Tolerable Humor

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(Be an embiggenator by clicking any object in these images that has curved lines.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Good Point.

Political correctness can be tiresome, to be certain. But in the end, it is nothing more than people in a society asking each other to be kind to others and make this a more pleasant world to live in. And even though some people get carried away with it and erroneously think that everything is an offense, the basic concept is not a bad thing.

Some of those people will see this cartoon and think I”m making fun of tolerance. Personally, I find those kinds of people challenging to tolerate.

Back at the turn of the century (the one 117 years ago) guys dressed like the one pictured above used to actually walk around every day like it was normal. Because it was. For super rich guys, anyway. The rest of us were dressed in rags, as we still are today.

I’ve long been fascinated by the amazing smelling skills of dogs. Apparently, their sense of smell is so powerful that they can actually smell the chemicals we release when we’re happy, sad, angry, etc., and that’s a primary way they are telling how we feel, not just our outward behavior. They can also smell tumors and alert doctors to cancer before the person has symptoms. (I’m not sure how they tell people they have tumors before they have symptoms, but I’ve read that this is a real thing.) So smelling my marijuana even though I’ve packed it inside three Ziplocks and shoved it inside a bottle of shampoo and buried it at the bottom of my dirty laundry in my suitcase is no more difficult for them than it is for me to smell the cigarette smoke on someone who just came in from having a smoke outside, even though they chewed up a breath mint. Which is why I don’t fly with marijuana, even though most of the dogs you see at airports these days are after explosives and not pot.

In summary: I am amazed by dog’s noses and I won’t fly with marijuana until it is a completely legal object of god’s creation (as it should be) or until dogs decide as a species to stop doing what humans tell them to (which I hope they never do).

Buy your lover some cut flowers and they can enjoy them for a few days until they die. Buy your lover a packet of seeds, and they can spend lots of time preparing and nurturing them for days or weeks and then watch hundreds of very small things refuse to come up out of the dirt.  At least, that’s been my experience with seeds. If I was a dog, I could probably smell the seeds dying and could forego watering them much sooner.

I love phony magazine covers and have done a few over the years.  Here’s one I did last year that I still like

I’m curious if there are any readers who had trouble with this one. The punch line is the tiny artist at right, of course. I got this idea by imagining what it would be like to be a small lapdog, like a chihuahua, in a world full of creatures ten or twenty times your size, like humans. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to walk down the crowded streets of Manhattan if everyone else rushing by was the size of a 15-story building.

According to a comment left by a reader of mine, the hilarious and enviably popular columnist, Dave Barry, came across this idea some time ago. Here’s the quote from a Dave Barry article from I-don’t-know-when:

“UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.” ––Dave Barry

When you live in a world populated with innumerable comedy writers of all kinds scouring the universe for humor every second of every day, a number of them are going to come across the same ideas independently. Such is life.

That concludes this week’s cartoon roundup, my precious Jazz Pickles. If you’ve been reading Bizarro for free and would like to enjoy the satisfaction one feels from supporting the arts, I would like to point you to the Tip Jar in the margin at right. Or click this.  The first option is for monthly contributions (SO appreciated!) and the next option is for a one-time donation. (ALSO appreciated!) Sorry if the graphics on that page look weird. We’ve been having trouble with it.

If you like surreal, creative artwork, I would like to point you to my new coloring book for all ages. Even if you don’t want to color it, you’ll enjoy getting lost in the 31 different, amazing worlds I have illustrated for this book. And it’s only $6!! That’s less than twenty cents per world, people. (What the hell was I thinking putting this much work into a book I cannot make money off of without it selling hundreds of thousands of copies? I don’t know.) Here’s a page from that book that you may not have seen.

If you like more expensive stuff, you can find really nice, archival, large, limited-edition, signed and numbered prints of some of my favorite Bizarro cartoons (and also some original ink drawings from Bizarro) at this Los Angeles art gallery’s site. The color ones are the prints, the black and white ones are the original ink drawings.

See you next weekend, Jazz Pickles. Until then, be happy, be well, be nice.

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31 thoughts on “Tolerable Humor

  1. How about a modern day codpiece,
    like a push-up or pump up bra,
    but just for men to wear.
    It could be called …
    The Junk Trunk
    A place
    to keep your
    car keys and wallet,
    even recharge your cell phone.
    All with the convenience and style of a
    Speedo

    There could even be a model for Women.
    Where they could keep essentials,
    Solar powered recharging
    Cell signal boosting
    Booty Boot

    Like a Junk Trunk,
    only, on the flipside.

