Too Many Babies


Bizarro 04-24-16 hdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon, hold down your breakfast and click any yellowish color thrice.)

Bizarro 04-24-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Favorite Click Bait of the Week.

If you’re a person who is uncomfortable being honest about sex with your children, this cartoon is an excellent way to teach them about reproduction. It’s a bit more accurate than the old “stork” story, and in a court of law you could argue that it is technically true; babies come from inside the mother. Of course, if you do use this as a teaching tool for your children, prepare to be raising your grandchildren in a few years because their parents are still in middle school.

bz panel 04-18-16

Doctors are full of good advice like this. Other good doctor advice: never get this naked.

bz panel 04-19-16

Here’s a lovely little cartoon for all my fellow “grammar nazis” out there. I actually hate being someone who has strong urges to correct people’s grammar, and so does everyone else who doesn’t share this compulsion. I’ve become good at not correcting people in social situations but as my domesticated partner, Olive Oyl, can attest, I’m not always good about resisting the urge at home. I honestly don’t know if it is genetic or learned behavior from having attended Catholic school, where they convinced me that if I could not speak and write well, others would think I was a moron.

I should mention that Olive Oyl writes and speaks very well and gives me precious little opportunity to correct her. That’s a prerequisite for me. Poor grammar and/or the inability to write a well email is a huge turnoff for me. I even pay attention to punctuation and capitalization when texting. Yes, I’m that far gone.

I should also mention that while my skills in this area are far superior to most people’s these days (which isn’t saying much) I am far from infallible and have been corrected many times by readers of this blog. Witch I appreciate because I hate to have eras in these posts.

bz panel 04-20-16

I have no idea where this weird little scenario above came from. I was thinking about what they call in the movie industry “meet cutes,” and then I thought about how women love kittens and there I was. Here’s another favorite cartoon of mine about a similar couple.


bz panel 04-21-16

I like this cartoon because it bothers me how many Americans think that all media is biased. All media has some bias in it because humans are nearly incapable of operating without it, but some media prides itself on accuracy and openly identifies opinions and editorials as such, rather than disguising them as factual stories. That’s not to say they aren’t sometimes wrong, but when they are, it is truly inadvertent and corrections are made. Their business is built entirely on accuracy. A few examples of this kind of trustworthy news source are The New York Times, The Washington Post, and NPR.

The biggest example of a media outlet that knowingly misleads the public in an attempt to achieve the political goals of its owners and operatives is FOX News Channel. Their business is not built on being trustworthy, but on convincing their viewers that they are being lied to by everyone else. That’s an enormous and important difference. From inside that bubble, it can seem you’ve stumbled upon the only news source that’s really telling you the truth. But it bears noting that it would take a worldwide conspiracy of impossible proportions for FOX’s claims to be even close to true. It’s The Emperor’s New Clothes.

This cartoon also addresses the fact that as our attention spans get shorter, TV news necessarily has to pander to us in childish ways to compete in the ratings. I have no doubt that a news channel like the one described above would become extremely popular.

And, in grammar news, it should correctly read “…none of the facts is true” but since it’s a character talking, I can get away with using the common vernacular. (Take that, grammar nazis!)


bz panel 04-22-16

This cartoon about the traditional Judeo-Christian god got a lot of comments this week. The vast majority were very positive but, predictably, some were negative. The negative comments were mostly from people who found it offensive to depict god as an ape. (I am amused by the fact that humans are also apes, and nobody complains when you depict god as one of those. Also that so many people envision god as a male. Why would god need genitals?)

I was raised in a devout Catholic family and attended six years of Catholic school. I later spent a few years as a “born again” Christian and did the whole fundamentalist Bible study thing. Neither of these disciplines held up to my standards of “truth.”  But because I was raised to take religion seriously, I kept searching for answers.

As a young adult I did a lot of reading about a wide variety of religions from around the world and throughout history, as well as various mythologies. I’ve also studied the Bible both academically and as a believer. All of this exposure to the ways humans express their notions of the divine gave me a perspective that confining oneself within a single culture does not. Eventually I began to form my own conclusions and was finally able to regard any and all human religions as mythologies we’ve created to explain or comfort ourselves in a very complex universe. That’s not to say those comforts are not needed or are necessarily a bad thing. We all gotta do what we gotta do to get by.

But a few things jump out at you pretty quickly once you step outside of whatever cultural bubble you were raised in: Who wrote that god looks like a human male? Human males. Who wrote that Jews are god’s chosen people? Jews. Who wrote that women are to be subservient to men? Men. Who wrote that anyone who disrespects Islam should be severely punished? Etc. The list goes on and on.

