Flying Mammals


(To escape the cruelties of a reality without embiggenation, click the bat’s nose.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Not Jazz Pickles.

I’ve done a lot of cartoons about superheroes but they never possess the qualities that I loved about them as a kid: power, intelligence, strength, coolness, etc.  Somehow, I find it much more enjoyable to poke fun at them than to draw comics that glorify them as heroes.

I’ve done so many superhero cartoons that a few years ago I published an entire book of my superhero satires, which you can buy here. You may be surprised to learn––as I was when I put that book together––that the word “superhero” is actually trademarked or something, which is why I had to name the book “Bizarro Heroes,” instead of “superheroes”. I was not happy about that but there really is no adequate substitute word.

Incidentally, people often ask me what the joke in the title panel means (first picture, above) and here’s the deal; the title panel appears next to my comic in the Sunday color comics supplement of some markets. It’s really only meant to be a title box that tells you what cartoon you’re about to read. Here’s an example from “Zits”.  It can be a joke, but it doesn’t have to be. So sometimes I just create a fun picture, and sometimes I use a piece of an old cartoon which may have a little joke to it. Here’s the old Bizarro that today’s title panel came from.

This cartoon was inspired by my hatred of the way airlines do business. Just recently, Olive Oyl went back to the U.S. for a week and filled up a suitcase with some stuff we can’t get here in Mexico. The suitcase weighed 76 lbs. and they charged her $220 to check it, which is almost enough to buy it a seat in the passenger compartment. If she’d divided it into two smaller suitcases, it would have been the same amount of weight and taken up even more room in the cargo compartment, but they would have charged her less than half that amount to check it. Sure, makes perfect sense.

Here’s a cartoon I did a few years back about a similar inequity. No other industry gets away with this kind of random charging structure but we’re so used to it with airlines that we just go along with it. Of course, what choice do we have if we want to fly?

Here’s a little pro cartooning tip: A well-placed catcher’s mitt can alleviate your need to draw an embarrassing crotch lump. You’re welcome.

Lately, I’ve been having a lot of fun exploring some pretty surreal premises like this one about chicken legs.  If you like this kind of humor, spray champagne over each other championship-locker-room-style because there are quite a few more heading your way in the coming weeks.

Some conservative type harrassed me on social media regarding this cartoon by saying something about liberals not being able to be trusted to bring fetuses to full term so blah blah blah, something stupid. I responded by observing that conservatives are obsessed with bringing unwanted children to term but then insist on completely abandoning them once they’re born. No help for poor or middle-class folks with birth control, no help with abortion, no help feeding, housing, or educating the child, no help providing them with healthcare which only the very wealthy can afford, etc. Historically and statistically, when you remove both birth control and abortion services for the not-wealthy, you get a big spike in crime 15 years later. Somehow, Republicans of this sort just can’t imagine how those two things could be connected.

Yes, this cartoon caused a shitstorm on social media, but I knew it would. I don’t read 99% of the negative comments on my social media so whatever they said about me didn’t stick.

One thing a lot of people mentioned was that this story about GW and the cherry tree is mythology in the first place and therefore an early example of fake news. That’s true––although it was written after Washington’s death and so it was more a case of hero worship after the fact as opposed to an attempt to change people’s perception of a given politician during his career, as fake news is used today–– but regardless, I still don’t see how that fact is relevant to this cartoon. I sense that most people who mentioned this were just proud of themselves for knowing it isn’t a true story.

Other people pointed out that the Founding Fathers were similar in many ways to racists of today because they owned slaves, counted black men as three-fifths of a person in the Constitution, etc. and they are correct. I still think if the Founding Fathers could see Trump in today’s context, most would dig their way out of their graves and slap the crap out of every American who voted for him.

Another person asked about the different font in the balloon, which is a legitimate question. I did that to be sure the reader knew it was a tweet, and not a voice speaking through his cell phone, or whatever.

I’ll admit I’m very proud of this cartoon. It satirizes the Cheeto Mussolini and his spoiled-rich-brat style of communication about any journalism that doesn’t directly serve or flatter him, and the “ALT” aspect of the caption box calls to mind his affiliation with the “alt-right movement,” which is a sanitized name for racists and anti-semites. I don’t think any of us should stop talking about the fact that we have a Nazi-sympathizing, racist, misogynist, lying, sexual predator in the White House until he and his kind are gone. That may take a good, long time, but let’s keep our fingers crossed and hope for a miracle.

