Devil in the Details

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bz panel 10-05-13bz strip 10-05-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Devil.

You might not think you’d find the cleanest kitchen in the universe in Hell, but you’d be wrong. If you visit the correct part of Hell, you’ll find this one, kept immaculate by one of Satan’s mop-wielding minions. Of course, anyone who actually believes in Hell likely believes that cockroaches don’t get any kind of afterlife because they are not the chosen, magical, super-cool beings that we humans are, but my cartoons do not discriminate. If one species gets eternal ecstasy or torment, they all do. Good cockroaches––the kind that do good for others, don’t have premarital sex, abstain from intoxicants of all kinds, and pray to the One True God regularly––will live in a filthy kitchen with plenty of rotting snacks available 24/7, while the others go to this place. Makes you think, doesn’t it? (If so, I’d love to know what the hell you’re thinking about.)

 

 

 

Bizarro 12-08-96 HeckHell WEBREZARRO: Here’s an ancient cartoon from the late 1900s that shows what my own personal hell would be like. If I die and find myself in a place like this, I’ll sure as hell wish I’d worshipped the correct god for my entire life.  This cartoon looks different from my current work partly because it was drawn before the industry allowed us to create our own color on computer, so I had to send in a black/white image to the company that printed all Sunday comics back then, along with a Xerox of the image with tiny numbers all over it that designate to the printer where to put various colors, which were represented as percentages of CMYK (Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, Black). This system was the method for all cartoon artists for many decades but it was a real crapshoot because one had to pretty much guess at the colors and there was no way to see how it turned out until it appeared in the newspapers. (I now wish I’d colored the carpet dark red.) Jazz Pickles with a keen eye will also notice that I had not yet developed my current style of lettering. You may also notice (if you click on the image for enlargement) that the printing dots are visible. I don’t have electronic copies of my work before ’97, so I had to scan this from a book of mine, Life is Strange and So Are You; a Bizarro Sunday Treasury. If you can find this one online somewhere, snap it up. It’s out of print and has tons of fun extras.

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29 thoughts on “Devil in the Details

  1. Rezarro reminds me too much of my last Girl Friends Parents, even down to the spastic Cocker Spaniel. Only difference it was old episodes of Lawrence Welk. Going to have nightmares tonight, thanks Dan. ;)

  2. Love these… Reminds me of one of my favorites from the 80s or 90s… “Welcome to Hell Get Acquainted Luau” …If you have it to repost, I’d love to see it again!

  3. Yep … Dark Red Carpet would have done it! And absolutely agree… folks don’t have to wait to die to go to Hell! HA! Many are living in right now and they don’t even know it! Day after day monotonous, meaningless, loveless… lifeless lives! THAT’S HELL! Give me life… Give Me Love… & A Real Reason & Purpose To Live!

    >

    Thanks Dan! Treasure Your Work.

  4. Love the jumpsuit. Your version of hell is missing a newspaper with the “Family Circus” kids and their dead grandparents. Aack.

  5. The Stars and Stripes prints an abbreviated version due to the current political stranglehold. Your Sunday submission was omitted today. I am was able receive your posts on line.

  6. Hey Dan. Hope you are doing well. Where is Bizarchives in the name rotation? It is by far my favorite and I think a lot of other people voted for that one as well. It is one of the only ones that is a new word that immediately defines itself while being exclusively yours. I envision a separate logo (like the one of you after you have eaten a few too many jalapeños above) where many of the little aliens are flying around carrying folders and boxes of files inside the Raiders Of The Ark warehouse (the one at the end of the movie that goes on and on and on). The isles can be labeled with other Bizarro icons like isles at the grocery store. An Animated gif with the aliens flying about would be even better but not sure if your blog would allow that file format.

    • “Bizarrchives” is up next in the rotation, in fact. I’m a guy who enjoys variety so I enjoy swapping the names every day.

  7. Dear Dan, you probably don’t know what I thought of when I saw Roach Hell. First, I thought “why is the dynamite” blue? Then I realized that you didn’t want to distract from the color scheme of the “spotlessly clean” kitchen. Then I thought about when I was a young demon and was forced to spotlessly clean things by the head demon in our house, or do it over. That was just my mother’s way of teaching me perfectionism. Then I became totally caught up by the frilly apron on the devil. Hmm, I wondered, why a ruffled apron? Why an apron at all? Oh yes, because Dan’s paying audience would be terribly offended to see an anatomically correct devil. With those goat feet, I am quite sure that the demon is not sexless like angels are alleged to be. But wouldn’t that have been more fun to draw than the apron?

  8. I’m rather curious about what the Satan’s mop-wielding minion did on Earth to deserve a cleaning job in Hell’s Kitchen.

    • According to Christian mythology, demons are not former humans but fallen angels. (Humans don’t become angels after they die, angels are a different creature altogether, and were created as angels.) So all this one did to become a demon was decide to follow Lucifer (Satan) instead of god. What he might have done to displease Satan and get assigned to this lousy detail, only heaven knows.

  9. Devil in the Details? You fell a few biscuits short of a dog treat calling that a cocker spaniel: wrong tail (cockers have docked tails), wrong head/snout, ears fairly short (for a cocker), and the body about twice the size… fairly good golden retriever though. That said, you WOULD have had a heck of a time showing “motion” with a docked tail.

    SenseiC bows out.

    • I think tail docking is cruel so I didn’t draw it that way. The rest of the criticisms are pretty accurate, though. :o)

  10. Dan, I prefer the Hell comic you did years ago, where it was simply a car driving along an eternal road with speed bumps every few yards. I’d link it but I can’t find it anywhere. Late 80’s, maybe early 90’s.

    • I don’t recall that one so it may not have been mine. Not sure though. I’ve published over 10,0000 cartoons so I can’t remember them all.

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