My current perspective could be called atheist, but it does not rule out some kind of incomprehensible unifying force in the universe. It does, however, most certainly rule out the possibility of any one man-made religion being even remotely “true” in the sense that so many of us believe it is. It also rules out any possibility that a divine, omnipotent power in our incomprehensibly infinite universe looks like a human male. Or that such an incomprehensibly powerful entity could be insecure enough to be offended by my miserable little cartoon depicting it as the wrong species of ape.

I would also say that since humor is one of the most pleasurable, powerful, and beneficial forces in human life, it is impossible to believe that if there is a God, He/She/It was not responsible for creating it.


bz panel 04-23-16

This cartoon grew from the controversy surrounding the Oscars earlier this year. It was posited that mainstream Hollywood films do not offer enough good roles for people who do not happen to be mostly Caucasian. I don’t pay close enough attention to the industry to have an opinion on that, but I would definitely be interested in the film mentioned in this cartoon.

Well, Jazz Pickles, I’m off for another week of cartoon-making. Since so many people read my cartoons online now (for free) instead of in newspapers (which is who pays me) it becomes increasingly difficult for guys like me to make a living. So we sell things. Here’s some stuff I’m selling now that help to bridge gaps and provide me with an uninterrupted stream of tequila, chips, and salsa. Thanks for your support!

Very nice, signed prints of one of my strange sketchbook images, soon to be a page of a book coming out this fall. $25 to $50 There are less than 20 of each of these sizes so you could call it a limited edition. Have a look!

Super nice, framed, signed and numbered, limited-edition fine art prints from a fancy LA art gallery. $200  Have a look!


67 thoughts on “Too Many Babies

  1. I’m just an old guy who reads newspapers, so I get to see your work in a , but it is so nice to see a week’s worth on this page

    • I read the comics in the San Diego Union Tribune and after reading your blog, I always try to identify all your special goodies. As a result of all that, I also look forward to your weekly blog explaining your cartoons. Keep it up.

      • Another excellent—and fairly short—book in which you might be interested is “A None’s Story: Searching for Meaning Inside Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and Islam” by Corinna Nicolau.

        Nicolau (who settled in my rural region of the country after living in Dallas, Los Angeles and even D.C. during 9/11) grew up without any religious affiliation, but decided to check out the four major religions over several years, including most of the various denominations and sects (and there are many even in this area). In the end, she made a great observation much like your own:

        What I disliked—what made me want to run for the exit—was more a point of view than a form of any faith—and it could be found within every belief system. It made my skin crawl when someone presented what he or she believed as the absolute truth. Such certainty seemed to imply that any other way of conceptualizing the human experience was incorrect, a cancerous anomaly. …

        “I think more and more people are sensing this, which is why the ranks of the Nones continue to grow. What many of us are saying with our lack of affiliation is that we don’t want to take sides. … One group claiming the truth at the expense of another is just the sort of thing we’re sick of because we see the destruction it’s done; used again and again to justify not taking care of another or, worse, destroying each other. Perhaps Nones are trying something new: not picking sides is the side we’re picking.”

        • I wanted to get into my views on the damage that religions can do to a person and to society but it would have made the post unbearably long and it seemed off topic. I agree with this view entirely, of course. As soon as you think you’ve found the ultimate truth regarding spirituality, the only thing you can be certain of is that you’re wrong.

    • I’m reading that now. I like information/trivia and general knowledge learning. I’m not far into it just yet. But, I am loving it.

  2. “None can take either a singular or plural verb. A common misconception is that none is always singular because it is short for no one. However, it is just as likely to mean not any, implying a plural. When none is followed by a mass noun (a noun that cannot be counted or made plural) it takes a singular verb.”

  3. I still subscribe to a newspaper, because I like the feel of paper, and find it easier to carry around than an electronic device that I would worry about dropping or losing. However, this paper no longer runs your cartoons. (There seem to be people here who would rather read Family Circus!) Thank you for entertaining me and so many others here online.

  4. Bravo Sir Bizarro de Piraro. As good wine (and gossip) improve with age – so does your talent. May I add to your soliloquy? I simply can’t imagine a “god” – who invented such absurd entities as “humans” (compare us to eagles or polar bears – no contest) not having a sense of humour; and moreover, not laughing uproariously from time to time at himself. As in: “You idiot, why didn’t you make planets flat so farming would be easier – thereby allowing your worshippers to grow more crops to bring to you?” And “dummy! what’s with those Australian animals?” And of course, “why didn’t you insist on a metric calendar – 10 days a week – 50 days a metric-month and 250 days a year. Yes – you incompetent – you could have altered the trip around the Sun. Why don’t you use your head for something besides a hat rack?”

    (And my worshippers think I’m an omnibus. Wait – that’s not the word.)

  5. I read your cartoons in an old-fashioned newspaper, but I’m glad you post them here, too. My paper doesn’t carry the Sunday Bizarro & I like seeing the others in color and the occasional wide format.

