Mucous Defense System


Bizarro 12-27-15 HdrWEB

(If you wish to embiggenate any of these images, use your clicky device.)Bizarro 12-27-15 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Parking Lots Have No Lines Painted On Them.

Today’s cartoon is about a world in which the natives cover their nudity with boxes. You and I may think that naked tissue is not worth covering, but they consider it vulgar and who are we to judge? We consider the sight of human nipples to be a crime, but only if they are attached to a female. Doesn’t matter if they are attached to large breasts or ones as flat as sheetrock, if they’re attached to a female: illegal to expose in public. The Tissue People find this concept utterly ridiculous but then they’ve always tended to be a bit “judgy”.

bz panel 12-21-15I am a lifelong student of religion, as it is differentiated from spirituality. “Religion” is the construct of rules, myths, and methods handed down through history, as opposed to the mystical experiences a person may have in their own mind or heart, so a person can be religious (the rules part) without being particularly spiritual (the mystical mind/heart part). Wars (and terrorism) are always about religion and never about spiritualism. This cartoon is about the creation myth in the Christian Bible’s Old Testament, the Torah, and the Koran or Quran, if you prefer.  (Yes, they are pretty much the same collection of writings with some minor differences here and there. The word “minor” in that last sentence refers to things that people have a long tradition of killing each other over.) Anyway, the particular bit of logic contained in the cartoon above occurred to me and I think it might well hold up in a court of law. If you don’t yet understand the difference between good and evil, how can you know it is “wrong” to do something? (I know this makes a few of you readers want to explain the theology behind this in the comments section. Go ahead if you must, but don’t expect me to be swayed.) Whatever your beliefs, I hope you got a smile out of this concept.

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Here’s a cartoon that is a thinly veiled metaphor for life. When we are children we tend to think our problems will be solved simply by being an adult. Once we are adults, we find out over and over again how foolish that supposition was.

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I know I have many readers in other countries and it occurs to me that some of you may not have what we in the US call “ball pits”. That does not refer to the rare medical condition of having your scrotum growing from your armpit (scrotusaxillariaus) but rather a small enclosure filled with plastic balls that small children play in. One almost always finds these at indoor play areas because an outdoor one would be impossible to keep clean and dry and it would be only a short time before badgers learned to hide at the bottom and rip into unsuspecting children.

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Department store Santas have always creeped me out. The first time my parents attempted to push me toward one, I screamed in terror and went home crying. Yes, I was one of those children.

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I got a few messages and emails about this cartoon. Two were from women who were offended by it because they believed I was siding with parents who pressure their children to give them grandkids. I appreciated their comments (both were polite about it) and I told them that I was actually lampooning overbearing parents. I have two adult daughters and neither thinks they want to reproduce, believing that the last thing this planet needs is more humans. I agree with that, though I will also support them if either decides to have a kid.

The other messages and emails I got about this cartoon were folks asking what the license plate means. K2 is for my two daughters, whose names both begin with K (Krapuzar and Krelspeth) and OLOYL stands for Olive Oyl, which is my nickname for my special ladywomanpartner. (We’re too old to feel comfortable with “girlfriend” and we’re not yet married.)  As for the state name, I was raised in Oklahoma but now live in California. Just having a little fun with insider “shoutouts”.

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The abundance of end-of-year roundups and lists––as well as fabulous places to be on New Year’s Eve–– made me think of this cartoon. I asked myself what could be the most trivial end of year commemoration or place to spend NYE, and this came to mind. As for me, the best soup I had all year was an Italian wedding soup at Crossroads Kitchen in LA. It isn’t on their regular menu so don’t go storming in there today demanding a big to-go container of it and telling them I sent you. That would be embarrassing.

That’s the weekly round-up. I hope all of you Jazz Pickles had a low-impact holiday season with minimal casualties and don’t have to return to work until January. My boss is such an ass that I don’t even get New Year’s Day off. :^{


23 thoughts on “Mucous Defense System

  1. We had someone complain, “Soup du jour again! Can’t we have something else for a change?” That, of course, is now the joke du jour… :)

  2. Hope you had great holidays Dan. Ours unfortunately ended up with a visit to the ER for my hubby, who is experiencing the agony of a bulging disk in his lower back. He’s now sleeping away in a morphine dream, so maybe it won’t be so bad after all!

