Bat Kent


Bizarro is brought to you today by Amazing Disguises.

I love this gag because even as a little boy I wondered why no one knew Clark Kent was Superman. I mean, he has the same exact voice and head of Clark Kent, but no glasses. Really? Is a pair of glasses frames with no lenses in them all it takes to fool the residents of Metropolis? Of course, what do you expect from a town whose criminals all dress up like they’re going to perform at a children’s birthday party.

And Clark has the worst taste in women ever. He’s got the hots for Lois Lane, who is so brain dead that she cannot see that Clark and Superman are the same guy. Do you really want to be involved with a woman that stupid, Clark? I mean after a while, what’s the challenge?

But there is another alternative; Lois may not have been stupid at all, she may just have had a tights fetish. She didn’t give two craps about Clark until he put on the costume.

So many questions for a young boy.


25 thoughts on “Bat Kent

  1. Hell, the whole world is batty these days, and hardly anyone sees beyond the disguises. “He seemed like just a regular guy . . . “

  2. Haha, I wondered this too! And how does a tiny mask disguise anyone? (Like Robin’s mask.) You can still tell who someone is when they are wearing sunglasses!

  3. Dear Dan,

    So nice to see another Batman cartoon! (Thanks for the tip about your Superhero collection the other day. I had a blast when it arrived and I first read it, then an even better time when I went through it again with a friend. Shared laughs are the best, I guess. Loved your warm hearted intro, too!).

    As to the cartoon: Lois Lane, of course, could not be fooled with the glasses alone — just like for the rest of smart mankind, it takes that lock of hair as well! (“No, Clark can’t be Superman; Superman has that strand of hair coquettishly adorning his forehead!”) Otherwise every eye shop optician would know his secret when Clark tries on new glasses. “Oh, you’re Superman! — Uhm, sorry. You’re not. — Oh, yes you are! — Oh, sorry, you’re not!”

    We’re not going to ask how Clark gets his hair cut, of course. (Poor hair dresser! He’ll run for cover each time Clark Kent walks by. How many pairs of scissors does it take to prove a point?) We (officially) also don’t want to know how Superman makes love to a woman. (She might enjoy the ‘Man of Steele’; but will he even know he has sex?)

    As for your thing putting on Canadian outfits on superheros. Of course, superheros are always Americans! Wonder Woman of Switzerland? In her costume she’d be confused with a nurse! And a Swiss male superhero would be nicknamed “Swiss Army Knife Guy”. (The flag of your ancestor, the Maltese one, also wears a cross. But that one looks like the emblem I see on some schnapps bottles here in Germany. Just think of that one: “Look, here comes Hard Liquor Man! He’ll do the job — if he finds it this time!”)

      • I won’t try too hard, Dan, but if ever you found a silly thought of mine worthy to be turned into one of your cartoons, I’d be happy to let you have it! Just mention my name then, so that people who think I’m a douchebag will think of me as the douchebag, Dan Piraro has used an idea from.

        BTW: When I was a teenager (with love handles before I even could handle love), I tailored myself a Batman-like costume (with mask and cape and gumboots). With my friend “Hawk Boy” I roamed the nearby forest. We were dreaming of fighting super villains. Alas, sour times for superheros in a German one horse town! The people we observed wouldn’t even be good, uhm, bad enough to throw an empty beer can in the bushes. Thus our superhero days soon ended — or went on hold! I don’t know if I still could count on Hawk Boy, but be aware Doctor Pollution, the Kaped Kraut’s eyes might be watching you!

      • Russ, I’ve followed the link and read that article by Larry Niven. Thank you both! Now I wonder how I will sit at the movies, watch the “Man of Steele” (you know, there’s that movie coming out!) and NOT think of the EJACULATING Superman!

        Super forgetfulness, that’s one power I could use now! (I used to have it when it came to buying my girlfriend expensive gifts. At least that made me her X-MAN! — That thought heavily borrows from one of Dan’s cartoons … )

        (I wonder how much trouble a Clark Kent with Alzheimer’s disease will cause in his retirement home! — Oh God, I see a few Bizarro cartoons coming out of this! At least in a parallel universe … )

      • Damn it, it’s been two weeks now, and Clark Kent’s somatic functions still haunt me!

        Sitting in the park today, trying to enjoy spring just like my slaphappy fellow-Hamburgers, I couldn’t! Bad case of hayfever! I was wondering whether Clark Kent — taken he has it as well — has to move into another office after each sneeze (imagine the big hole in the skyscraper wall one single sneeze by him must cause! — Gesundheit!)

        Though I never liked fart jokes (not even as a kid), I can’t help but picture Clark Kent at a Mexican restaurant. You wouldn’t want to be near THAT restroom after he had had beans!

        Also, how many farts would it take for Superman to get from Jupiter to Mars? — Well, it’s all going in the wrong direction again …

  4. Actually, a lot of people I know do not recognize me when I wear my glasses! I always laugh and say “Oh! The Clark Kent theory of disguise works!”

  5. People seldom recognize me after I’ve spent a hard day at the office.

    Lou Stoole Septic

    Brownsville, Texas

    “Your #2 is #1 With Me!”

  6. Dan, you are so awesome. Your twisted mind is so consistently good. You’re the best of the one panels for so many years. How do you do it? I’m so glad you do. Releases some sorta chemical pleasure in the brain. Love the coloured versions and this web presence. Hope the negative comments don’t stray you from your purpose. Hehe.

  7. Of course, Superman doesn’t normally wear his Clark glasses – while still in costume…

    My whole family once spent about an hour sitting 10 feet away from the band U2 (in 1992, at the height of their fame) without recognizing them…

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  9. Actully the part of Superman / Clark disguise that does the trick is his hair style.

    Clark combs his hair to the right and Superman to the left, Of course people notice that Clark and Superman have the very same face, but think that changing the side hair is combed to takes that kind of superpowers even Superman does not have.

  10. In all seriousness, there was a kooky Superman story back in the 70s – the Curt Swan era – that established (in a circuitous way) that Superman had a sort of unsuspected hypnosis power that abetted his Clark disguise.

    Supposedly, when dressed as Clark he wanted in the worst way to appear smaller and frailer than Superman – and this desire unknowingly activated this heretofore-unknown power, causing everyone to SEE Clark as much smaller than Superman. The clincher was when he had someone sketch him as Clark, and got a comparatively weak, skinny-looking drawing…

  11. Obligatory nerd observation:

    In some of the animated versions, including at least some of the old Fleischer ones, the Big Blue Boyscout changed his voice just slightly — softer as Clark, bolder as Supes.

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