

  1. I hope that Glen Beck is a jazz pickle since he is working hard to overthrow the government every waking hour of every day.

  2. Oh, I dunno. Judging from a couple of items on the big inmate’s tattoo, you two might find some common conversational ground. Perhaps he’s even a Bizarro fan!

    I will happily sign up for your hypothetical bust-you-out-of-the-hoosgow posse, especially since I have no doubt I’d totally approve of whatever it was you might have done that got you thrown there in the first place. And it sounds more interesting than baking you a vegan cake with a nail file in it. :-)

  3. Back when I was younger (early 20s) and much dumber, I was rightfully arrested for DUI and spent the night in jail. I was drunk and belligerent and kept telling them I was the governor’s nephew. I wasn’t of course and I’m not sure if they believed me or not. In the morning I traded my breakfast for a couple of smokes. Then my Mom and sister bailed me out which was probably worse than spending the night in jail. Then came the judicial punishment. Ahh, good times! It did the trick, nearly 30 years later and I’ve never driven with so much as a drop of alcohol in my system!

    • I saw that “Scared Straight” stuff when I was younger, too. Perhaps that’s why I’m so afraid of jail. That, and the fact that instead of spanking me when I was little, my mom used to make me sit in my room for an hour, doing nothing. It drove me nuts!

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