    Happy New Year to you, Olive Oyl, and K2 and their respective partners if applicable. Hope 2016 brings you much happiness and success!

    • So sorry to hear of your husband’s woes. I’ve had trouble with my back, too, so I sympathize. All the best for the new year!

  3. The logic of religion is different from regular logic. It is ‘mysterious’.

    I call my ladywomanpartner my ‘love’. People seem to like that.

  4. — Humans evolved to be tribal, and religion (rules) was one way to help the tribe survive. After that it’s still “us versus them,” another tribal characteristic.
    — And our species has been so good at survival that there are too many people.
    — And, if the Tissue People wear boxes, they probably evolved from cats.

  5. Jibjab quit doing Year in Review this year…. we really need a comedic look back each & every year. Maybe you can collaborate with Fiore & make it happen. It had always been a crude animation format. If you are not familiar with it- google jib jab year in review & you can see the last 10 they did.

  6. Regarding the First Lawyer, Gen 2:16 says God told Adam not to eat from that tree. So, as a legal matter, Adam could not claim innocence by absence of mens rea. It would be like reading the warning that says “don’t use the electric hairdryer in the bathtub,” doing it anyway, and suing the manufacturer for being electrocuted.

  7. …a very strong (funny) week for you in many ways..I liked Adam’s argument
    to God about not knowing about “:Not having knowledge of good and evil .How could we have sinned? ( I tried that line once with a traffic Judge in Reno once.
    but found that “Ignorance is no excuse for breaking a law” …And so i was
    with God’s comandments ( let’s hope a “real” has a sense of humor (YOU
    drew the cartoon- I laughed at it)
    ….But the biggest laugh for me was the arm chair talking to his son//foot stool…(“Son- It only gets worse”)…Now. if you could only have come up with a Trump toilet joke this week….

  8. I ate at a restaurant today, a new one in town (Santa Rosa, CA) called Belly Left Coast Kitchen, that featured “soup of yesterday” on its menu.

  9. Two things:
    — Anywhere there is an IKEA, there is a ball pit (there are at least FIVE IKEAS in tiny Belgium, who would’ve thought?!?)

    — Creation myths always make me think of that Elvis Costello line: “There’s no such thing as original sin…”


  10. ……someday I’ll learn to really edit my comments before pushing the send button…..look how I screwed up my llast one (hoping that there was a joke-loving Deity who would 4give me 4 laughing at the Adam/ ;lawyer joke abd U also 4 drawing it (and I didn’t call out ?His/Her/It”s ? name when I typed that
    over-long e-mail ( Unlike Trump. who ALWAYS calls out his own name
    every time he climaxes , according to Dave Letterman….
    ….but enough of that….Look Dan- it looks like you completely destroyed Dr. Ben’s political about a week ago with that funny Dying Egyptian
    Pharaoh joke (Please don’t go to any trouble on my account- just bury
    me in one of those pyramid-shaped thingies”….
    ….surely you can come up with something as destructive to the Donald…
    ….maybe a bird’s eye drawing of a billion-dollar wall on our Southern
    border so high it dwarfs the Great Wall of China , can be seen from outer space and that also shows the broken twisted infrastructure of a once
    great and powerful nation threw all it’s wreath away on useless walls, wars
    and political whores….
    …but wait …that’s not funny…YOU make something light of this mess
    That’s what you’re here for…and after you destroy Trump, there’sa always that sleazy Ted Cruz to crucify (then Crist Christy and so on) – what a great
    time to be a political cartoonist… if only we can manage to make it thru the
    next election without becoming a Fascist Amerika..that wii make it a happy
    new year- Here’s hoping you keep hitting them out’a the ball park…

    • Hmmm. Not sure where you saw it misspelled, but on my version and the one that appears on today, it is spelled correctly. I don’t doubt that it slipped through the cracks somewhere and was perhaps spelled incorrectly on the newspaper version, but I’ve not see it. If it was, it was unintentional. Thanks for checking in and for your sympathy, though. :^}

  11. As I do not read the papers anymore, I haven’t seen any of your cartoons in years; so it was refreshing to read this week’s… My father (a retired navigator with the Air Force) loves meteorology & astronomy. He has had one of your cartoons attached to the refrigerator for decades. Would you mind posting it again? It is God laughing with the Angels over the weather forecast referring to it as His favorite comedy… \II/_

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