Bizarro is brought to you today by Being Your Own Pet.
It’s been a busy week at Rancho Bizarro and I didn’t even fully realize I hadn’t posted any cartoons since last Sunday until this morning. Crazy, daddio. I’m still working as the host/narrator of FOX TV’s Utopia, which has kept me pretty busy. I don’t know how long the gig will last but it sure has been fun to work on. It’s already led to other opportunities, which is terrific. One notable one is that the Coen brothers are planning a live-action version of Snow White and I’m being seriously considered for the role of Creepy, an eighth dwarf they added specifically for me. Wish me luck!
This week’s cartoons went like this…
Monday: Seriously, why do superheroes need to have secret identities and ridiculous costumes? I suspect this will remain a mystery of our civilization for centuries to come.
Tuesday: Seriously, how many eggs can one small, red bird lay? Come on!
Wednesday: Seriously, how weird is it that a caterpillar can turn into a butterfly? Is this biological metamorphosis meant to inspire us to quit our jobs at the grocery store and become astronauts? Because that’s what it did for me. (Still looking for an astronaut program that will accept me, but I’m hopeful.)
Thursday: Seriously, we pay money for a bloody body chunk of some dead thing but the presence of a single hair ruins it. Really?
Friday: I grew up with three sisters and a mother, had two daughters of my own, and have had numerous girlfriends and wives. PMS symptoms varied with all of them, of course, but I know of what I speak. Seriously.
Saturday: Seriously, most decent men will let a woman cry on our shoulder but none of us are particularly fond of it. If you’re a man with large, absorbent shoulders, you may want to consider offering this service. I suspect it represents a significant market opportunity. Also, I misspelled “absorbent” in the strip version of this cartoon but my editor didn’t catch it. I may need to cry on her shoulder.