Sunday Punnies #35

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Bizarro 07-13-14 hedrWEbBizarro 07-13-14 WEB(To see an enbigginated version of any of these cartoons, tap them with your clicker.)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Self Defense Advice.

Here is number 35 in my series of “Sunday Punnies,” which are puns donated by readers, then expertly interpreted and illustrated by the best artist I could find without leaving my house. Congrats this time goes to Jay Branscomb, Cliff Harris (yes, The King of Wordplay), and Martin Baker.  If you have an original pun that you’d like to submit, leave it in the comments section of any post on this blog and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Your pun MUST be ORIGINAL. Don’t be sending me something you heard somewhere or saw on the Truthernet. Well, you can, but I won’t use it.

2. Tell me what name you’d like me to use at the bottom, should I choose your pun for a future edition. Anything goes, as long as it isn’t too long to fit the space or obscene.

3. YOUR SUGGESTION WILL NOT APPEAR IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, so don’t expect to see it there. I read them, save the ones that I think might be useful, and delete the comments containing pun submissions without posting them so as not to ruin the gag for other readers. All other kinds of comments will be posted. Unless you behave badly.

4. Put your life’s savings in the “Tip Jar” in the margin of this blog. This isn’t necessary and won’t improve your chances of having your pun chosen, but free money is always appreciated.

That’s all there is to it! Have fun, Jazz Pickles.

bz panel 07-11-14bz strip 07-11-14bz panel 07-12-14bz strip 07-12-14These two cartoons are from Friday and Saturday of last week. I’ve been involved in a legal battle with the worst ex-wife I’ve ever had, so this law cartoon seemed appropriate. Contrary to what many people believe, cartoonists like myself are not rich, so lawsuits are not just a royal pain in the ass, but also an unwanted financial burden. (I can’t think of an example of a “wanted” financial burden at the moment, but give me some time.) Whatever. We all have financial burdens, I just happen to have a cartoon feature in which to exorcise my demons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my humble opinion, twerking is the stupidest thing since giant, baggy pants that you have to hold  up in order to walk. Yes, I’m becoming an old codger, but I kind of like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PREHISTARROS: Here’s a complicated Sunday cartoon of mine from the late 1900s. Since it, too, is based on a pun, I thought it seemed appropriate to feature today. I hope you have found a smile on this page somewhere.biz41htcWEB

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41 thoughts on “Sunday Punnies #35

    • You may leave it here, Bill. I’ll review it and save it for later consideration, but won’t post it for the public to read. Thanks!

  1. “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”

    Okay, I know there are male prostitutes, too, but still… I came up with this decades ago as a teenager when friends of mine were studying horticulture and I was attempting to make a joke out of the phrase “whore to culture”, being a homophone for the word. Parodying the “You can lead a horse to water…” adage was the best I could do and I stopped there.

    I hope you can use this, but I’ll be interested in your feedback if you have any. Thank you for your inventive, surprising, often surreal cartoons. As I told you a couple of months back, I’m jazzed to have connected with your work again and happpy that you’re still creating.

  2. So does the lawyer work in the afternoons as a doctor in a hospital? Are they the same woman or just related? Is she perhaps a female fan of Frank Abagnale?

      • To Daniel,

        The lawyer on the 11th and the doctor on the 12th don’t look anything alike, other than their hairstyles and earring. Perhaps they go to the same stylist? Or they’re a couple and share the same wig?

  3. Hi Dan–

    This isn’t a pun, but a gag idea.

    I don’t know if it’s been done before, I don’t remember ever seeing it, so here goes…

    You know when you’re driving along the highway, a housing development or an apartment complex will have a sign that reads something like “If you lived here, you’d be home now”. I thought it would be funny if the sign read “If you lived here, you missed your exit”.

    Hopefully this is something you can use.

    Your faithful Jazz Pickle,

    Alex Vosicka

    • A very funny idea, Alex, but I’ve done already done a couple of different takes on that sign in the past. Great minds…

  4. We drove by a house along side a well traveled road heading to the beach that is always backed up with Friday afternoon and Saturday traffic. The first sign this couple had in their yard was a professional road sign, like any other on a state road. It said: Caution, this sign has sharp edges. Then further on there was a box near their driveway that had an old baby doll attached to it in the box, just it’s head showing and a make-shift sign saying: “deposit your ugly babies here”. Well we were cracking up, but had driven by it by then. Makes me want to drive back to see what else I may have missed. Love your work. Pie fan.

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  6. Too punny :-)

    I really love them all.

    I also have the strong faith that my fellow jazz pickles will not be too orthograpically challenged to find “gang violins” appalling, unlike that “average reader” (i.e. reader of average publications, not your outstanding cartoons) who might have accepted that phenomenon by now.

  7. Pingback: Puns! | ***Dave Does the Blog

  8. Hi Dan: does it bother you that people misspell the name of your cartoon panel? After all these years, I just noticed that on the Chicago Trib’s site your cartoon is spelled “Bizarro” on the selection page.

  9. Love Piraro’s originality. Also, doesnt he work harder on this graphics than stick-figure artists like Pastis and Rob DenBleyker? So it bothers me that Piraro doesnt have like a million twitter followers. Maybe a few recurring characters … I’m going to keep spreading the Bizarro word. Cheers!

  10. No, that can’t be it… Give us a minute, Sir, and we will figure it out.

    Maybe there has been a planetary takeover and that is the only hairstyle allowed and the only earring choice… Naw.

    Maybe the woman had plastic surgery and a new job… Naw.

    Oh, I got it! Maybe they were drawn by the same cartoonist!

  11. One night recently, my wife Carrie and I had just started to drift off to sleep. She started dreaming about dogs, and I dreamt I was throwing something. But I wasn’t yet asleep enough to have had my brain fully disconnect from my muscles, so I actually did fling my arm out and hit something. That woke both of us up.

    Carrie asked if I was alright and I told her what happened. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to have been throwing. “Maybe you were throwing a ball for my three dogs.” she said. I replied “Wasn’t that a 60s sitcom?” “What, Throwing A Ball?” she asked knowing full well what I meant. “No” I said, “Throwing a ball would be something you would do in a fairy tale.” “Three Blind Dogs?” she suggested. “Old Cinder-Yeller” I countered, “And her Fairy Dogmother.”

  12. Hi Dan:

    Given the new administration in the White House, maybe your delightfully sick, twisted mind can conjure up some visuals to depict a staffer observing an electronic machine spitting out a piece of paper… he/she excitedly proclaims something to the effect “This is an alternative fax!”

    DS
    Las Vegas, Nevada

  13. Long long ago, my mother and sisters went to a talk about a topic I’ve long forgotten, but my mother’s actions upon entering became a family joke for decades.

    Mother led the family continent into the lobby with handout material on a table and she was greeted by a man with “Help Yourself”. She said thank you and proceeded to peruse the material and then head into the hall.

    Mother and sisters were at once shocked and amused when someone finally came on the stage to introduce the featured speaker Hal Percell.

    True story.

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