Bark Bark

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Bizarro 11-15-15 HdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon, click it or something.)Bizarro 11-15-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Making the Best of a Plumbing Leak.

I watched a lot of episodes of “Lassie” when I was a kid and they were all pretty much like this: Lassie and the boy are wandering around killing time, the boy gets in trouble (trapped somewhere), Lassie runs back to the adults and barks at them, they follow him to the boy and save him. It was dull by modern TV standards and I can’t say that I watched it for entertainment as much as for the comfort that comes from predictability. Like the reason people used to be hooked on the comic strip “Nancy” when still drawn by Bushmiller. You knew it would be a shamelessly corny joke every day and you were never wrong. There’s something comforting about that.

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I’m glad I got this cartoon published before Donald Trump’s moment in the Presidential Campaign Sun is over, as I suspect it will be soon. I submit my cartoons around four weeks ahead of publication, so it’s always a crapshoot when doing something topical. If I thought Trump or Carson or Fiorina could win the White House I’d be terrified, but since that’s a longshot, I can sit back and enjoy the show. You have to admit that Trump and (especially) Carson are hilarious: Trump because he knows saying stupid things will get him press and Carson because he can’t help but say stupid things. I actually prefer Carson’s hapless idiocy much more amusing than Trump’s intentional version of it.

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There was a time when people thought that to fly, all we had to do was make ourselves look like birds. So they built giant, wooden and canvas wings and a tail, strapped them on and jumped off of cliffs. What they were missing, of course, was the beak.

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If you’ve got one or more bonsai trees, keep your doors and windows locked. And don’t forget to seal off your dryer vent when not in use. Tiny lumberjacks can easily fit right through those things.

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There were two notable bullies in my childhood. I lived in fear of them. As I got into middle school, I learned to fend them off with humor by making them seem foolish in front of other kids, thus robbing them of their power. This would not have worked had I not been a very fast runner, so I don’t recommend it to kids who are not.

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Cat people vs. dog people has been on my mind lately. Olive Oyl and I have one of each so the subject comes up a lot. Say what you will about dogs, at least you can put them to work if you don’t have a car and there is enough snow.

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Memphis was a city in ancient Egypt. It even had Carsonian grain storage buildings which we now call pyramids. Memphis is also a city in the United States that is not too far from Nashville, the capital of the country music industry. I am unaware of any unusually shaped grain storage units there.

That’s what my week was like, I hope yours was full of mirth and merchandise. Have a great week, Jazz Pickles! By the way, if you’re in Portland, Oregon, I’m performing at the Portland Veg Fest this afternoon at 5pm. (Sunday, November 15) Come see me!

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46 thoughts on “Bark Bark

  1. The bully cartoon is one of those somewhat rare instances where I don’t get it. What is on the kid’s head? Perhaps some or other uniquely American thing that foreigners like me don’t get.

    I’m surprised to see the teacher has the kid by the arm. Isn’t she at risk nowadays of being arrested for assault for this sort of thing?

    And yes, Trump and Carson are mightily entertaining, Especially to us foreigners who need not feel embarrassed by them. :-)

    • You are human I’m guessing. You should be just as embarrassed as those of us in the US. Let me know when your country does nothing to be ashamed of and we will hold a press conference.

    • Yes, it’s a pinata and it’s a popular children’s game from Mexico that most every kid in the U.S. has played at one birthday party or another.

  2. Re: Lassie Sunday 11/15.
    U r right about Nancy. Dad read it to me before I learned how. I read it beginning in the 1st grade (1949). I was in my 30’s before realizing that it was lame & I didn’t enjoy it. On the other hand I’d still like to find the classic episodes of Alley Oop, Dick Tracy, & Li’l Abner

  3. Memphis is “more-or-less the capital of the country music industry”? The Nashville Chamber of Commerce would be surprised to learn this. Even Muscle Shoals, AL, 100 miles east of Memphis would be surprised where an astounding number of classic country and rock hits were recorded.

