Fortune Butch Safety Bus

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bz panel 08-21-14bz strip 08-21-17bz panel 08-22-14bz strip 08-22-14bz panel 08-23-14bz strip 08-23-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Infamous Vessel of Calming Liquid.

Here’s one of my not-so-rare cameo appearances in Bizarro, along with my amazing womanpartner (girlfriend just seems too juvenile at our age and experience,) Olive Oyl. I don’t have a Smart Car, but both she and I have tiny little Fiat 500s, hers is all electric. And neither of us have had our cars crushed by SUVs (knock on wood.)  The electric Fiat is a terrific car with amazing pickup and speed and I’ll likely be switching over soon. It’s actually faster and more peppy than my gas-powered one! And you can go 100 miles on a full charge, which only costs $4. These cars are only available in California and Oregon, I guess because those are the only places with ample public charging stations to support the kind of sales they need to make it worth their investment. And California gives you a $2500 rebate for getting one. Can’t beat it.

For a print of this cartoon, click here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Superwoman cartoon came to me as I was thinking about all the hot, supermodel-types who play female superheroes in the movies and on TV. If my life was on the line, Personally, I’d prefer a beefy lesbian show up to help me out of a tough spot.

For a print of this cartoon, click here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This last offering of the week is a little opaque, perhaps. When I wrote it, I had in mind the kind of family that fights a lot during large, holiday dinners, sort of like mine did before the invention of Prozac. (I’m happy to say that those days are long gone for my family and helmets are no longer needed.)  Or, you could just see it as an extension of the modern safety-obsessed American family that is scared to death someone is going to get hurt, which is one of my pet peeves. Either interpretation is acceptable, as well as anything else you might be able to come up with. I’m pretty easy going in that regard.

For a print of this cartoon, click here.

 

 

 

BIZARROVERS: From the archival dungeon, I bring you this SUV cartoon from 1998. I’ve long disliked the American tradition of hyper-consumerism and have been aghast at how many American cars are larger than the average European apartment. I’m more forgiving of people who actually have a lot of stuff to haul around all the time, like if your job is in construction or gardening or something, but I know from experience that you can easily raise a family of four without driving a school bus around. The pollution and gas consumption (that is undoubtedly ruining our planet) that so many millions of SUVs and trucks cause is irresponsible in my view. Of course, the damage we’ve done to the oceans with pollution and over-fishing is going to be our species’ demise (and countless others) so it’s almost irrelevant at this point. Sad, but true.

Along those lines, I saw a terrifically interesting film on Netflix last week called “Mission Blue.” I recommend it for anyone who gives a shit about the environment. It’s not the whole story, of course, but it’s a huge part and one that doesn’t make headlines very often. If you really want to lower your carbon footprint, switch to am mostly vegan diet and drive a motorcycle, very small car, or electric car. Recycling is important, but only a spit in the ocean.bz 980707 SUV WEB

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31 thoughts on “Fortune Butch Safety Bus

  1. You’ve drawn yourself too dowdy.

    Sit up straight & square those shoulders, Cartoonist!

    — Would that be a pun? “Boot camp for Illustrators?

  2. I just want to point out that your appearance in the first strip is not a cameo, as you are clearly the star; your appearances *are* usually cameos, but not this time.

  3. Trying to leave a smaller carbon footprint is a noble but perhaps pointless endeavour: if enough people do it, it will reduce the demand for fossil fuels, which will bring the price down, which will serve as incentive for the greedy to use more. I.e. every drop of oil you save will simply be used by someone else, who has less of a conscience than you. Economics is a bitch.

    My greatest concern here is that you, in a fit of green conscience, will stop drawing cartoons in order to save trees. Please don’t! You bring much joy to the world, and any paper you save will simply be used by politicians to write stupid speeches on.

    In the long run, the fossil fuels will run out and we’ll all have no choice but to switch from Crude Oyl to Olive Oyl. :-)

  4. Watched Mission Blue 3days ago……..Profound……..LifeChanging….gratitude to Sylvia Earle and her lifelong courageous service to humanity……Thank you Dan for highlighting her very important Message…..!!!

  5. How little is a “tiny little” Fiat 500…..being a resident of RoseTown, and considering a new set of wheels…….sounds possible……….!

    • It’s a common colloquialism among gays and lesbians to call an effeminate man “Mary.” Sometimes it’s friendly, sometimes derogatory.

  6. You still do: a full head of hair and no wrinkles (crow’s feet, laugh lines, etc.). That is … unless the hat is covering a bald patch and you’ve found the fountain of youth?

    Hmm … not to be calloused, but now I’m wondering what you & the other cartoonists do at gatherings. Compare occupational hazards to be proud of? “Yeah, I got this bit of callused skin on my finger while drafting back in winter of ’02 a parody of ….”

  7. “Personally, I’d prefer a beefy lesbian show up to help me out of a tough spot.”

    Oh, dear. I hate to be politically correct, but my daughter is a lesbian and is not “beefy.” In fact, I rather thought your character resembled some of the women I see in the grocery store with several screaming kids straggling along behind. Or one of the ladies I see entering church every Sunday. Or a young woman I know who struggles with a genetic condition that causes weight gain and hirsutism. Or perhaps she’s just someone who eats a lot of red meat, chocolate ice cream, and Twinkies. I know several of them, as well.

    I don’t believe being a lesbian make my daughter more inclined to be a butch superhero than any of the females I’ve just mentioned. She’s just a young woman who seeks not to be stereotyped, and to love and be loved.

    Mary

    • Of course you are correct. I didn’t mean to imply that all lesbians are beefy or butch; far from it. I was just being funny.

  8. For being abonimable and having large carbon footprints I call the SUVs Carbon Snowmen. I thought that was clever until I saw that Skoda’s new gas guzzler is called … Yeti!

  9. I have a couple of ideas for pro-vegan, one-frame comics, and don’t have any artistic ability. Could you favor me with a reply? Many thanks.

    Robin

    • If you’d like to donate the ideas to me in hopes I may be able to use them, leave me a message at facebook.com/bizarrocomics. Thanks!

  10. “Fashion models don’t fight crime, Mary” made me laugh out loud. Let me just tell you I don’t often LOL. You’re good. You’re real good. And when you make that t-shirt, I would wish that there’ll be a long-sleeved option, as well as more than one X.

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