    I’ve increasingly come to despise the term “grammar nazi,” probably because I am one. I much prefer “grammar nerd.” After all, we’re a force for good, not evil.

    • Haha! I see your point and prefer “nerd” over “nazi,” too. But we annoy the hell out of other people so I think we’re stuck with the more pejorative moniker. :^}

  6. I had a feeling you’d attended Catholic school ! I got in huge trouble in the 8th grade when I made a similar observation during a discussion on evolution with the very by the book priest in a small town in Ohio. Was declared a blasphemer (finger pointing included). Hey — I was just thinking outside the box…..

  7. • Does your editor correct your (or yore) grammar errors, or do you just never make any?
    • In certain circles there are claims that the mainstream media ignores some events. Of course, they may not feature certain events, but not ignore them. So there’s always Fox News. And there are the grammar nazis when “mainstream media” is abbreviated “MSM?” Doesn’t that make it Main Stream Media? (And my spell check wants to capitalize “nazis.”)
    • As for creation, check out this year’s Isaac Asimov Memorial Debate “Is the Universe a Simulation?” hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson:
    • And today’s cartoon may be one explanation as to why there are Too Many People.

  8. “… a well email…?” Hmm. You might want to check with Olive Oyl on that. I didn’t go to Catholic school, but I no a questionable phrase wen i sea it.

  9. I heard on the TED radio hour today that only listening to people you agree with can be dangerous, but heck with that! I enjoy your weekly missives more than Brain Pickings. Though Brain Pickings is very cool, especially if you are a book lover. If you haven’t heard of it it’s –

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. We see your comic in the Sunday Eugene Register Guard. How much of that two bucks do you get? Erm, I better go buy something….

  10. Regarding your views on religion, I could not agree more. I also was raised a strict catholic but became disillusioned in the church in my early twenties. You have mirrored my feelings towards organized religion exactly. Keep up the great work. You have my ultimate respect.

  11. As an Ordained Minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster I can’t pass up the opportunity to remind you that we’re still out here and still the fastest growing carbohydrate based religion in the world. Everything you’ve said above coincides with our teachings in a manner that indicates that you’ve seen us before. I hope you will re-check our Pastafarian webpage and see how close we are to your beliefs, opinions and love of a good plate of spaghetti and meatballs
    R’Amen !

    • Thanks so much for chiming in, Reverend. I’d forgotten about you guys but I love love love you! It’s comforting to know the noodles are there if I need them. I used to dabble a bit in The Church of the SubGenius back in the day. Praise Bob.

  12. I really enjoy your offerings but the simian “God” was especially good. I was raised in a couple of fundamental churches and as an adult attended a Christian Church, even ascending to the level of Deacon, but had questions for a long time. Ultimately I determined that since no church I’m aware of follows the Bible 100%, and all of them pick and choose what they want to focus on, that none of them are right. Of course that means that Satan is controlling me and until I allow God (or Jesus or the Holy Spirit, etc) back into my life, I’ll never again have my eyes opened to the guile of Satan. Oh well. Keep up the great work.

    • I had a girlfriend years ago who used to bring me to a UU church. It was nice, but church in general just isn’t a good fit for me.

  13. I’m a grammar nazi, too, and I can only imagine how excruciating it was to put those intentional errors in your post!

  14. I read you in my theoretically daily paper, which is only delivered four days a week. (The joke that comes immediately to mind is “The food is so bad, and such small portions.” I’m getting close to cancelling the subscription. If I do, I feel like I should buy a subscription to Bizarro. What do you think you earn per Oregonian subscriber per month or year or drawing?

    I’ve already got one of your prints, and nowhere to hang it.

    • Thanks for your note, MH. I’ll be putting a Tip Jar on my page soon so folks like you can donate whatever you’d like in support. I really appreciate it!

  15. Hey, let’s get serious…
    God knows what he’s doin’
    He wrote this book here
    An’the book says:
    He made us all to be just like Him,”
    If we’re dumb…
    Then God is dumb…
    (An’ maybe even a little ugly on the side)

    -Frank Zappa “Dumb All Over”

  16. My drill sergeant in the Army never liked that I had “Norse Gods” on my dog tags. It somehow made more sense than having Protestant, after all I wasn’t really protesting anything other than the existence of ONE all-knowing, compassionate, and all-powerful god. While there are still flaws to my theory, I believe in a whole bunch of gods playing D&D with the world, i.e. rolling dice to see if some Jacknuts takes over Europe in the 1930s, if the moon is made of blue cheese, or some schmo in upstate NY falls in love with the gal he marries.
    Thanks for the great fun.

  17. The “inability to write a well email” gave me hope. Generally I think my emails are okay. Some of my sick humor does creep in from time to time. Does that result in “a sick email”?