This cartoon has a fundamental error in that Spongebob actually lives underwater and his clothes fit him fine in that state. So if he ventured onto dry land, as he dried out his clothes would become too large and fall off of him. I didn’t do the cartoon that way because who wants to see his tiny, dry, square penis? Not me.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s funnies, Jazz Pickles. If you’d like to feel the deep sense of satisfaction that comes from supporting the art and ideas that you enjoy, please consider one of the ways below that you can help keep the lights on here at Rancho Bizarro. THERE ARE SOME HOLIDAYS COMING UP AND SOME OF THE STUFF LISTED BELOW WOULD MAKE TERRIFIC GIFTS!

Until next time, be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist fascism. 


26 thoughts on “Flying Mammals

  1. Bringing stuff home from a stateside visit has gotten really costly. There used to be a second suitcase allowance for trans-Atlantic flights — which I’m sure our schlepping contributed to the dropping thereof. I’ve learned to find products here that do the trick for just about everything EXCEPT certain vitamin and mineral supplements and those bottles are heavy too!. Several trips ago I brought my stuff as a second now you have to pay for it “suitcase” — which was cheapest to fly (both FedEx and the Post Office shipping prices were more than $100 higher than what the airline charged, which then was $90!) That price has climbed so now I go with an almost empty suitcase and allowable carry on (which can weigh almost as much as the suitcase).

  2. Loved your comments about our current moron-in-chief. Too bad everyone doesn’t get to see them, though I firmly believe that Trump supporters wear rose-colored glasses.

  3. You seem pretty damn grumpy these days.
    You know, a lot of people don’t realize that Washington story is made up. Anyway, I didn’t notice anyone giving you grief about it. So, why get all defensive?
    Step back. Take a hit. Get some perspective. You’ll be OK.

  4. Very disappointed to see the word “penis” in this otherwise fine publication; that’s a word up with which I will not put! Why not use “winkie”, or as they say in Scotland, “tadger.” The ever-popular “kejigger” would also be appropriate. (I note that “tadger” IS IN THE F*CKING DICTIONARY.) ;-)

    • Just goes to show that no matter how educated or well-traveled one becomes, one can never become familiar with all of the names for the male sex organ.

  5. I am also unhappy with ridiculous airline fees, but have to do a shout out to baggage handlers everywhere. It is a rough job. My son did it for one summer and was bruised up every day. So to quit my rambling, I will just say that two lighter bags are much easier to load than one weighing 76 pounds. I have always loved your cartoons. Especially ones that feature snails.

  6. Not trying to be contrarIan but suitcase over 50 lbs is quite dangerous for a human to lift and move around. Airlines suck and all that, but the 50 lb limit is not the best example of petty charging.

  7. I get your comic only in black and white only in our Charlottetown PEI newspaper, except on Saturday when it’s in colour. Bizarro helps me make sense of the imperfect world we live in. Cheers.

  8. La Cucaracha had a simple but great one today, featuring a sign that read TRUMP/WEINSTEIN 2020, Maybe you could collaborate with Lalo Alvaraz on a bumper sticker and/or shirt……..

  9. Dan: We appreciate your attention to detail in the Sunday 10/22/17 panel parodying Batman. Was your inspiration for the character’s head a leaf-nosed fruit bat? We also appreciated you continuing the “bat” theme with the iBat on the 17th. :-)

  10. You’re gonna get sued by Apple for the iBat reference. You heard it first from me, assuming you have yet to receive a letter from Apple.

  11. Regarding the “chicken legs” gag, I have to confess that as a callow youth, and long before “caller ID”, a favorite prank would be to call a supermarket… “Hello, do you have pigs feet? You do? Well put your shoes on and nobody will notice.”

  12. About the “Alt Washington” cartoon —
    I cant seem to help noting incongruous details.
    The mechanics/physics of the cut stump + trunk dont work for me …
    1] At first I thot — “George” severed the trunk with just 1 swing.
    2] Becuz there are no chips.
    3] But then — the hinge of bark + cambium holding the stump & the trunk together seems wrong.
    4] But the hinge duz work if multiple swings were employed!
    5] But then — Where are the chips?
    6] Gaaah! You are driving me nuts!
    7] (Do I have that aspergers syndrome?)
    8] Then, I note that the different sizes of the 2 surface areas of the cut match!
    9] That is — If multiple strokes of the ax were used.
    10] But then — Where are the #$%!! chips?
    11] Please add the chips if you republish this!
    12] There.
    13] Now, I feel better.

  13. Hi Dan,

    I like the Batman and Robin comic, but when I saw the version on this page I thought that the joke was that batman was part bat part man, and that robin was just a robin.

    Funny either way.


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