Bizarro is brought to you today by My Previous Job.
I am fortunate enough to have spent very little time in my life working in traditional offices. I’m really not very good at being a team player, following rules, sitting quietly through meetings that aren’t about me, performing tasks I don’t care about, etc. In short, I’m an artist and we make fairly terrible employees. But I can easily imagine the torture that most people go through in those settings, hence cartoons like this one.
This next cartoon is a collaborative effort between myself and my showbiz manager, the wild, wooly, and weirdly wonderful Jeff Topper. If this technology doesn’t already exist, you can be sure it will soon. Perhaps before I finish typing this sentence. Imagine being able to program your mirror to show you a “live” image of yourself, but looking the way you’d like to look, instead of the way you do. I could shave George Clooney’s face very morning instead of my own. (Not that I would like to look like George specifically, but he is widely considered to be handsome.) Clear a space on your wall for it because it is coming.
BIZOMBIES: I came across this little something from ’96 while searching my archives this morning. I’ve always liked this gag, although it was better the way I originally wrote it, in which the song title she concludes with is, “I Wish I’d Been a Lesbian.” That word wasn’t allowed in the newspaper funny pages back then (is it now?) so I had to find another lifestyle that was likely childless and far from the average, suburban, PTA mom. Nowadays, plenty of lesbian couples live in suburban settings, raise kids, and are PTA moms, but back then it was much less common, or at least known of. I still think “Malcontent Moms” is a good name for a band.