    Oh, and thank you for the “domesticated partner” image. It brought to mind trying to tame a tiger/mate.

    • Thanks for getting both of those jokes. A number of people tried to correct me on the “well email” and nobody has mentioned the “domesticated partner” line. In truth, I was the one needing the most domesticating when my partner and I moved in together. :^}

  18. I do read my comics for free online because there’s no other way to see them. I want to support my favorites because I would miss them so if they were gone, but I don’t want any “stuff” like books, prints, or swag. What would be a just and reasonable amount to send as a check once a year, to fairly pay for entertainment rendered? And where would one find cartoonists’ business mailing addresses such as yours?

    • Thanks so much for your question, Moose. I totally get it. I’m going to put a “Tip Jar” on my site very soon that will enable people to make a monthly, yearly, or one-time donation via PayPal.

      • Well emails! As always, Dan, you are most excellent.

        RE: Tip Jars – just making sure everyone has heard of Patreon, one of a number of support-your-artist sites making it easy for us to pay these very important folks for their vital work.

        Check out

        *I have no connection to the site, nor any interest other than supporting Dan and everyone like him.

  19. “A few examples of this kind of trustworthy news source are The New York Times, The Washington Post, and NPR.”

    I laughed hysterically when I read this. A perfect example of “confirmation bias” for people with hard left views. Just like Fox is on the right. They’re all “Pravda” these days, all of them. The official government propaganda organs. Hysterically funny.

    • This is exactly what I’m talking about. FOX and their ilk have intentionally tried to convince people that all news is an instrument of a political entity. What evidence do you have that this is true?

    • NPR bends over backwards to AVOID hard-left views. It bugs me that NPR reporters frequently interview experts from the Heritage Foundation, a notorious right-wing outfit, without identifying it as such.

  20. Just real the frame for April 28, 2016 in the Houston Chronicle and am furious! This is cruel, sick disgusting, and appalling – and those are the nice things I have to say. I do intend to comment on facebook regarding this and hope you have all the wonderful people who work tirelessly for animal rights, in particular our dogs and cats, responding to this.

  21. Your April 28th cartoon is disturbing.
    But at least you didn’t say the Chef went to an adoption agency or abortion clinic for the “Chef’s Surprise”.

    • Thanks for your comment. I understand your alarm and concern but I actually became a vegan animal rights activist around fifteen years ago and am fairly well known for my many cartoons supporting animal causes. This particular cartoon is an attempt to draw attention to the fact that in our society, dogs and cats are revered but other animals are considered food and often abused in factory farms. I’ll be covering this in more detail on my weekly blog post this Sunday if you’d like to read more about my views on it. Thanks for giving me a chance to respond. :^}

  22. For the first time in your life, and mine after a zillion years of reading your comics, Dan, you weren’t funny. Today’s comic about the chef going to the animal shelter was the antithesis of funny.

    • Thanks for your comment. I understand your alarm and concern but I actually became a vegan animal rights activist around fifteen years ago and am fairly well known for my many cartoons supporting animal causes. This particular cartoon is an attempt to draw attention to the fact that in our society, dogs and cats are revered but other animals are considered food and often abused in factory farms. I’ll be covering this in more detail on my weekly blog post this Sunday if you’d like to read more about my views on it. Thanks for giving me a chance to respond. :^}

  23. April 28th cartoon, “…illegal but cook visited animal shelter…’ is NOT funny, when the Chinese are having their “dog meat festival.” What the hell were you thinking??? We (rescue groups in USA) are trying to rescue ‘dog meat farm’ dogs from S. Korea right now. Are you really that insensitive?

    • Thanks for your comment. I understand your alarm and concern but I actually became a vegan animal rights activist around fifteen years ago and am fairly well known for my many cartoons supporting animal causes. This particular cartoon is an attempt to draw attention to the fact that in our society, dogs and cats are revered but other animals are considered food and often abused in factory farms. I’ll be covering this in more detail on my weekly blog post this Sunday if you’d like to read more about my views on it. Thanks for giving me a chance to respond. :^}

  24. Dan, I love your comic strip and your irreverent humor, but today’s (4/28) reference to the animal shelter was so disappointing. As a volunteer at my local “animal shelter,” I know that our world is full of people who abuse animals and adopt them for less than honorable reasons. This really is no laughing matter. It’s not even irreverent; it’s just wrong.

    • Thanks for your comment. I understand your alarm and concern but I actually became a vegan animal rights activist around fifteen years ago and am fairly well known for my many cartoons supporting animal causes. This particular cartoon is an attempt to draw attention to the fact that in our society, dogs and cats are revered but other animals are considered food and often abused in factory farms. I’ll be covering this in more detail on my weekly blog post this Sunday if you’d like to read more about my views on it. Thanks for giving me a chance to respond. :^}

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