Fleeing Fleas


Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Offices!Bizarro 07-19-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-19-15 WEBI hope you enjoy this version of the popular horror story meme wherein a traveling couple’s car breaks down and they have to ask a scary person if they can spend the night in that person’s farmhouse, castle, etc. The setup is a bit outdated now that cell phones have been invented but I suppose you could always claim there’s no reception in that area because of inherent evil or something. (Note: I put a little extra work on the reflection in the hardwood floors so please take a moment to enjoy that.)bz panel 07-13-15I’m sure one or more cats are actually running for president next year but I suspect that, as usual, The Man won’t let them on the ballot. This is entirely because cats cannot be bought by corporations.bz panel 07-14-15I have out-of-body experiences every single day, but it’s always involving other people’s bodies. Something to think about. bz panel 07-15-15I’ve always thought the coolest thing about porcupines is that when threatened, they can throw their quills outward from their body. Much like our “goosebumps” or “gooseflesh,” but with consequences.bz panel 07-16-15Yes, I know I have a bug up my ass about unnecessarily large vehicles and I’ve done a lot of cartoons about that. Here’s another one. The salesman is unnecessarily large, too, but that’s a whole other issue about the American industrialized food system.

bz panel 07-17-15One observant reader who has been riding motorcycles for around 60 years wrote to tell me the kickstands are on the wrong side of these bikes. He’s totally right and here’s why it happened: I originally drew this cartoon in reverse, with the speakers on the left and the bikers on the right, but it’s a basic tenet of humor to have your punchline as close to the end of the joke as possible. In cartoons, that is often a visual element. It’s not a big deal in this cartoon, really, but I decided after I’d drawn it, that I wanted the bikers to be the first thing the reader sees, so I reversed it on my computer. MYSTERY SOLVED!

Another reader pointed out that the biker dudes who shot each other up in Waco, Texas last month weren’t lawyers and accountants (that we know of.) That’s true, but Waco is also where the Branch Davidians had their shootout with the feds back in the 90s, so I no longer count Waco as a part of the natural world. I think they’re pumping crazy gas into the atmosphere down there.bz panel 07-18-15I recently got an Instagram account and this gag occurred to me. I’ve not had colon surgery, however, and hope to avoid that particular element of life’s more expensive pleasures. Look me up under Dan Piraro on Instagram if you want to follow what I post there. It’s mostly my sketchbook images, which are very different from my cartoon work. Hope to see you there!


39 thoughts on “Fleeing Fleas

  1. In the motorcycle cartoon, I like how you wrote Bird upside down on the kids shirt. But I think you should have claimed 4 in-jokes instead of 3 just because of that .

    • I’ve thought about that but I decided the icon itself is the “easter egg” worth searching for. The upside-down word is just a wink to Jazz Pickles in the know. :^}

  2. They not only pump in crazy gas in Texas, they drink the juice, take the pills, and snort the stuff. Waco should change their name to Wacko and become capital of that land mass.

  3. Bad news, Dan: Wikipedia says that porcupines can’t project their quills, but some have been known to send very insulting letters.

  4. Personal tanks, pumping out horrid amounts of CO2, while their drivers complain about someone else’s cigarette smoke… Whiskers, hahaha! I’d love to share that one!

    • Feel free to share my cartoons to FB or elsewhere. Go to Bizarro.com and fool with the “previous” or “calendar” buttons beneath the daily comic displayed there, make the comic you want to share appear, then hit the share buttons below. Thanks, Tony!

  5. The flea ‘toon reminded me, rather tangentially, of a classic old story written by either Isaac Asimov or Grendel Briarton. I managed to find the story online, but the accreditation is missing. Here is the entire story:

    In the days of yore, a knight on an important mission, rode his horse so hard that it became lame. Spying a village ahead, the knight headed straight for the stables there.

    “I must have a horse!” he cried, “The life of the King depends upon it!”

    The stable keeper shook his head. “I have no horses,” he said. “They have all been taken in the service of the King.”

    “You must have something–a pony, a donkey, a mule, anything at all?” the knight asked.

    “Nothing. . . unless. . . no, I couldn’t…”

    The knight’s eyes lit up. “Tell me!”

    The stable keeper led the knight into the stable where they saw an enormous dog! It was almost as large as the knight’s horse. But it was also the filthiest, shaggiest, smelliest, dog the knight had ever seen.

    Swallowing, the knight said “I’ll take it. Where is the saddle?”

    The stable keeper was adamant. “I can’t do it.” he told the knight.

    “Why won’t you give me the dog?” cried the desperate knight.

    The stable keeper replied, “I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this.”

  6. Love all of these, but the biker one really hits home. The 60+ husband of a relative bought himself a completely tricked-out Harley a few years ago, becoming insufferable in the process. The bike cost more than my nice new car that year.

  7. I don’t care which side of the bike the kickstands are on. As a member of a chapter of the Harley Owners Group that has an attorney, an insurance salesman, consultants and other such professions, this hits home. I would love to get a copy of the biker cartoon for the motorcycle wall in my mancave. Any chance?

  8. I thought I was being clever by thinking the kid in the motorcycle to on was wearing Larry Bird’s basketball jersey–Bird is spelled backward and upside down. But his pro number was 33, not 42. Any other guesses?

    • I regularly put a drawing of an upside-down bird in the backgrounds of my cartoons. The word “Bird” upside-down is a wink to regular readers who are in the know. Which now includes you! :^}

  9. another great week. If you read the articles about the Waco biker shootout, you may find there was a lawyer or dentist in there, there seemed to be people from all different occupations in that fight.

  10. You probably don’t care about the kids that were killed in Waco back in the 90’s, do you you fucking sociopath?

  11. Dan…these were great! As an old guy, Vietnam veteran, AND a biker I can relate to all of them; I think I once had fleas as well :)

  12. I thought the colon joke was a reference to the UK doctor who took a selfie of himself with a woman giving birth and then posted it on some public site.

  13. Hi, Dan! Long-time listener, first-time caller. A while back, you were posting wide-format versions along with the boxes. Any particular reason for the change?

    • I provide two versions of my cartoons to client newspapers and for a while I was posting both formats on my blog. I’ve since stopped doing that to save the extra time it takes in posting. My schedule is wicked lately so I’m looking for ways to save time. :^}

  14. I’ve seen that curly haired redhead with the white doughy face! Really appreciate that the people you draw are so very individual and recognizable.

  15. “…cats cannot be bought by corporations.”

    I bet if Fancy Feast made a campaign contribution, Mr. Whiskers would eat it up.

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