Damned If You Do


bz panel 10-12-13bz strip 10-12-13Bizarro is brought to you today by The Road Less Traveled.

When I was a teenager, I attended a fundamentalist Bible church for a few years, during which time I fully believed in The Devil, the Antichrist, the mark of the beast–666, the Book of Revelations, the Second Coming, the rapture, and the whole end-of-the-world shebang. In my defense, I was a kid and this kind of delusional thinking was common in places like Tulsa, Oklahoma, where evangelists abound. It is amazing how much influence the people around you can have. When I think of it now, I shudder at my gullibility. But it does make a pretty dandy cartoon all these years later, courtesy of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. You can see his original sketch and read his clever commentary here. If you believe in The Devil and the Second Coming, that’s fine, I hope we can still be friends. Whatever keeps your wig in place, I always say.




BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: Here’s a devil cartoon from 2004 in which I “legally” defeated the funny pages ban on foul language THREE TIMES! Using the word “damned” in its literal form enabled me to skirt the rules a bit, although I was required to provide an innocuous substitute cartoon for the markets that did not feel comfortable putting such smutty, subversive verbiage in their paper. I have no way of knowing how many of my client papers used this one and how many used the substitute.bz 01-24-04DamnedWEB Perhaps Satan will tell me after I die.


39 thoughts on “Damned If You Do

  1. Pingback: Well, that’s distrubing « Sun Country's Weblog

  2. So sorry that this warped world did something to you to take away your belief in the devil and the second coming. Because in this part of the Great Lakes states…Jesus Christ and the New Testament is alive and well. Our life here on earth is just the appetizer – the best is yet to come, so hang on to your fork.

    • I only hope that you are being facetious. If not, how could you be sorry for people that don’t take badly written and rather unimaginative fantasy seriously? Considering those stories as actual fact(and I mean all religion) can, has and most likely will result in nothing but the worst for our species and the countless others we share this planet with. We should always remain mindful of our place among all those others we sometimes callously disregard as unimportant just because they are invisible to us, and remember that we are made of the same bits and pieces we wonder at.

  3. Find this damn funny. (giggle) I enjoy seeing the humor in other religious beliefs. There is one joke I can’t tell to non-Jews without ruining said joke.

  4. I’d wait until it gets down to 222, myself. Then again, for my generation of computer users, Lotus 1-2-3 was the number AND the beast. And the Eagles’ “Hotel California” was the Musical Number of the beast. Which also explains why, in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast”, the Beast never got to sing a solo.

    As the mountain stream said to the beaver: “well, I’ll be dammed.”

  5. How much is that Cerberus in the window?

    In case you’re interested, I’ve been fascinated by people’s fear of 666 for years and have collected stuff about it and shared my 666 memorabilia on my blog here. I’m glad to see it’s been discounted!

  6. Do you “shutter” at your gullibility or do you “shudder”? As a result of a similar experience, I shudder. But I’ve also shuttered during hurricane season in south Florida. Cannot believe in Satan, which I find is no loss. I really did want to believe in werewolves and vampires, though. *sniff*

  7. When I think back to things I’ve done in the past that were less than brilliant, I tend to shudder at the thought…I’m just sayin’…

    If I missed the intent of the word choice, I’ll shutter up now.

    Love both of these damned bits.

  8. You may shutter at your gullibility; personally, I shudder at the thought that I may leave a typo on a great blog for some smartass to point out. Of course, if there’s anyone who could shutter, it would have to be you ( and THAT’s an image I’m too squeamish to Google).

    Love the strip and the blog!

  9. You just made me curious! What did the “mild” version of the devilish irony gag use instead of “damned”?

    As usual, thanks for funny comics!

    • It was actually a completely different comic, not this one with a different caption. I should have been more clear about that.

    • No, it means I read all comments before posting them. I post all comments unless they are spam or constitute bullying of another commenter. It often takes 12 to 24 hours from comments to show up.

  10. Hmm, I could see spoofing the censorship with ridiculously obvious alternate text, should the opportunity arise, e.g.:

    “Where the heck did I leave my glasses?”

    “Right on top of your dang head.”


    Are you allowed to say “oh fudge” in Phuket?

  11. Damn, this strikes a chord with me! Have done this many times AND I live in Phoenix which is, usually, Hot as Hell! Ironic that I remember seeing this first run in a Pomona CA newspaper and not here in the Valley of the Damned.

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