Small Threats


bz panel 08-31-13dogdreambz strip 08-31-13dogdreamBizarro is made possible today by At Least It’s Fresh.

I’ve known many dogs in my 659 months of life and I think I know a thing or two about what I imagine they might be thinking or dreaming about. As an imaginary expert in the field of dog psychology, I can assure you that dogs do, in fact, fantasize about having the abilities of humans in regards to activities like driving cars and running down pedestrians. Most people assume that dogs chase cars because they mistake them for prey, but the truth is that dogs desperately want to drive. Other common dog fantasies include riding the subway, having lunch at expensive restaurants while sitting in a chair, playing ping pong, and humping the legs of celebrities. Favorite celebrities of dog’s fantasies include Justin Timberlake, Anna Gunn, Michael Jordon, Hillary Clinton, and Jay Leno.






bz 09-25-02 BlindMimingREGURGITATED PICKLES: Today’s oldie is from 2002. It has nothing to do with dogs or psychology, but I’ve always been proud of this gag and still like it after all of these years. It is my hope that a Jazz Pickle or two will dig it, too.


22 thoughts on “Small Threats

  1. haha.. Both are excellent. Thanks for the laughs. I had given so little thought to miming that i never thought about how it could be even more boring for someone who was blind.

  2. My dogs would tear out the insoles of shoes, leaving very little of the padding. They would then give me a happy grin for their efforts.

  3. I’ve seen a dog ride the subway. It came trotting down the street, went under the turnstyle, trotted down the stairs, and sat waiting for a train. When the train came, it got in, rode for three or four stops, and then got out. Last seen going up the stairs at that station. The whole time, it had the calm air of a dog who knows exactly what he is doing – no whining, searching around, nothing. I suppose it MAY have been a lost dog, but it certainly didn’t appear to be – appeared to be just going about his business.

      • Here’s an intriguing story from New Year’s Eve, 2012, about a London Underground-riding dog:

        Comments suggest the dog’s owner might have routinely taken the dog on the tube but then fell ill or died.

        Strangely, reporter Amanda Williams didn’t follow up on this irresistible news story, so I emailed the RSPCA and got this reply:

        Marianne Segev, one of the nursing supervisors at the RSPCA’s Putney Animal Hospital said: “Joy is a really nice-natured dog who gets on with humans and other animals. She has an ear problem which is receiving veterinary attention and is waiting for a neutering operation. After that she will be put up for rehoming.

        “Her owner did not bother to microchip her or give her a collar and if they were looking hard they would have seen her picture in the newspaper. She deserves the chance to find a family who will cherish her.”

        Best wishes,

        Diane Roberts, Press officer

        I lost track of the story after that. I think I should follow up to see if she was adopted.

        If you’re curious too, you may wish to email both the RSPCA and Daily Mail reporter Amanda Williams via her editor to ask about updates on Joy, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier that walked on the tube in Cockfosters Station from 31 December 2012.

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  6. Regurgitated Pickles. Ha! Was that one of the original submissions, or did someone come up with that one later? I love it.

    Those are some relatively stealthy symbols, too. Sometimes I wish that the hidden symbols were harder to find.

    Aaand… was it intentional that the dream of grandeur was had by a chihuahua (I love spelling “chihuahua”, btw), a small breed common to have a Napoleon complex?

    • Definitely intentional. I’ve know a handful of chihuahuas (5) in my day and they all had Napoleon complexes. Two of them were butter-colored and as round as they were long, just like the one in my cartoon. Fortunately, all of these dogs lived with friends or family members, not me. :o)

      I not only enjoy spelling chihuahua but I commonly pronounce it chi-hoo-ah-hoo-ah.

      I can’t recall if Regurgitated Pickles was one of the original ones available for voting or if it came in later and I added it because I like it.

  7. I wonder if the term “repast” applies, as in “Bizarro Repasts”. Visiting such gems aren’t regurgitations, but a feast surely worthy of revisiting.

  8. Sorry to say this Dan…but I thought that was a rabbit laying on the bed…and I was wondering why a rabbit would go up a tree for a cat…

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