Bizarro 08-21-16 hdr WEB

(Clicking any articulated joint in any of these images will embiggenate the image.)

Bizarro 08-21-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Strange Olympics. 

There is much fun to be had in this comic featuring a twist on the age-old comedy motif of the kid whose dog ate his homework. Aside from the deep, theological concepts within the dialogue, there are plenty of background jokes and six secret symbols to search for. Embiggenate it for a more complete experience.

bz panel 08-15-16

I have no idea why this guy just biologically looks like a clown, but since he does, I made this cartoon about it. The moral of this story is not to fight nature. It’s the reason I didn’t follow my childhood dream of becoming a flying horse.

bz panel 08-16-16

I’m no fan of golf but my dad is and I used to watch it on TV with him when I was a kid and he even took me to a PGA tournament once. Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer were two of the big stars then, and that was before that lemonade/tea drink was named after him. Because all of the other sports I watched featured rowdy, shouting fans, I was impressed by how quiet the spectators were and that even the commentators were whispering. I haven’t watched golf on TV since but I assume they still whisper.

bz panel 08-17-16

I’ve done a few “does this (blank) make my butt look big” cartoons but in this case I thought I’d push the envelope a little and imagine a large woman stuffing herself into such a small and sturdy dress that it squeezed her like a water balloon.

bz panel 08-18-16

I didn’t realize until I started writing this blog post this morning that there were two religious-themed cartoons in this week’s batch. (Three if you count the next one featuring Satan.) This one isn’t really about religion, of course, but about a delivery guy who skims instead of reads. I find this happens a lot these days with emails and texts. I will write a few sentences that clearly express the information I wish to impart, and the other person will respond in a way that shows me they glanced at a few key nouns and verbs and made up an inaccurate narrative of their own in a split second. Come on, people. Reading is a hallmark of our species. Dogs can pick up a few words in a sentence and get a rough idea of what you mean; I expect more from my human associates.

bz panel 08-19-16

This cartoon about mythological hell caused another shit storm in the comments section of my FacadeBook page, of course. While most people in the U.S. and around the world see Donald Trump as a dangerous, unqualified buffoon, a relatively small number believe he’s no worse than Hillary Clinton and want me to either stop doing political cartoons at all, or give equal time to Clinton. I don’t have time to respond individually to each person who complains about these things, so here are the two main reasons I do cartoons about Trump and not Clinton:

  • According to the overwhelming majority of experts in any field you can mention––throughout the entire world––Trump is the most dangerous person to have ever gotten this close to the White House and is more dangerous than Clinton by several orders of magnitude, so I feel it is everyone’s duty to point that out until the threat has passed.
  • Everything about Trump, from his TV evangelist hairbeast to his carnival barker behavior to his childish insults is an invitation to comedy. The guy is as hilarious as he is thin-skinned and egomaniacal. Hillary, by contrast, could not be less funny. (Which is a big part of her trouble with public perception, in fact; she isn’t a performer. That’s why you can tell when she’s lying and her speeches sound stiff. All politicians lie from time to time, most can convince you they’re not.) Plus, since I don’t watch TV news and read only reliable reporting from venerated sources, I don’t buy into the Hillary as Mafia boss/traitor/thief/murderer/sorceress/child molester/anti-christ narrative that FOX News Channel has done their best to propagate since the 90s.

If you’re typically a Republican voter, I can completely understand your anger for having been given such a terrible candidate, but your anger should be directed at the GOP, not at those of us who point out the inherent comedy in Trump.

bz panel 08-20-16

Thanks for reading this far, Jazz Pickles. If you’re enjoying Bizarro online for free, please consider one of the several ways you can help to support my efforts. Links are below.

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Original black/white, hand-drawn Bizarro panels and limited-edition, color, signed and numbered prints on fine art paper from a Los Angeles art gallery.

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41 thoughts on “Hungry

  1. At the risk of making the other cartoons feel “less than,” I really loved the Sunday cartoon. There are several old jokes that this grows from (and I’ll tell you what they are if you don’t know) and then it spins your head around in an entirely different direction. And that makes me laugh.

    • The only two I can think of are the “dog ate my homework” and the one about dyslexic agnostics not knowing if there’s a dog. Are there others I’m not aware or thinking of?

        • That’s a Groucho Marx observation: “Question: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Answer: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.”

