Salty Sex


bz panel 07-24-13bz strip 07-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Real Life Mermaid.

Anyone remember the film, “Splash”? It came out in the late 1900s and starred Tom Hanks as a New York guy and Daryl Hannah as a mermaid who’s walking around temporarily on legs for some reason, and they fall in love. Daryl was sexy as can be in that movie and everyone fell in love with her. Tom was probably really sexy, too, but I don’t recall.

Anyway, like me, Daryl is an animal rights activist and environmentalist and so she and I had some reason to talk about a project of hers back in the early 2000s. I don’t remember why now, but she called my house and left a message on my voice mail. She has a very distinctive (and sexy) voice and it was a huge thrill to hear it on my voice mail. I saved it for a long time. I briefly chatted with her in person once but we didn’t end up working together on whatever it was that she called about. I hadn’t thought of that story until I drew this comic, so that was fun.

bz panel 01-13-06 mermaid



Today’s elderly Bizarro cartoon is from 2006. In this cartoon, I did not get into how the husband character impregnated her. But then, mermaid love stories never talk about the lady’s apparent lack of the necessary apparatus for a successful relationship.


17 thoughts on “Salty Sex

  1. As Bette Midler asked, so long ago “The question before us is where’s her clitoris?”

    (Sorry, tried to find a link to her performing her mermaid routine, but couldn’t find a decent one. )

    • I wondered the same think about Ewoks. All through Return of the Jedi I asked “Where are their genitals? How do they reproduce?” (among other questions of physics, logic, plotline, statistical improbabilities, etc.) The Star Wars faithful around me were not helpful.

      • With furry animals, I always assume the genitalia are hiding, as with cats. But with a female fish, there aren’t many places to hide an opening. UNLESS…perhaps they ingest sperm orally to fertilize their eggs? Ah…a whole new twist on mermaid appeal. :o)

  2. I have always wondered how one would get down with a mermaid, it seems uncomfortable at best. But, maybe if they can turn into Darryl Hannah with legs for short periods of time that would work. Or maybe there is an orifice in the back we don’t usually see… definitely need to wear some protection from those scales though… hmmm

  3. In the interests of not stirring rancor and eternal condemnation, I shall not make any mention whatsoever of any unholey mermaid, ever virgin, and if I should slip with the keyboard, please avert your innocent eyes . . .

  4. An article in the Washington Post a few years ago looked at US census records. Before the movie “Splash” no one ever named their daughters “Madison.” After it, well, kaboom! Now there are female Madisons everywhere. All because of a silly movie about a mermaid!

    PS Is that manatee’s name Hugh?

    • That makes perfect sense! THAT’S why that name began to plague American children! I’m a vehement opponent of snooty, country club-sounding, last-name-first-names like Madison, Tyler, Brookes, Whitney, Taylor, etc.

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