Ape Creep Athlete Finger


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Bizarro is brought to you today by How Hair Grows.

I’ve been watching the new Cosmos series on Fox television recently and it’s really wonderful. I highly recommend it to anyone of any age with a working brain. They discuss evolution quite a bit, of course, since it is the way the entire universe more-or-less works, so this gag appealed to me.






My Tuesday gag this week is from the brain glob of my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. He may have had me in mind when writing this since he has been married only once and still is, whereas I’ve gone through wives with the frequency of Neujmin’s Comet––once every 18 years or so. Wayno doesn’t admit this in his blog post, but I’m going to assume it is true. Check out his comments and his original submission sketch here.








Wednesday’s gag is a snapshot from the untelevised Spring Olympics. Untelevised because who really wants to see people battling their lawns and gardens anyway? I must admit that this one was fun to imagine and draw.



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JAZZ PICKLE JAR: Here, from the year 1999, is a comic that reminds me of my week. Normally, nothing much goes wrong with me but this week, I’ve felt like the universe has been giving me the finger. I ran out of  crazy pills (anti-depressants) late last week but forgot to call in the refill for a day. Once I did, I forgot to pick them up for another day. Then the pharmacy was closed for two days and by the time I picked them up, I’d been four days without, which leaves me feeling really weird and dizzy (not to mention crazy). Just as that was wearing off, I was riding my motorbike and suddenly felt a tremendous, pinpoint burning sensation in my arm. I had run into a bee and it stung me. I’m a little allergic to the ass poison of flying insects so my arm swelled and turned red and hurt like hell for three days. That wore off today but now I’ve got an intense, all-at-once toothache. What’s the deal?  (I’d have said, “what next,” but I’m afraid to.)

Sorry the image on this one is small and crappy. It’s old. If you click on it, it will get a little bigger, but no less crappy.












27 thoughts on “Ape Creep Athlete Finger

      • “we used to have characteristics, now we have symptoms”: that bee sting was to remind you to cut the big pharma umbilical cord, and i am sorry that you have been having a crappy time of it; if it’s any comfort, there has been a lot of that going around this past week; Spring seems to be coming in like a homicidal hall monitor.

  1. Dan, your always funny, hope you feel better soon. I like to say some days I’m the dog and some days I’m the fire hydrant .

  2. Let me guess, the earthquake was the cherry on top? Medication is good, please keep abreast on your pill count! xo

  3. Hey! I hope all’s well next week _ I’ve tickets to see a really cool movie over in H’weird.

    Sorry for being dodgy, but I think you know what I’m talking about!

    ; )

      • SHURE!

        Though I’m not much of a boy anymore. Think of “40-yo Virgin” + Robin. Except that I’m gay & Hispanic.

        Well, I’ve never had sex with a girl, so yeah … still a virgin!

        : P

    • DAvid, if your Dad is Ronald Ebinger, formally of Cedar Rapids and currently of Fountain Hills, Arizona, please contact me. I am trying to find him for my Dad, who worked with him at Bishops.

  4. One way to avoid that nightmare: every time you refill your prescription, take one pill out and store it in another vial. In a few months you’ll have an emergency “stash” in case you forget again and can’t pick up your scrip for a few days. We want you healthy and happy. As for the toothache, I got nothin’..

  5. What about your shoulder? Was that bugging you too, or did your other maladies overwhelm its pain? Also, next time you get a sting, right away take four Benedryl tablets and chew them. It will help to diminish the effects of the histamine that your body is producing madly.

    • Thanks for the tip. I’ve not been stung since I was 10 years old, so I’m hoping I can go another 45 years until the next one.
      My shoulder is an ongoing issue but it’s livable.

  6. At least you’re not about to be squished by your own giant finger- that one is a true classic.

    Target does auto refills, and robo-calls you when it’s time to pick it up. I don’t mean to sounds like a commercial, but it keeps me on schedule.

  7. Can’t express how much I enjoyed “Ask me about Darwin!” Living in Darwin, NT, the capital of Australia’s Top End, we tend to get forgotten about. I posted it in my Facebook under the heading “Going for a job at the Top End Tourist Commission; I’ll let you know how it evolves.” I feel I’ve transformed it into a joke that transcends many levels, a bit like when you break wind in an elevator.

    Thanks Again! Regards and Respect, Darwin Dave

    • Great story, Dave, thanks so much for telling me. I must admit that I, myself, had forgotten there was a Darwin in Australia. The shame of this consumes me. I love what you did with the gag, though. Perhaps your city government will license the cartoon to use on their tourism billboards. :^}

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