So Much Funny


Bizarro 02-01-15 Hdr WEB Bizarro 02-01-15 WEB

(Make any cartoon bigger by clicking it. Whatsamatter? Scared?)

Bizarro is brought to you today by This Kind of Music.

Those of you who read my ramblings regularly know that I’m no fan of the human race. We were terrific up until the invention and widespread use of agriculture, and then everything went to hell in a relatively short amount of time; war, disease, pollution. Yes, agriculture caused all of that.  Not much can be done about it now in the same way that you cannot put toothpaste back into a tube once you’ve given it a good hard squeeze, but it is lamentable. As things are now, the last thing the world needs is more humans, so this cartoon is about that.

It is rare that I will use a stormy sky in one of my cartoons that is not about a storm (I use them on cartoons about the Noah’s Ark myth but rarely any other time) but I thought in this case it lent a certain deserved ominousness. I hope I don’t live to see the end of the comfort we have built for ourselves here in America, but I very well might. Yikes.

bz panel 01-26-15I also did some other cartoons last week and here they are. I usually post the panel (vertical) and strip (horizontal) versions of the cartoons but today I decided if the strip version doesn’t add anything new, what’s the point of posting it?  Let me know if that  bothers you and why it would behoove me to bz strip 01-26-15bz panel 01-27-15spend the extra time to remedy that.

Regarding specific comments about these cartoons, I have nothing to say about the naked office or GPS cartoon, but would like to say I have no idea what I was thinking when I did the one about slaves rowing a ship. For some reason, I wondered what bz strip 01-27-15could be worse than being a bz panel 01-28-15slave rowing a ship in olden times, then thought of one of those overly-chatty women on airplanes that I loathe getting stuck next to and thought, yes, that would be the worst of all possible worlds. I don’t think it’s a particularly successful cartoon, but then I have published nearly 11,000 gags in my life so I’m due a clinker or two.

bz panel 01-29-15Come to think of it, there were a couple of pretty weird cartoons this week. The rat cartoon is terribly strange, but in a good way, I think. Are we supposed to assume that this woman is in a long-term relationship with a giant rat? And that her comment about drugs in college somehow explains it? I guess we are.

I’m going on record as saying I’m pretty proud bz panel 01-30-15bz panel 01-31-15of this proctologist gag. Take Your Daughter To Work Day, which is now called something like “Take Your Child To Work Day” because they suddenly realized the rather absurdly blatant sexism in the original name, has always amused me but I don’t think I’ve ever done a cartoon about it. As I thought about a place a child would definitely not want to be taken to work, this scenario immediately came to mind because I’ve never been able to understand what kind of person goes all the way through the rigors of becoming a doctor, only to choose to specialize in diseases of the asshole. Assholes are unpleasant enough when they’re healthy.

This last gag about being a jerk was brought about by the fact that Olive Oyl and I are moving in together at the end of February and I can’t help but wonder if she’s making a huge mistake. I’m sure I’m not making a mistake, but I can’t say that she’s not.  After my most recent divorce, I suspect I’m not that easy to live with.

I’ll post again next weekend. Smooches, Jazz Pickles.





28 thoughts on “So Much Funny

  1. One of your best “rants” ever! And I LOVED all the cartoons! Laughed really hard about the slave ship one, btw.
    Best of luck to you and Olive Oyl! I’m sure it will go well. So sorry you’ve had to deal with the other BS.
    Keep up the fine work, Dan!

  2. Dan,
    I just loved today’s cartoon about I thought that you knew that you were marrying a jerk cartoon. Hilarious but a tad too true.
    Congrats to you and Olive. I do hope, though, that if it doesn’t work out, let me know. I am happily married but one never knows.
    I hope that you can put your past woman woes behind you. Sorry that it’s been such a drag.
    Keep on being funny and keeping me laughing, more often than not.

  3. I confess, I am that lady rowing with the slaves, talking away and enjoying the thrill of it all. I am enjoying seeing two different scenes from two of your cartoons from the two different angles and I love that you put in so much time to capture those images so well! And TO HELL with your emotionally unstable, disrespectful, insensitive and narcissistic x-wife. If I ever see her in person, I will be happy to sit next to her on a plane and talk excessively to her of how women have been known to destroy the heart and soul of great, wonderful, generous and talented men! She sounds like a real idiot. I am looking forward to your cartoons based strictly around her meanness and her addictive behavior. Stick it to her like a real proctologist would. And yes, as a nurse I used to assist those ‘rectum’ doctors and we all know about that joke!

  4. Good luck with Olive Oyl, Dan. How could you do any worse (than before), eh?
    I lkie the slave ship joke. I was taking it as the daydream of the 1st/class/private jet crowd, wishing we commoners were elsewhere.
    Having worked 3 places with a flower shop (I’ve been a landscraper, grower, & ls designer) the married-a-jerk one is hilarious. Some only show up when they’ve been a jerk, so when they actually are being nice it arouses suspicion from their other half. I tell young guys that, and to not wait until thy’ve done somethinmg, but usually to no avail.

    One customer came in ( a prominent local car dealer) , & announced that his secretary sent him in for “Asshole Flowers”. :))))
    To his credit, he got flowers for his wife & secretary every week, from then on.

    On a couple occasions, due to screw-ups, one by the customer, one by us, I delivered the girlfriend’s flowers to the wife. :0

  5. Been following your cartoons forever~ People tell me I have a quirky sense of humor. You out quirky me any day of the week

  6. Wow…finally the back story on what led to the divorce. Holy. Jesus. But you survived to tell about it. Maybe shop it around as a reality series?

  7. Please keep the strip panel. The Casual Friday strip showed the paper cutter and the man pouring coffee. I think they added to the humor, at least they did for me. Oh, the stormy sky was awesome in your over population strip. Definitely added to the gloominess.

  8. What Jane H. said. And I loved the galley slave one and Scott and I loved the rat cartoon! We laughed until we stopped. You really should shop that back story of your last divorce to TV. I’d watch it, as long as there was lots of black humour. Olive Oyl is a brave woman. And you’re just an incurable romantic, for all your self-proclaimed misanthropy. Best of luck to both of you!

  9. I guess Dry Land could have had a more effective anti-immigrant policy. That way the most intelligent life forms would likely have been octopuses. Yes, that’s the preferred plural: Latin words ending in -us do change to -i but Greek ones don’t. And no, it wouldn’t be porpoises since they are descended from terrestrial mammals. I expect we’ll hear from ichthyophiles and hope they can make a good case for their finny friends because the whole breed-once-and-die thing is a going to be a hard sell.

  10. I especially like the florist joke. My ex would send me flowers at work when he screwed up and it got so the receptionist would say “What did he do this time?” every time I got a delivery. Love your work and some of it made it into presentations done by the CEO at my former employer. All the best to you and Olive.

  11. I’ve been reading your cartoons in ‘Mumbai Mirror’ since four or five years and always laughed at the single-panelled container of wit. I partake in your lament over the state of the human race, but I’m also gad that you’re a part of it.
    Always looking forward to more Bizarro!
    Bombay, India

  12. I liked the slave ship one. but I like all your stuff. it matters little to me if they are strippy or panely. the proc/ girl one made me loff. your ex had all that going on and you had no idea? you may actually be worse at marriage than me. with Olive Oyl, good luck bro

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