  2. Ha ha! A stellar week for Bizarro cartoons. Or perhaps I’m more jovial today than usual. But, no. I think this week’s collection is exceptionally good. Thanks.

  3. Thank you, thank you, Dan, for your trump cartoons. I feel satire – whether (Andy) Borowitz, (Samantha) Bee or Bizarro – is the BEST (and sometimes the only) hope to alleviate the suffering of the enlightened, and enlighten the rest.


    (What’s the significance of blueberry pie in hell? Pie is my heaven on earth!)

  4. Hey Dan! Thanks for the free cartoons. I’m sorry I can’t pay for them right now. But I will remind you of what Bette Midler said at the end of a book: “F#** ’em if they can’t take a joke!”

  5. I love the How a Bill Becomes a Law poster. Also love the classroom drawn right out of the 60’s when you and I were that age. And 6 secret symbols, yeah!

    • Cartoon doctors do. But for reals, I’ve spent time telling a nurse what is wrong, having them set me up with everything I need for the examination (which might be a gown), then had the doc come in and ask me all over again why I’m there.

  6. I love ALL your cartoons, and your points of view, but this one really resonates with me. Thanks so much for putting it out there.

  7. I’m still reeling at the news that Kirstie Alley is a Trump supporter…I just learned that today. She is also a Scientologist. Hm. Anyway, thanks for explaining why you continue to feature the very funny and very dangerous 2016 GOP candidate.

    • I’ve never connected Scientologists with Trump supporters before but I guess it makes sense. You’ve got to have tremendously poor critical thinking skills to buy into either one.

  8. Don’t watch golf now…it will only disappoint. The crowds have become rowdy and I think it is just symbolic of society now. Or I’m just old and “get off my lawn” right now. Whatever.

  9. Glad ur handy, ive loved ur work for years. I first wrote u about the bird on the psychiatrists couch, still carry it with me in my purse.

  10. The dog/god cartoon resonates with me. As a boy (I am 77 now) I used to dissolve a bit in wonder at the seeming mystery behind the rush of confusing images & thoughts that would flood with a rush into my mind at the concatenation those 2 words elicited. And — I was a bit dyslexic! the mystery persists — but now I think I have a bit of a handle on it. Supposedly, “God created us in his image.” Many dogs, & much life later, I have a partial explanation. To wit — we truly did — godlike –create the dog in our image. Cartoons celebrate this, & even make dogs interchangeable with humans. You did it yourself in the 8/8/16 cartoon — with the dog in a business suit.
    You rule supreme in the cartoon world!!! Thanks for the joy — Dan the Man!

  11. I envy you for your ability, as a child, to resist your unreachable dreams. At various times, it was my own ambition to become a baboon, otter, dog, rhinoceros or ankylosaurus. I had very limited success, as you can imagine.

    I was going to voice my opinion on the Trump/Clinton issue, but it occurred to me that by doing so, I’ll achieve little more than add to the hot air. Your cartoons already say all there is to say, about politicians in general. Plus, a guy who once had the ambition to become a dinosaur with a brain the size of a walnut should probably stay out of intellectual discourse.

  12. I feel like the “How a bill becomes a law”‘ poster should be a real thing. It is so brilliant! It may be sellable, who knows…

    • Same here. Knowing that it was about Trump makes it even better. The concept of “President Trump” is too frightening to be funny, though.

      • His subtlety is part of his art. BTW: I think I heard this on Bill Maher’s HBO show: The real reason behind the Trump hat was because whenever Mr T. descends from his airplane, the wind catches his hair and creates ungodly designs with it!

    • While most cartoons here are timeless and excellent for re-reading, the reference (if any) to Trump will become dated when he fades from relevance. That’s not a major problem because it can be repurposed the next time someone with bad hair and worse ideas comes around.

      So it’s a good cartoon. If it mentioned any names it wouldn’t be.

  13. If you include the backwards “K2” on the wall in hell, that makes four secret symbols in Satan cartoon, not three. Trying to keep us on our toes, Dan?

  14. Dear Piraro,

    Cheers from your fan from Brazil! I read all your comics.

    About politics, if you may, I´d like to quote I don´t know who (can´t trust internet, Mark Twain, maybe?):

    Politicians (and therefore political parties), as diapers, should be changed frequently… for the same reasons.

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