    • Oops, sorry. I’m not a country music fan and I get Memphis and Nashville mixed up. In fact, I’ll edit my post now, thanks for the tip. :^}

      • The Memphis one i totally understood, and i am as thick as a brick!!! Not even an Americann nor Egyptian.. and Pinanta boy wuz an easy one to understand also…
        I am a Bizzarist!!!!
        Donald Trump i left alone simply cus he has nuthin to do with Australia, eccept some stupid so called REALITY(read here “sorta scripted”) show that i see on an occasional ad… YAY go Dan!!!

  4. Love the piñata gag. I overcame the school bullies first with speed, then with humor, and finally by growing to be 6’4″, 250 lbs. Ran into an old nemesis a few years back – he was still middle-school size. I think he shit his pants.

  5. Overall, you’re a better cartoonist when you don’t emit one of your long pentup political farts into the page. You’ve got a quirky sense and a middlin’ drawing talent, but a political brainiac you ain’t.

    “Man’s gotta know his limitations.”

      • I second that.
        Seems like Dan might have upset a repuglican.
        I did raise an eyebrow at the rare, obvious, political comment, but hey Trump’s pretty damn Bizarre and therefore fair game.

  6. Somebody is displeased with Piraro’s “political farts”. I suppose one man’s humor is another man’s potential crusade-as-reprisal, but I think Mr Piraro is merely re-stating the actual statements coming out of the mouths of our beloved presidential wanna-bes, and the humor flows naturally, as we stop to savor their collective ineptness.

  7. There’s no brought to you by… there are Bizarrarians who look forward to those a lot. I’m guessing. I can’t be the only one? And to think I felt so included here.

    The Lassie cartoon could use one more line: “and you’re not feeling so well?”

    My sophomore roomate and I loved Nancy. We posted it on our door everyday, vowing to do it until it was funny. We graduated first.

  8. I have been doing bonsai for 30 years and always hoped you could do a strip on bonsai. Want to order a signed print.

    David Ebinger
    Florida / Kandahar

  9. Dan- I’m all for political humor (anytime/anywhere) …
    …BUT- Be aware that making fun of an Emperor who has
    no clothes /integrity/whatever…You’ll always run t he
    risk of some inbred retard who’s all ape-shit about his
    fave “answer-to-all- our- problems of the month” Strong-man
    politician (like today’s Donald Trump ) or a brain-damaged
    Nerosurgen (like Ben C) , going to one of your public functions , you
    might someday enconter some crazy violent fool who. instead
    of mouthing a tame Eastwood-ism like “a man’;s gotta know his
    limitations” to something more threatrning like “Do you feel
    lucky today. Punk?- Well- DO YOU?”…
    ….I’m not saying yhou should cease with stating your views
    about anything (Like England or France or Italy), WE SUPPOSED to
    enjoy freedom of speech….However (it seems to me) there are
    many among us (Americans) who would like to deny that freedom
    to anyone not in agreement with their own (sick/twisted) version
    of “reality” as they see it (like all the neo-fasist True Believers we never
    seem to run out of)…
    ….I DO think people shou ld be able to call Bull-Shit on a-holes like
    The Donald whenever he opens his g -damned mouth…I a free
    and open society, you shoudn’t have a thing to worry about…But
    the America I see around me today convinces me otherwise;;;
    I hope this rather long rant didn’t pjut yhou to sleep..
    ..Thanks for all the great art and cheap funny laughs- Take care…
    Larry w. ….(and pleez ignor all miss-spellings (my brain doesn’t
    jive with my typing skills) (..actually- at my age- I’m not 2 sure
    I even HAVE a brain anymore- but I stiil don’t believe the pyramids
    were built to store grain in – that’s COMLETELY losing it..)

