Basket Drivers


bizarro 01-17-16 hdrWEB

(To instigate the embiggification process, click a limb of any mammal in any image.)Bizarro 01-17-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fortune Telling Cartoons.

Today’s double-wide Sunday cartoon is simple but I like it. You may need to click the cartoon to instigate the embiggification process in order to fully get the gag.

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I don’t fish anymore and have no interest in it but I used to as a kid so I know of what I speak. I suspect the lack of activity is exactly what many avid fishermen like. I don’t eat fish, either, and never have in any large quantities because I can’t stand the way anything that lives in water tastes. That includes all species of fish (saltwater or freshwater) shellfish, squid, octopus, and seaweed. It all has the same horrendous, foul, rotted-flesh taste to me. I’ve tried many times over the course of my life to learn to like it but have come to the conclusion that my revulsion toward it is genetically programmed. I also firmly believe that the oceans are being systematically destroyed by commercial fishing and since the oceans are the engine of weather on our planet, the prognosis isn’t good. I also dislike the fact that fish are left to suffocate when we catch them. It has always bothered me that there is no way to put a fish out of its misery quickly and humanely. Oops. I just took all the fun out of this cartoon, didn’t I? Sorry.

bz panel 01-12-16

I don’t know if I would be able to believe it is not blubber because I’ve never eaten blubber. But it is my understanding that the people who settled in the far northern areas of North America and are now politically-correctly called “Inuits” have traditionally eaten a lot of blubber. I’m sure I would find it disgusting because the kind of blubber they eat comes from animals that live in water.

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I wrote this cartoon because I can’t stand being able to smell someone else’s cologne or perfume unless I’m actually making out with them. Any more than that is too much, in my opinion.

I also really enjoy cartoons with punchlines that are exclusively graphic. This cartoon, for instance, only works in a drawing and could not be dramatized on video or film because the joke is about the way something that gives off a strong odor is commonly drawn. I wish I could give you another example of this kind of cartoon from the Bizarro archival dungeon but I can’t think of one right now. Damn.

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A little punny, this one, but I like the occasional pun. Nothing more to say about it.

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I got one piece of hate mail from this cartoon from a guy telling me to keep my liberal BS to myself. I think it’s a little funny that he assumed I was talking about the Republican debates since the cartoon doesn’t specify. I’m guessing he has noticed what I have, that  the Democratic debates have been mostly about income disparity, health care, the cost of college, and other social issues for grown-ups, while the Republican debates have been mostly about fear: ISIS, terrorists, immigrants stealing your jobs, Islamic extremists disguised as refugees, America losing its “greatness”, etc. Any psychologist will tell you that nothing motivates people more than fear and politicians have been using this tactic since the beginning of civilization. Those people are the problem and I will get rid of them!” (Incidentally, none of the things on the GOP fear list are statistically likely to touch your life in any significant way.)

bz panel 01-16-16

I don’t know if there are public sandboxes anymore but there used to be when I was a kid. And they always had cat turds in them. No surprise there. If your kids want to play in sand, it’s safer to bring them to the beach because cats don’t like water. They may come across discarded syringes, chemicals, and other forms of human pollution but that’s nothing a good hazmat suit won’t protect against.

That’s all for this week’s roundup, Jazz Pickles. Hope you have a dandy week and do not eat anything that tastes as bad to you as fish does to me.


42 thoughts on “Basket Drivers

  1. Hi Dan! I thoroughly enjoy your cartoons and your comments on them. It’s good to hear an artist’s inspiration that propelled their art. Anyhoo.. I didn’t understand the pun in the 5th cartoon. Care to explain? Also, I like fish. ;)

    • I’m not sure which you’re calling “the 5th cartoon.” If it is the smoke signal cartoon, it’s about smoke signal vs. internet signal (hence “wifi”).

      • Oh then I understood it just right. Was just checking. Btw, you replied to my comment! This is the closest I’d ever be to you (in a non-creepy way).

        Cheers from India!

  2. Aha, I finally got today’s cartoon about “weaving in traffic”.

    When I saw the caption, I was expecting a weaver’s loom in the car but instead saw a basket. My half-awake brain thought, hmmm, that looks like one of those basket-type fish traps that Native Americans use to catch fish in rivers and streams. Okay, it’s woven, but I don’t get it, uh…

    Now, a cup of coffee and a few hours later, I get it! The guy was weaving a basket while in traffic, duh!

  3. Previous gags dependent on cartoon conventions include the goldfish whose bubbles ask “Am I thinking/speaking or breathing?” And the guy who got poked with the quills radiating from a floor lamp. And possibly Tonto throwing out cauliflower confused with smoke signals.

  4. I’ve noticed some interesting little quirks that I would love to hear explained. Some of your comics have a slice of pie in an unexpected place. Some have a stick of dynamite. Others have a staring eye… anything you can share with us about this?

  5. I agree about fish suffocating. That’s also why fish doesn’t taste good, because during the suffocation, they produce lactic acid which effects the taste. Not only is quick killing more humane, it makes the fish tadte much better too.

  6. Dan, the GOP candidates suck, but there isn’t much hope from the Democrat candidates either. Make the smart choice and vote libertarian.

