Cave Trees


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(If it is embiggenation that you seek, click any man-made object in any cartoon.)Bizarro 11-29-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by A Favorite Holiday Bizarro Cartoon.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not a person who enjoys what we Americans call “the holiday season”. I like Halloween but as soon as it is over the streets, shops, and homes of our communities are filled with songs and decorations that remind one at a glance of why suicide statistics shoot up at this time of year. I’ve known and lived with people who, like the woman in my cartoon above, cannot wait until the next opportunity to decorate their home like the set of an episode of Martha Stewart, and would likely have found a way to do so even tens of thousands of years before the holiday was even invented. I don’t mean to criticize those people; I don’t hate you, I just hate some of the things you love. There’s a big difference.

Still, where there’s pain there’s comedy so I’ve come up with lots of fun holiday cartoons over the years. I’ll be sharing them here on my blog under various blue links for the rest of the month. Regardless of which side of the fence you’re on, I hope you get a chuckle or two. Here’s one that can apply to Thanksgiving as well as Xmas.

(On a side note, this cartoon also brings to mind the classic cartoon strip, “B.C.” by Johnny Hart. Hart was one of the best gag writers of all time IMHO, but late in his life he became a “born again Christian”, as I understand it, and he began introducing blatantly Christian-themed jokes into his work. This made the strip doubly funny because of what “B.C.” stands for. I’m sure Sarah Palin and her ilk see no problem with Christian cavemen, but some of us couldn’t help but notice. I’m guessing Ben Carson’s version of history probably accommodates the concept, too.)

And now for the rundown of last week’s cartoons:

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Have you ever asked yourself why you accept food from a complete stranger at the market when you would never consider doing so anywhere else on the planet? I have.
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Have you ever asked yourself how you can be sure that the voices you’re hearing that appear to be coming from the people around you aren’t actually originating from inside your head? Perhaps everything you experience is only taking place in your head and everything you consider “reality” is only an illusion. Many people have questioned this concept––two of the most famous examples would be Plato and The Matrix.

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What’s the deal with how slow sloths are? I’ve seen these guys in person and no matter how frightened or threatened they are, they have absolutely no second gear to use in their escape.  The only reason I can imagine that they have survived to the modern day is that they must taste terrible.

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This is as close to a Thanksgiving Day gag as I could come this year. I’ve done a lot of turkey-related cartoons in the past but I was not inspired to go there again this year. Here’s one you may find amusing.

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We’ve all lost (or will lose) loved ones and virtually nothing sucks as much as that, but a tried and true way humans have dealt with the misery of this kind of grief is through dark humor. In that spirit, I love this cartoon. It was sort of inspired by a joke I heard back in Oklahoma, where I grew up: What were the last words of the redneck? “Watch this!”


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And we finish the cavalcade of laughs with a cop/donut gag. Not my best cartoon ever, but whatever. Hope you Jazz Pickles have a dandy week. Come back and have a peek next Sunday when I’ll be posting the weekly roundup again and adding some of my favorite holiday cartoons from the past.


27 thoughts on “Cave Trees

  1. I am glad I wasn’t drinking something when I saw the caveman one in the paper yesterday, or it would have come shooting out of my nose due to the explosive laughter that ensued. Funniest comic du jour, bien sur!

  2. The psychiatrist is great, and reminded me of a bumper sticker my son once had on his car:

    “I can’t go to work today… the voices in my head told me to stay home and clean the guns.”

    • Friend of mine had that sticker on his truck. He wouldn’t put ‘I brake for hallucinations’ on it, though…
      Priorities, ya know.

  3. What’s the deal with how slow sloths are?
    Sloths are like some of us doomed by poor choices in our youth. Coming from a line with poorly developed teeth they chose the trees and a diet of leaves (low in energy and hard to digest even with good teeth to start the process) over nutrient-rich insects favored by surviving relatives. Slow because they can’t fuel fast, they even risk coming down to earth to bury their poop. (The smell of any fresh waste dropped from on high would tell jaguars and other predators that sloth could be had nearby.) Would they rather live fast, love hard, die young and leave a beautiful corpse like some rock stars? It’s hard to know how to ask them.

  4. Having grown up in East Texas I especially liked your joke about the redneck’s last words. My only concern is that some of my former childhood friends will not understand it. 😎

  5. I hope you feature last year’s Christmas cartoon – it was so gorgeous and very funny too. I will buy a print one day when I have saved up enough to ship it. It will become my only decoration for the holidays, for which I share your disdain.

    You are a brilliant artist, cartoonist, comic, and creative mind. I have such fun looking for the “secret symbols” every day, as well as all the side-gags in your more ambitious pieces. Thanks very much for all your hard work – please know that you are loved and appreciated.

  6. Great week of cartoons, Dan. Looking forward to your holiday review. As to Ben Carson’s version of history, this week while the rest of us were eating turkey he went with a team over to Syrian refugee camps trying to see what can be done about other peoples’ problems in their own country. You know, sorta like Joseph did in Egypt under less than voluntary and favorable circumstances where Dr. Carson may actually have some stronger influence in a quicker amount of time. Good God. What must he be thinking? Does he actually think he can solve other peoples’ problems in their own land? Surely we are much better off thinking we are the center of the earth and should welcome them into our country making their problems ours, weakening our own economy, strengthening bullies, and filling up the data that already shows these tired old policies make barely even a nick improving the third world’s economic problems. How dare a nonpolitical politician, a wealthy and successful doctor believe in doing something effective by helping them sustain themselves and believing we should put a stop to terrorist thugs abusing them. I can’t wait to see your satire on this.

    • I sense your intention is sincere and civil and I appreciate that, but if the problems of the Middle East were that simple, they’d have been solved ages ago. In my lifetime I’ve seen dozens of politicians do this exact thing and it is always proven to be nothing more than a predictable political stunt. I can think of few things scarier than trusting the fate of the United States to someone as profoundly unqualified as Donald Trump or Ben Carson. Just my two cents, since you asked.

      • I love your two cents and your sense of humor. I only offered my three cents (or is it sense?) in response. I’m an Independent, libertarian leaning proud American. We likely share some views and disagree on others, some liberal some not so. As we’re going to elect a president from any number of candidates, the nature of the beast, I guess, is “political stunts.” But consider the alternatives from the Democratic ticket: A socialist who is for expanding and increasing the cost of government taking away more individual liberties. Or wait, wait! Maybe we’d prefer the bomb trigger in the hands of a former first lady whose husband wants to be first lady who didn’t know the proper use of a cigar.

  7. “B.C.” use to be one of my favorite strips and I purchased most of Hart’s early collections. It was too bad that he seemed to have lost his comedic edge, for whatever reason.

    • I agree. Some of Johnny Hart’s later cartoons involving religious themes were less witty. Religionists take themselves far too seriously. With an early degree in biblical studies and many years’ experience in religious circles, it is the most distasteful part of my faith experience: true believers. This has gotten more difficult for me to get along with people of my own faith tradition since I’ve suffered PTSD and other associated symptoms such as ADHD and even dyslexia. The more people I meet the more I love my goD.

  8. “Perhaps everything you experience is only taking place in your head and everything you consider “reality” is only an illusion.”

    Everything is real and is exactly as it appears, except for the word ‘solipsism’, which your mind has tricked you into believing represents a genuine concept.

  9. Your ability to recognize potential cartoon material is amazing, you never fail to ” tickle my somewhat bizarre sense of humor.”

  10. Uh oh. Thanks for the heads up, but if you post that one with the red-nosed cheetah again, I’m gonna pee. I just know it.

    You are one silly son of a gun, Dan.

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