  10. I agree the political strip was kinda lame……we all now your not to drink south of the border water. :) Remember Montazuma. Remember back in the 70s they had the point-counterpoint law(?) Your welcome to draw up a Hillary with an aid holding a fire extinguisher.

  11. LOVE the bonsai lumberjack! I’ve been keeping the plugs in my drains to keep spiders out, now I’ll just have a look at that dryer outlet. And being a currently catless cat person, I really enjoyed the cat-sled. All of your cartoons have the quality of being comforting for the opposite reason Nancy and Lassie were. Thanks, I needed the comfort today!

    (I just finished watching “Stripped” — very much enjoyed hearing you talk about comics!)

  12. I “got” the Memphis reference (also being much more a “fan” of Egyptology than country music), however, the first thing that popped into my head reading it was that line “Long distance information, give me Memphis, Tennessee….”

    Hail, hail, rock ‘n’ roll!

  13. I’m going to spend the next week trying to visualise what a “tiny chopping sound” sounds like. Thank you for making me think, Dan. Was getting quite dusty up there. :)

  14. Not to cast aspersions on Bushmiller, but after he died, the Nancy comic strip was briefly funny, but it soon reverted back to the original corny humor. However I do remember one Bushmiller gag that was for me actually laugh-out-loud funny. The first panel is Sluggo, barefoot and leaning against a tree, arms behind his head, eyes half closed. He observes that on such a beautiful sunny day he has no desire to do anything other than just doze. Nancy comes along and asks him if he has seen Sally. With no other movement other than pointing with his big toe, Sluggo says “She went that way.” Nancy fumes “Show me a trick lazier than that, and I’ll give you a nickle!” “Just slip it into my pocket.” is Sloggo’s reply.

    • Jeff, You best check out Google or Wikipedia! It’s there and has been for 30 some years. Very visible from the Interstate.

      • Yes, Jack, The Pyramid is quite obvious…a huge, bizarro (!) mirrored fixture downtown overlooking the Mississippi River. It was used for concerts, sporting events–basketball, WWF, Tyson-Lewis–until they built The FedEx Forum for the NBA team. It is still there and now houses the Bass Pro destination mega-plex with retail, restaurants, hotel, bowling, shooting range, etc…yawn.

  15. Again, you’ll bash Carson, Trump and Fiorina, but do you have the spine to call out Clinton for her complicity in war crimes? Do you, you fucking coward?

  16. I heard you referenced in the movie “The Last Time You Had Fun”.
    The characters had just had dinner in a restaurant when one of them says, “It’s like we’re in a bizarro cartoon”!
    If you haven’t already checked it out…you should!
    :)

  17. He’s a coward for calling out hate? Really?! I am soooo glad I’m not a modern day right winger. My whole family were Ike Republicans, back when it meant something. He and Goldwater were right, the Grand Old Party has been taken over by the filthy rich and the religious zealot crowds. Note to Jim, stuff your illogical ire where the sun don’t shine, and to Mr. P., keep up the superb work!
    Your real fans know what cartoonists do for a living.

    • I’m a libertarian – I have issues with the GOP and the Democrats. And I am sick of seeing liberals like Dan show hypocrisy by giving liberal politicians a free pass when they prove themselves to be as bad as their republican counterparts.

      • Jim, this is a fun site for fans of Dan/Bizarro who appreciate his work and have the commonality of a twisty-bent sense of humor. It is not the place to come and spew your toxic waste and political hate. There are PLENTY of other sites where you can do that if that is how you choose to spend your time and energy. Go belch and fume on Facebook…or anywhere. Just go away.

  18. The water/Trump cartoon reminded me of a funny comment made by a tour guide we had on a bus in Mexico. He had traveled and toured in California and said he became ill with “Reagan’s revenge.”
    If Trump or Carson has 30% support in polls, it is calming to note that at best that’s less than 15% of the total out there, or so I tell myself.
    Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Clinton, then what? Jeb and then Chelsea? It could be fun having Bill wandering around but what a restricted potential list.

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