  2. I felt like there should be a caption for the title panel. It looks like King Kong is speaking. The way they’re standing side by side like that I imagined him saying, “Can’t a guy take a whiz in peace?”

    (I might have known you liked weed.)

  3. Thanks for another week of superb silliness. “That’s me in a nutshell” indeed–with the rest of us in rags. . .

  4. I’ve been watching “Border Security: America’s Front Line” and those dogs never found any bombs, but lots of marijuana. Make of this what you will.

    I liked that early laptop. Reminds me of one I used.

  5. Thanks for your comments
    about the skills of dogs
    to smell all kinds of stuff.
    Now, please imagine a little dog sniffing along in
    irregular rithm to this semi-poem —

    Just recently
    I discovered —
    maybe —
    something about
    how
    dogs
    smell.
    To wit —
    Every night I give
    my little dachshund Cinco
    [she’s white with 5 brown spots]
    some treats of duck breast.
    These are cut up
    into fingernail-size pieces
    that I hide on my desk —
    about 11 to 13 of them.
    They are all
    over the place,
    & she sniffs
    them all out
    without
    fail.
    This takes several minutes
    while she puzzles out
    my deviousness
    in finding new hiding places.
    She has short hair
    & I noticed something
    about her body
    as she hunts.
    Somehow,
    she shivers
    a sheet of thin muscles
    between her skin & her entire rib cage!
    This sheet is
    only
    a few
    millimeters
    thick.
    It shivers
    back & forth
    maybe
    5
    times a second.
    Each oscillation
    seems to
    travel
    less
    than
    an
    inch.

    I think she is
    drawing air
    shallowly &
    rapidly in
    & out over
    her nasal passages.
    I cant really tell if she is breathing any air
    into her lungs or not.
    But I think
    she is —
    as she
    evinces no
    signs of being
    a bit out of breath.
    I have read a lot of dog books,
    & nobody seems to have noticed this.

    Im reading a best-seller dog book
    right now — [“Inside of a Dog” by Alexandra Horowitz].
    She sez [p. 70]
    dogs do this sniffing
    “with
    muscles
    in
    their
    nostrils
    straining
    to draw
    a current
    of air
    into them ….”
    Well, taint so!

    Maybe we will see more dogs in your cartoons now that you are in Mexico?
    Here in Douglas, on the border, we have a really good dog catcher.
    One seldom sees dogs on the street — except Chihuahuas!
    They actually run in packs!
    It took me a while to figger that out.
    They are so small & fast & feisty that they can disappear into any cracks
    or gaps in fences.
    And who ever heard of anybody being mauled by a Chihuahua?
    So I think they get a free pass.

  6. I’m an electronics engineer. To me, tolerance is in fixed unit increments. I can tolerate 10% of all monster behavior, but on good days my tolerance drops to 0.5%.

    On a completely different topic, when you go to a seafood restaurant and order lobster, how do you get it out of its shell? For me, it helps to buy it a drink and then talk about sports.

  7. I stumbled into a dream of color and strange
    became aware of angles outside my range
    it’s funny, sometimes true
    doesn’t make me low
    makes me see the wind and hear the rainbow.
    Oh it’s all so beautiful.
    Thanks Dan.

  8. Re the Dave Barry similarity, “There are no new ideas. There are only new ways of making them felt.” Audre Lorde
    I felt that laptop, ow ow ow!

  9. I remember taking home a “portable” computer from the office when I was on-call in the early 90’s. It was about the size of a medium suitcase and weighed 35 lbs. It had a 144 character screen. We used to call it “the portable hernia.”

  10. I saw the “ow ow ow” in your final panel and immediately assumed the guy pressing the buttons was suffering as a “Keypunch Operator.” (That’s an actual job title from days gone by; it’s what they called the people who sat at keyboards and punched holes in Hollerith Cards — the rectangular computer cards popularized by IBM.) But even BEFORE I started typing this I realized that joke would be WAY too obscure nowadays. As the “laptop” part of your gag may become in a few years!

    At my local “geek breakfast” meeting this morning, some of us were telling tales of our encounters with mini and micro computers of the 1970s and 1980s. If I had seen this in time I could have brought up the image of your cartoon on my “phablet” (AKA “smartphone”; AKA a pocket-sized computer connected to an Internet nobody even imagined in the 1970s); it would have elicited at least a few smirks and groans.

    :-)

    • My mother had a job as a keypunch operator when I was a toddler. I remember her talking about it and showing me the cards with tiny, rectangular holes punched in them. In fact, I think she gave me some of the throw aways and I used to draw on them with crayons. This would have been around 1960 or so.

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