bz panel 06-29-13bz strip 06-29-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Inside the Game.

I used to play baseball in school and enjoyed it but I’m not a big fan of watching it live or on TV. I know thousands of you are baseball fans and I’m not trying to offend you, but for me, watching baseball is like watching people play Monopoly. There just isn’t enough action to keep my attention.  A couple of sports writers  independently clocked the amount of time that the ball is actually in play in the average game and it came to 8 to 12 minutes. Most games today last around three hours. That just isn’t enough to warrant the investment of my time. I suspect that some people are baseball fans precisely because it is so slow. Doing nothing for a few hours can be very therapeutic––no sarcasm intended.

I have to admit that I feel pretty much the same way about soccer. Though the play is constant, not nearly enough happens other than watching players jog around a field. Even if it was as exciting as a demolition derby, however, I still wouldn’t watch until the players stop diving and writhing in “pain” every time someone passes closely enough to them to cause a breeze. In my favorite sport, ice hockey, they regularly penalize players for falling more dramatically than they should. Even if it is subtle. If pro soccer did this, all of the players on both teams would be thrown out of the game at the end of the first ten minutes. If you don’t believe me, watch five minutes of a pro soccer game. It’s almost professional wrestling at this point.

Sorry if I have offended fans of these sports, I don’t mean to. Just explaining why I’m not into them.


44 thoughts on “Out

  1. I have the exact same opinion of baseball that you do for the same reason. It’s good a putting me to sleep. And don’t get me started on football – it ranks up there with boxing as one of the nastier sports. Killing the other guy isn’t what I was taught sports were about.

  2. The team’s name on the pitcher’s shirt is “Birds” _ upside down!

    Doesn’t that “upside down bird” count? It should!

    : D

      • Hey, I play a lot of boardgames. The ‘net has brought a huge renaissance and boatloads of games to choose from. Comparing boardgames to golf is really unfair the the gamers. Golf hasn’t deserved any respect at all since they moved off the mountains of Scotland onto those over-manicured over-toxic giant lawns.

        • Don’t get me wrong, I love board games. I was comparing golf to having the physical exertion level of a board game, as opposed to a sport.

        • I’m a huge fan of board games myself, but the distinction is I’d much rather play them than watch other people play them.

  3. Dan, I really enjoy your amazing comics and blog. You are generous to share your insights about humor and the creative process. Today’s comic seemed odd to me, almost as if the image was printed backwards. Umpires use their right arm to call strikes, not their left. Also, the catcher is left handed, which almost never happens in baseball. ( http://bb_catchers.tripod.com/catchers/catchleft.htm ) Was there a production mistake, or is the apparent reverse image just another part of the joke that went over my head?

    • I drew it that way for compositional reasons. I didn’t realize umpires only use their right hand for a strike and I assumed catchers, like most athletes, come in both flavors. :o)

      • If you will hold the cartoon up to a mirror, the images will have all characters right-handed.

        I believe someone could have put the image in backwards!


    • So glad someone else pointed that out…I kept wondering if there was meaning in it being the left arm!

      Love your comics, Dan, even if we totally disagree about baseball. :-)

    • Definitely! My second and third fave teams are Chicago and NY Rangers, in that order. So I was pretty happy with the Stanley Cup this year, though I wish the Kings had repeated.

    • As I mentioned in another comment response, I don’t consider golf a sport. It’s a really huge board game and just as boring to watch other people play. I’m sure it is fun to play it yourself, but I’ve never tried.

  4. Baseball IS relaxing. So is watching grass grow but at least with baseball there is a jolt of excitement every so often. With grass watching you may get a jolt out of seeing a few butterflies or copulating flies every so often but baseball is a good way to waste an afternoon. In your cartoon did you ever think of having Vader holding a light saber instead of a baseball bat? Just wondering…. That’s what I would have done. But since you’re so much better at this than I am I won’t bug you much about it. Carry on.

  5. I agree. There’s a sport called cricket, particularly famous in southern Asia and the UK. It’s played for 6 hours over 5 consecutive days. And then it can end with no winner.

    • The thing to remember with cricket is that a century is not the length of the game, but rather the number of runs (100) by a batsman in a single inning. I’d take cricket over baseball any day — and I have been to a professional baseball game: Giants v. Dodgers at Candlestick. There was someone on base before I realized that the game had started. At one point I thought everyone was packing up — turned out to be the 7th inning stretch — and a friend had to assure me that it wasn’t the half-way point.

      Cricket may seem as though it takes a long time, but baseball feels like it.

  6. i also agree with your stance on baseball… boring.

    i like the NBA, but even they “flop” sometimes. the NBA has actually established anti-flop rules. $5,000 for every flop (however, it’s still questionable how effective it is).

    and in the finals…

    Violation 1: $5,000 fine

    Violation 2: $10,000 fine

    Violation 3: $15,000 fine

    Violation 4: $30,000 fine

    seems like professional soccer should try a system like this.

    for this comic i think you could have even put the umpire in an empire waist dress just to add more fuel to the fire. :)

  7. Actually soccer players are penelized when they fall dramatically in the hope of ‘earning’ a penalty. It’s called a ‘schwalbe’, which is the German word for swallow.

  8. Pingback: Dan Piraro’s ‘The Empire Strikes Out’ on The Orange Co.

  9. If there is an Umpire Strikes Back cartoon sequel, it should involve too much pine tar on Darth’s light sabre.

    1. Hockey

    2. College Football (excluding the bowl season)

    3. UFC (though mainly just the “best-of” shows – Anderson Silva is an artist)

    Don’t even get me thinking about the excitement of curling.

  10. Pingback: The Empire Strikes Out | Frencom

    • It doesn’t surprise me that that pun has been used before but I couldn’t find any when I decided to draw it. Oh well.

    • Yeah, that’s not surprising but I couldn’t find anything done on that pun so I drew it anyway. Such is the life of a cartoonist.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *