A Bird in the Hand



Bizarro is brought to you today by Lifestyle Choices.Bizarro 07-26-15 hdrWEBBizarro 07-26-15 WEBRegarding the above cartoon, one reader left the following comment: “The idea of advocating romantic relationships between species is disgusting and exactly what the Christian Right predicted would happen if we legalized gay marriage!” Okay, that reader was me, but I wish I’d gotten that complaint because it’s funny.bz panel 07-20-15I’ve long called martial arts “the pajama arts” but I mean no insult by it. I find it fascinating that a barefooted person wearing pajamas can beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, wearing protective gear and ass-kicking boots. Or at least, that’s how it happens in the movies.bz panel 07-21-15This coffee gag is one that has doubtless been thought of a million times and I did a version of it way back in the early 90s myself. But it’s fun, people like it, and my job is to amuse my readers not stroke my own ego with my clever originality, so here it is.

bz panel 07-22-15I’m simple minded so I like to think of karma as a literal leveling force that rewards good and bad people appropriately and immediately. If that were true, however, Donald Trump would’ve lost his fortune overnight and be the only white dude on an all-Latino landscaping crew.bz panel 07-23-15If you’re from somewhere in the world other than the Southern United States, this gag might elude you because you don’t know that waitresses in those areas often call everyone “Hon,” which is short for “Honey”. And the guy in the chair is Attila the Hun, of course. A super simple gag, but it makes me laugh.bz panel 07-24-15Here’s some fun with a street food vendor. Or maybe he isn’t a “food” vendor. Or maybe the umbrellas are made of lunchmeat. We may never know.bz panel 07-25-15Lastly this week, we have the palm reader who takes her job very literally. This is the only kind of palm reader I would trust, but that’s just me.


21 thoughts on “A Bird in the Hand

  1. What can I get you Hun , . . . killed me laughing. I often think of Attila when a person comments w/ the word “hun” , crack’in myself up

    Thanks for your brilliant take on it !

  2. My goodness, the Attila the Hun gag certainly wasn’t very PC. What would she say if Tony the Greek stopped by for lunch?

    • Not meant to be and doesn’t look like them, but that would have been a good idea! I’ll use it another time, thanks!

    • Wow! Eric! You have got GREAT eyesight. I had to enlarge the cartoon & then squint to spot this (and that’s even with bifocals! Geesh!). I’ll be looking for your further “tips”. Seriously. Thanks!

      • Pat, If you click on the cartoon, it will magically appear in a larger size. Plus, I tend to have my browser set to 150% magnification.

  3. I hope that the fellow at that nearest table will be okay.
    This kind of attention to detail is one of the things I love about your work. :-)

  4. Funny, but I think your Attila was modeled a little too much after a stereotype of Genghis Khan’s appearance.

  5. Bizarro is right. I love your simple minded, yet twisted, humor. Will karma ever catch up to Trump? We can only hope. Thanks, Dan.

  6. What can I get you, Hun? is brilliant, and one of my favourite ways you see the world and speech Dan! Reminds exactly of one of my all time faves of yours: ‘Dancing With The Tsars’ – with a (very Hun-like) ancient Russian character with his sword declaring “I win”, and dead bodies strewn about.
    Can’t. stop. laughing. !!

  7. I should probably hate myself for this, but in spite of the obvious King-Kong-arm and the look of Kong-era planes outside the window, I couldn’t help but briefly think “9/11 reference?”… probably because the skyscraper restaurant perfectly matched my image of what the pre-destruction “Windows of the World” looked like. So I wondered briefly if any doofus at the syndicate may have thought the same thing and objected, and if you were able to get a non-doofus there to give him a serious slapping down.

    And I hope you know there are other variations on the “Hun” gag you could do…
    The old classic domestic sitcom “Hi, Hun, I’m home!”
    Or a cross of two infamous fighters: “Attila the Hun-ey Badger”
    Or have the infamous Reality TV Child Star grow up to be “Hun Boo-Boo”
    Or a reference to the current Bee Crisis: “They’re no longer making honey, they’re just making Hun!!!”
    Yes, I should hate myself for that too.

  8. I was impressed that you actually got a picture of Horus at the table to the right of Olive, but my girlfriend insists it’s just Photoshopped.

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