  7. Dan, I knew something fishy was afoot (or a fin) when I saw the title graphic, but you’re on a roll. Certainly not a sushi roll. California roll OK?

    Because I had just finished my fish lunch and had to double cook it because it is leftover from yesterday and smells funny. I have an iron stomach. Oops. Apparently you don’t. Sorry about that! (TMI.)

    Your Native American cartoon (not the Inuit one) is a lot like today’s Mother Goose and Grimm in the Paper. Great minds think alike. Keep up the good work as usual, My Friend. I always look forward to your summary every Sunday… Even if I don’t get to tell you I like ’em each week. (That would really be TMI.)

  8. The debate cartoon was so deliciously timed, at least in the L. A. Times, because it appeared the morning after the Republican debate. Perhaps that is where the hate mailer got that idea? Anyway,he does seem a little bit touchy about it, lol

  9. I loved every single one in today’s collection, Dan. I can’t imagine how you continue to come up with these gems. The fishing channel is stellar, particulary to someone like me who thinks competitive sports are not as interesting as watching paint dry, or watching the fishing channel. Thanks for sharing your warped genius with the world.

  10. When I was younger and still brainwashed I wrote a letter to the editor of the Columbus Dispatch (Disgrace) complaining that Doonesbury was too political to be in the comics section. I now realize that I wrote that only because he was poking fun at the right wing at the time. Now that I’m more enlightened I agree that the right wing desperately needs to be made fun of. Mockery is the only appropriate weapon against these fear mongering idiots! Keep up the good work, Dan!

    • The right wing and the left wing need to be made fun of. Both parties are screwing over the people. Make a change – vote libertarian.

      • There’s a huge difference between libertarians and Libertarians. The Large-Ls are basically just a branch of the far right. The small-ls believe in the least interference in personal lives, be it from government, corporations, or anywhere else.

  11. I can swear you have had another cartoon here with an exclusively graphic punchline, fairly recently. But now I can’t for the life of me remember what it was about.

    As for the current political debates, I am not an American, so perhaps I need not worry too much, but I observe the farce with a mixture of amusement and dismay. The likes of Cruz and Trump are going “make America great” again? Yeah, right…

    In fact, I cannot recall a single presidential election where there was so little to choose among the candidates. Whoever you vote for, you’re going to get the same thing. With the possible exception of Sanders, but he’s getting on in years now so you may end up getting little more than a presidential funeral…

  12. “I also firmly believe that the oceans are being systematically destroyed by commercial fishing and since the oceans are the engine of weather on our planet, the prognosis isn’t good.” this seems to me to be a profound misunderstanding of the situation at hand. It is true that ecosystems are being disrupted by over-fishing. It is also true that the oceans are an engine of weather on our planet. But it is not at all true, as I understand it, that over-fishing is a measurable influence on AGW. If we stopped fishing tomorrow, it would have no measurable impact on AGW. If we stopped all CO2 emissions tomorrow, it would have practically no impact on the ecosystem destabilization caused by overfishing.

    • Racking my brain but I assume that ‘AGW’ stands for “Antarctic Great Whales’ or ‘Anti-progress Group Worriers’ or ‘Alfalfa Growth Winds’ ???? I don’t believe this is a well-known term !!!

      • AGW – Anthropogenic Global Warming

        transcendentape is right to point out that the ocean may drive weather, but whether or not there are fish in them makes little difference in that respect!

        However, changing climate will alter ocean currents, which will then change the climate! We’re in for some uncertain times ahead.

  13. “I also firmly believe that the oceans are being systematically destroyed by commercial fishing…”

    How about the pollution? They are poisoning the unseen, therefore easier to ignore, environments and, thus, their own food!

    I don’t eat seafood either…

    • Yes, that’s a big issue for the oceans, as well. SO much worse than we realize because, as you mentioned, it is hidden. Many experts estimate that as many as 90% of all large fish are gone.

  14. One of my favorites is your we have a new piece of technology but we are too stupid to use it” any chance you can repost it?

    I work at a place with research scientists and want to make a subtle point..

    • I only vaguely remember that gag so it must have been years ago. I’d be happy to post it but my filing system isn’t very sophisticated and I can’t find it. Sorry. :^{

  15. Oh please, keep going with the pre-historic Donald.
    “The leaders in charge of our evolution are really stupid people. I’ll replace them with really really smart people.”
    “I have a great relationship with the ax.”
    “Seen all those evolution pictures where we get more erect and bald? I won’t let that happen. Never gonna happen. I’m telling ya. It’s not gonna happen. And speaking of erect. Have you seen my daughter? Inbreeding is a lefty lie.”
    “You think the days are longer now? You won’t believe how long they get with me in charge. No more short days, ever.”

  16. The hate mail about the debate reminded me of an incident years ago when some yahoo complained that we named a computer server after a porn star. The server’s name was “Hypatia”. Up to that point I had been unaware that there was a porn star using that name. How did this indignant idiot know about her?

  17. sort of got distracted for a while by the Inuit cartoon, I am Dutch and “blubber” in dutch is also mud or gunk (I just learned it also means the fat from wales… just like in English) . I thought it was funny, people eating mud. I am glad you give these explanations with a lot of the cartoons, otherwise I would miss quite a few jokes and I do enjoy your cartoons very much. Thank you for brightening my day every once in while!

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