Mother of All In Laws


Bizarro 09-13-15 hdrWEB

(To view an embiggenated version of the cartoon below, click the dog’s nose.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Clash of the Water Things.
Bizarro 09-13-15 WEBIt seems I’ve been doing a lot of cartoons related to the Wizard of Oz movie lately and the one above is no exception. No idea why, the mind has it’s own secret agenda sometimes. This one’s about how the Wicked Witch of the West melted when somebody or other (the Cowardly Lion?) accidentally threw water on her. I’ve had two mothers-in-law in my life and though one was infinitely more tolerable than the other, I had good and bad experiences with both. The mother-in-law relationship can be a bit tricky, for some reason, so if you’ve got a good one, thank whatever or whomever it is you thank for such things.

bz panel 09-07-15

Remember what I said in the previous paragraph about the Wizard of Oz? It’s still true. Hey, do you remember in the movie how the Wicked Witch made Dorothy and the dudes fall asleep in a poppy field? Has it ever occurred to you that poppies are used to make opium? Was that a drug reference? Does this cartoon include a drug reference?

bz panel 09-08-15

This cartoon is about how film directors typically behave as opposed to how funeral directors typically behave. But then, if you have a three-digit I.Q., you already knew that. Generally speaking, funerals are not funny and I apologize if you’ve been to one recently. Like many humans throughout history, I use this kind of humor to lighten my own emotional pain surrounding the tougher issues we all face.

bz panel 09-09-15

Lately I’ve been dabbling in more surreal ideas that don’t necessarily relate to people’s real life experiences. This one about the train car diner is kind of in that direction and the next one definitely is.

bz panel 09-10-15

I’ve always liked playing with word meanings. If you somehow had no idea what the chief purpose of a bike helmet was, you might wonder whether it was to protect you in case you fell off of a bike or in case a bike was thrown at your head. In such cases, crash helmet is a more descriptive term. (Here’s a life hack that I came up with years ago and has saved me untold misery: wear a bike helmet when you’re messing around in crawl spaces or attics; anywhere that you might bang your head on rafters.)

bz panel 09-11-15

I’ve always wondered how the hell people coordinate elaborate marching band sequences and convey the info to the players. One of these days I’ll have to google that.

bz panel 09-12-15

Not only is this last cartoon not funny, it depresses me. I can’t believe how exponentially fast time is passing and I’m only in my mid-fifties. At this rate, I’ll be 85 in what seems like a few hours from now. Geez.

Have a great week, Jazz Pickles. Two weeks from now I’ll be doing a talk at the public library in Eugene, Oregon, so come see me if you’re in the area. It’s free, I’m funny, all ages are welcome and if I don’t have a good-sized crowd, my sensitive, artsy feelings will be crushed like a rice cracker under the wheels of a Hummer.



19 thoughts on “Mother of All In Laws

  1. I was in the marching band in high school. Our director would “chart” shows on the computer, making a still picture of what the formation would look like every 15 seconds or so. Each band member had a letter+number ID and we all got copies of the chart. We’d find our spots in the first chart, put a poker chip down on the field, find our next one, put down a poker chip, then play the music while we all marched from spot 1 to spot 2. Repeat as necessary until we’ve all got it memorized for all the still frames.

  2. Re the marching band panel. The shows are designed to form figures or designs or geometrics or whatever, and each person is represented as a dot in the design. As the designs change, the dots (of course) move to a new spot. The marchers have a chart outlining the marching show, showing all the dots. They see where their dot ends up for the next design and know how many steps it takes them to get to that spot. If everyone hits their spot at the correct time, the design is drawn. Really quite simply complicated.

  3. Actually like to see the title joke as a cartoon. Field reporter “Actually, it’s worse than the mother of all disasters. It’s the mother-in-law of all disasters-” Maybe with a Godzilla size mother-in-law? (“I told you he was no good…”)

    Although I am one of the lucky ones you mentioned. I think.

  4. I just recently participated in a funeral (my mother’s, actually) and I found that cartoon hilarious. It was a huge affair (about 400 people, she was very involved in the community) and we could have used a director like you depict rather than the one we had, who tried to run it like there were only a dozen people involved.

    – Jack

  5. I also use humor when I have to see the Doctor. My “make people laugh” personality kicks in and I make people laugh.
    When my Doctor raises up the exam table while I’m sitting on the end I always say “Going up to the nosebleed section”
    Or when I had x-rays done of my knees and found out that I have severe osteoarthritis and the Doctor said that it was bone against bone and was shaped like teeth I asked her if I “should I go see a Dentist?” She laughed so hard at that. I apologized and told that’s how I deal with things that aren’t the greatest news.

  6. No wonder the bus broke down since they tried to fit 101 (or somewhere in the vincinity of 101, it’s hard to count exactly) persons into it.

  7. Loving and hating the last one….I (almost) expect to wake up tomorrow to see a pile of dust staring back at me from the bathroom mirror.
    The more I deliberately, consciously slow down, the faster time flies. I’m sure there’s a physics theory in there but, since I only ever took biology, I have NO idea what it is!

    • I’ve always been partial to the explanation that as we age our brains spend more and more time processing our experiences to somehow make them relate to our other experiences – cataloging, cross-referencing, indexing, etc., and less time on actually living the experience. For that reason, when we’re older, we only register smaller and smaller snippets of time as opposed to the steady stream we received as children. This would make relative time seem to pass more quickly. While time itself passes at the same rate; our minds perceive it less and less fluidly.

  8. I love the dog’s reaction to the mother in law.

    Re: time speeding up. I read an article about the down sides of being immortal. It said that time does seem to speed up as you get older because all life experiences are compared with past experiences. So as we age we have more to process subconsciously so the time slips by more quickly. If you lived forever you’d eventually not be able to process any stimuli and go catatonic trying.
    Also, the article said you’d get “stuck” somewhere eventually. Because our bodies have the escape of death but an immortal would be stuck forever.
    Heavy stuff

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *