Stone Cat Guy


Bizarro 04-17-16 hdrWEB

(In the mood for embiggenation? Click any cartoon to begin.)

Bizarro 04-17-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Trombone Secrets.

The mystery of The Great Sphinx is a great mystery. Nobody knows how that giant stone cat with a man’s head got onto that tiny island in the Pacific, or what happened to the people who built it. Were they decimated by disease or famine? Did a rival tribe from another island kill them off? Did they kill each other off in a civil war? And why do they call wars like that “civil”? I don’t think there’s anything civil about killing people. And lastly on the list of mysteries surrounding this big statue is that the kind of stone that The Great Sphinx is carved out of doesn’t even exist on that island! How did it get there?!

Actually, I may be thinking of the heads on Easter Island. The Great Sphinx is in Egypt, which is not an island unless you consider the continent of Africa to be an island. Which many American highschool students do, if the results of standardized testing are to be believed. But there are probably mysteries surrounding The Great Sphinx in Egypt, too. I hope that at least one of those mysteries can be solved by my suggestion in this cartoon.

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If binge-watching is viewing many episodes of a beloved series in a row, like Breaking Bad, then what is purge-watching? I suspect it is somehow getting rid of a terrible series that you’ve watched, perhaps accidentally while at someone else’s house, or perhaps unable to look away, like a collision involving a train full of ketchup and a truck full of mannequins. I once watched around four minutes of an episode of Jersey Shore just to see what the fuss was all about, and I’ve been wanting to purge the memory ever since. If any of you Jazz Pickles know how I might be able to achieve that, please give forth.

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I enjoy the occasional centaur gag. Here’s one I did a few years back. And here’s maybe my favorite gag about mythological animals. For me, that last one is still laughoutloud funny.

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The thing I want to say about the above cartoon is not about the joke but about the character at the far left. Is it a chick or a dude? Young or middle aged? I don’t really know. It is an odd, ageless, androgynous character that just came out of my pen and I liked it so I kept it.
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A couple of readers asked me what this mylar balloon cartoon means. Perhaps they were from outside the U.S. and perhaps in their country people don’t give mylar balloons to people in the hospital, but here in America, it’s pretty common. So that’s what this joke is about. (Note: If you visit me in the hospital, please do not bring me mylar balloons. They depress me for reasons as mysterious as how that gift shop near The Great Sphinx got there.)

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Here’s a fun bit of wordplay that comments on the pretentiousness of some restaurants. “Pulverized grain” is flour, “fermentation fungus” is yeast, to “calorify” is to heat, and a “charged-particle heat source” is an electric toaster.


bz panel 04-16-16

Unlike most artsy types, I’m also a sports fan. I never watch or read sports interviews because they are all the same and no one ever says anything interesting or surprising. I mean ever. But ignoring that field of journalism also helps me to ignore the fact that a disproportionate amount of pro athletes are immature idiots. Not all of them, just more than you might find in another profession, like, say, journalism, which is a field charged with reporting the immature, idiotic things pro athletes say on Twitter. I can’t imagine having to cover that kind of news. It would make my head explode. To me, sports is a form of mindless entertainment and I don’t care any more about what athletes have to say in their free time than I do what my favorite actors have to say about their grocery shopping experience. Yes, I realize I am in the minority. If most people didn’t care about the random, mundane thoughts of “celebrities,” things like Twitter would not exist. I come by this genetically, perhaps. As I’m writing this I suddenly remember that when I was a small child my grandfather used to complain that he could not understand how anyone could be interested in the stupid things celebrities said on The Tonight Show.

Hey, Jazz Pickles! Making a living as an artist in the 21st century isn’t as easy as I make it look. If you read my cartoons online, you’re enjoying my entire career for free, for instance. One way I continue my habit of eating daily and living indoors is side projects like this one: An LA art gallery is offering limited-edition, super-high-quality prints of a small list of my favorite Bizarro cartoons. What a cool, unique gift for that special someone you’re trying to impress for sexual, commercial, or mystical reasons. Get your smelly hands on them here!


48 thoughts on “Stone Cat Guy

  1. Regarding “purge watching”, I watched a few minutes of “The Kardashians” and I would like to know how to purge those from my brain.

    And I know about “accidentally” watching something when you are at someone’s house. When my husband and I were first dating, we went to visit a friend of his. This friend was not a “people person”, so only my husband actually visited with him. I ended up being with his parents, who were nice people, though they wanted to watch a movie. As I was their unexpected guest, I didn’t complain. However, the movie they watched was “Angel”, which came out in 1984, about a teenage girl who is a great student but whose mom has died after many years of being ill. She hides the fact her mom died from everyone. To support herself, she turns to prostitution on the streets of Los Angeles. At this time, of course, a man is killing prostitutes, which is shown in all its gory details, and also, of course, she is also in danger of being killed by this guy. I don’t like scary, violent movies. I sure would like to purge this movie from my brain, too, after 30 years.

    • If you can start purging within 1 minute of exposure, try focusing on counting powers of two (1, 2, 4, 8) or three (1, 3, 9, 27), preferably in a language other than your first. This should force your working memory into a buffer overflow so that you can’t form a long-term memory of what you just saw.

      For longer-term memories, I don’t have anything. Identifying the memory triggers and finding something else you can associate them with might work.

      (Note: I am neither a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a therapist, a social worker, nor any other form of mental professional.)

  2. Thank you for explaining the mylar balloon joke. I obviously do not know enough people who have been hospitalized.

  3. The person on the left in Wednesday’s cartoon appears to be Emo Philips, a very funny comedian. (See for the similarities.)

    As for the Sphinx, I think that was the original Cat in the Hat.

    And, I guess, this year journalists covering sports is about the same as journalists covering presidential race. The language is about the same, too.

  4. Thanks again Dan for tickling my funny bone. On the height/width cartoon ,upon first glance, the guy on the left reminded me of Sonny Bono(in his early days).

  5. Hey Dan, looking at your favorite legendary people, I was again amazed even awe-struck of the skillful detail, especially the rope wound around the crank used to draw water from the well. Kudos, sir.
    I wish I could afford 200 bucks for one of your prints, but alas

    • You can get much cheaper ones but still nice from by clicking the “buy prints” link below the cartoon at top. You can use the calendar link below to find the cartoon you want, then click the “buy prints” link. Just and FYI. Thanks!

  6. I wish the resolution was better on the prints you and the gallery are trying to sell. Yes, I do copy the occasional cartoon to the slideshow that keeps me alive at work, but in this I’m just trying to figure out what the print is. Doesn’t really matter – I got my “Heimlich Hotel” print, and it still makes me grin.

  7. Here’s an earworm that needs purging. Playing in my head is “embiggenation” sung to the tune of Carly Simon’s “Anticipation”.

  8. Funny how different people can have different interpretations of things. With that Mylar balloon one, I didn’t realize that you were poking fun at people bringing those balloons to hospital beds, because I have never seen them in that context. Partly because I avoid hospitals like the plague (they depress me to no end) and perhaps partly because these balloons seem not to be a tradition here. (“Here” being South Africa).

    But I still found the cartoon funny, because I thought you were poking fun at the fact that nowadays, frickin’ anything and everything is diagnosed as a disease in need of treatment. Western civilization (if there is such a thing) has turned into a collection of pathetic hypochondriacs. The cartoon works that way too. :-)

    Careful about poking fun at celebrities though. YOU are also a celebrity nowadays. Have you never put anything mundane out there? Probably not. You couldn’t be mundane if you tried.

    You are right about sport stars: many of them seem immature and idiotic. I think it’s the ultra-competitive spirit, without which they wouldn’t be sport stars in the first place. I mean, OF COURSE it’s a bit idiotic to have a bunch of adult men furiously compete for possession of a relatively cheap ball, when it would have been easy to simply give one to everyone. That’s the nature of sport: it’s idiotic. But pleasantly entertaining. Until the idiocy is carried off the field/arena.

    • I chuckled out loud at this…“I mean, OF COURSE it’s a bit idiotic to have a bunch of adult men furiously compete for possession of a relatively cheap ball, when it would have been easy to simply give one to everyone.” I may borrow that for a future blog. :^}

  9. Outside the US, we don’t call them “Mylar” balloons.

    In the UK at least we mention the filling (Helium) not the containing material.

    It’s a peculiarity (to me as a Brit) that the US seems to refer to trademarks so much. We use tissues, not Kleenex, etc.

    • We call the old-fashioned rubber balloons “helium” if they’re floating, but the shiny metallic ones are always referred to as “mylar” for some reason. I think our habit of using name brands is a function of TV advertising.

      • Dan, that explains why, as a little boy, I would ask for a coke and every time I would get a “Coke” rather than the Delaware Punch I really wanted. . . (It wasn’t easy to say Delaware Punch at that age- lol)

  10. Say, if you don’t like sports interviews or commentary (and I sure don’t), have you listened to the Pistol Shrimps podcast? It’s 2 guys who don’t know much about basketball (and also happen to be professional comedians) “sportscasting” their ladyfriends’ intramural basketball games. They somehow nail the tone & manage to convey what’s happening, but they replace any actual sports knowledge with such absurdity that it’s just compelling radio. I think you’d love it!

  11. Jersey Shore was filmed in Seaside Heights, NJ. Any similarity to the real Jersey Shore and the program would be like comparing simple math to integral calculus. The only good thing the show produced was an increase in the police force and some possible help to the local economy.

    • No doubt. I’ve dabbled a bit in the medium in recent years and I can say with confidence the thing reality TV is most allergic to is reality.

  12. I despise after game interviews. And although I enjoy watching tennis, it is the worst since the interview is performed in front of the whole stadium. The poor players have to answer the most inane questions like “where did you find the strength to pull out the fourth game of the last set when you were down 0-40?” or better “How important was this victory to you?”

    • Agreed. The questions and answers are utterly predictable, but then, they sort of have to be. It’s a useless activity.

  13. Friday 4-22 you hit a new low. This “joke” isn’t bizarre it’s extremely sick and offensive, in fact, blasphemous. What do you have against God anyway? Wont He accept you on your own terms? He doesn’t accept anyone on their terms. May God have mercy on your miserable soul.

  14. Shared Your BIZARRO of Friday April 22 as a (former-lol) believer in “Man Created God in His Own Image” I now realize that “God” Created Man in His Own Image! LOL

  15. Maybe you ougta make a book of “Bizarro” from certain decades and sell them in bookstores and ebooks everywhere. That’s a way to make a pretty penny

    • I’ve had more than a dozen books of Bizarro cartoons going all the way back to the late 80s. You can still find some of them online if you search my name.

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