Lifestyle Variations


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I am fortunate enough to have spent very little time in my life working in traditional offices. I’m really not very good at being a team player, following rules, sitting quietly through meetings that aren’t about me, performing tasks I don’t care about, etc. In short, I’m an artist and we make fairly terrible employees. But I can easily imagine the torture that most people go through in those settings, hence cartoons like this one.








This next cartoon is a collaborative effort between myself and my showbiz manager, the wild, wooly, and weirdly wonderful Jeff Topper. If this technology doesn’t already exist, you can be sure it will soon. Perhaps before I finish typing this sentence. Imagine being able to program your mirror to show you a “live” image of yourself, but looking the way you’d like to look, instead of the way you do. I could shave George Clooney’s face very morning instead of my own. (Not that I would like to look like George specifically, but he is widely considered to be handsome.) Clear a space on your wall for it because it is coming.







BIZOMBIES: bz 11-15-96 WEBI came across this little something from ’96 while searching my archives this morning. I’ve always liked this gag, although it was better the way I originally wrote it, in which the song title she concludes with is, “I Wish I’d Been a Lesbian.” That word wasn’t allowed in the newspaper funny pages back then (is it now?) so I had to find another lifestyle that was likely childless and far from the average, suburban, PTA mom. Nowadays, plenty of lesbian couples live in suburban settings, raise kids, and are PTA moms, but back then it was much less common, or at least known of. I still think “Malcontent Moms” is a good name for a band.





17 thoughts on “Lifestyle Variations

  1. Just one of those little things, but I think it’s really cool that you give such prominent attribution to your collaborating artists.

    • Thanks, I appreciate that. Many if not most of my colleagues in syndication use collaborators but virtually none of them get any publicity.

  2. Yeah! Puts me in mind of the play Angry Housewives. Songs like “Eat Your Fucking Cornflakes/Do You Know How Much That Shit Costs?”

    • Yay! My thoughts exactly. I can only guess at the year-of-yore when I saw the Seattle production of Angry Housewives, but this episode of Bizarro absolutely instantly evoked that same show and, yes, that same fabulous song. [Sigh.] Good times….

      And while I’m here, many thanks to *you*, Mr. Piraro, for the seemingly infinite fount of happy insanity you open to us all from your gloriously and cheerfully macabre veins. I salute you, Sir!


  3. I totally snuck that Crown of Power onto the bulletin board while no one was looking. Figured no one would notice until the stretchy comic rolled out.

  4. I work for state government… I think I may have written that memo. Some of us still have a sense of humor bordering on hysteria.

  5. I’m an HIV Prevention Specialist for the Office of Epidemiology and Prevention Services (OEPS) …. which in turn is a division of the Bureau for Public Health (BPH) …. which in turn is a division of the West Virginia Department of Health and Human Resources (DHHR). No one understands “bureaucracy” better than I do. Your water cooler cartoon is spot-on.

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