Scalp Art


(To achieve an embiggenated view of the male-pattern comedy below, click any nose in the drawing.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Devolution.

Most of you Jazz Pickles are up to speed about what’s been happening at Rancho Bizarro lately but for those who are not––since January 1, I’m only writing and drawing the Sunday cartoons and my good friend and longtime collaborator, Wayno, is drawing the Monday through Saturday cartoons. We sometimes collaborate on the concepts for the weekday gags, but Wayno’s doing the heavy lifting (of pencils, pens, kneaded erasers, glasses of wine, etc.) With a little practice, you should be able to tell the difference between our drawing styles and our signatures. (Hint: his signature starts with a “W”)

So the cartoon and title panels above are by which artist? That’s right, me. You can tell because the cartoon is drawn in my style and it has only my signature, and the title panel is a photo of me when I first arrived on this planet.

I recommend embiggenating this cartoon so you can enjoy a better view of the visual aspect of the punch line, and also avail yourself of a small chuckle by reading the title of the pamphlet on his desk.

Let’s jump back in time to last Monday’s cartoon now, shall we? (Hint: Yes, we shall.)

To continue the quiz, which of us did this cartoon about the soon-to-be-dead cat? One clue is that I typically draw cats a little more realistically (see here) whereas Wayno tends to have more of a retro cartoon style.  Regarding the signature, you’ll see that my signature does, in fact, appear here but it is beneath one that starts with a “W”. That’s because, for legal reasons, my name needs to be on there because I originated Bizarro, but since Wayno’s is on top, it signals that this is one that he drew.

If you got that correct, give yourself 11 points. If you’re wearing a poncho or a fireman’s helmet, give yourself 8 more points just for beating the odds that you’d be wearing either of the things I randomly thought of off the top of my head just now.

Many people have trouble believing that old-timey humans could have done some of the amazing things they are credited with––like building huge pyramids and other wonders of the ancient world––so they insert into the story more intelligent and advanced visitors from outer space to spearhead the project. What they don’t explain is why a civilization sufficiently advanced to travel here from light years away would waste their contact with us on teaching us to build relatively useless faux hills.

If you believe aliens from outer space had something to do with ancient building projects here on Earth, deduct 327 points from your score.

Over on Wayno’s blog today, he claims that this cartoon was the result of a prop department difficulty.

Talking paper clips are the kind of thing you don’t get from less bizarre cartoon features like Dennis the Menace or Family Circus. We’re proud of that here at Rancho Bizarro in central Mexico, where I live and work, and also at Bizarro Studios North, where Wayno works in a secret, underground bunker in Pittsburgh. Were it not for the magic of the Interwebs, we’d have to be in the same geographical location to collaborate or rely on more intelligent and advanced visitors from outer space to communicate for us. But then, our cartoons might just be big, pointy piles of rocks such as those mentioned above.

I don’t know what kind of microwave Wayno has but I need to nuke my pizza bagels for more like 210,000 milliseconds. Of course, at high altitude, you need a bit more time on the microwave and I live at 1,981,200 millimeters.

And for you science nerds, we’ve already been told numerous times that “deciliters” is a liquid measurement so you wouldn’t use that for sugar. If that bothers you, write “sweetener” on a post-it note and paste it over the word “sugar” on your screen. Then award yourself 13 and a half points for being a science smartypants.

Now that we all live and die by the World Wide Junior High (the Internet) nothing matters as much as likes.

I attended a fundamentalist Christian church in Oklahoma for a few years when I was a teen and they actually used to preach against letting your children play with Ouija Boards because the Devil could use the messages to control them. I am completely serious.

Sane people often wonder how fundamentalist Christians could bring themselves to vote for such an obviously immoral trash sack like Tiny Hands, but when you live in a fantasy world of fear and ignorance, you can convince yourself of anything. Or maybe Ouija Boards told them to vote for the Devil. Who knows?

That’s the roundup for this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for trotting alongside the motorcade. Below are some links you may find interesting, such as Wayno’s social media feeds and a few ways you can help support our efforts here at Rancho Bizarro. Until next week, be smart, be happy, be nice, and resisit fascism and ingorance.

Wayno: Weekly blogTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: My coloring bookMy tip jarMy storeSigned, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon artMy Instagram My Twitter



36 thoughts on “Scalp Art

  1. You live at approx. 6600 ft altitude. Therefore, you are always ‘high’!—– (Just like those who live in Colorado.) Ha, ha!

  2. 👁 The weird thing about Ouija boards is that they’re not some ancient mumbo-jumbo secret handed down from space aliens who visited in the distant past or anything. They have a known, well-documented, and mundane history, manufactured as a toy to pretend to have a seance with. It’s like thinking Monopoly money will buy you real estate.

    To develop a superstition over something with no mystery, and then a counter-superstition against it, seems less rational than usual to me.

    • Agreed, Jym. But when has there ever been a moment in history when humans were not ready to jump headlong into a new superstition? :^}

      • Well, these things aren’t actually random. There are structures and patterns for superstition and magic: Always people are trying to control things that are important to them, but which are defiant of human control. “Contacting the dead” is the second¹ most popular goal in such “popular” rituals and superstition — even if they can’t reach their own loved ones, a fair number of people are desperate just to prove there’s something beyond that gate into the unknown.

        ¹ The first, of course, being love and/or sex.

  3. Re: the nerd thing. At least in recipes, liquid measurements are routinely used for granular stuff, e.g. 70 ml of flour, and so on. Admittedly, you would probably not do that in a lab. And you’ll say “sucrose” instead of “sugar.”
    And nerds who nitpick surreal cartoons need to get a life.

  4. The gags are funny but I miss the original art.
    I dont begrudge you your retirement , Dan; but to me, Bizarro is you.

    And nothing against, Wayno. He’s funny.

    Best wishes

  5. Linda and I thought that the “scalp art” should be called “pain in the neck!” Plus, when the fellow was looking at his feet to “put his best face forward” he would be constantly bumping into things – or placing himself in perilous situations….. You may recall that Microsoft used to have a really annoying talking paperclip that would provide corrections when you made mistakes using Microsoft Office software…. I used to work in labs like the ones shown in “Lunch at the Lab.” I’ll let you in on a secret – during lunch, scientists and engineers talk just like non-scientists and non-engineers! ….How about them Cowboys!

  6. Two things…
    1. “decilitres” is a metric unit of volume, and it is not inappropriate for dry measurements, but millilitres (ml) is far more common.
    2. I thought “Bizarro” was spelled with two ‘R’s…

  7. Fundamentalist church in Oklahoma…? Hmmmm sounds Very Familiar… as were the teachings of the Devil speaking through ouija boards etc.

    So… I have long seen a resemblance in your style and that of the late great artist Basil Wolverton. Is there a connection??

    • I’m aware of his work but haven’t ever thought of him as an influence. I was influenced by the inking style of underground cartoonists of the 60s, of which he was a part, so I can understand the similarities you see. My primary influence early on was B. Kliban. A quick google search of his cartoons and you will probably see the influence.

  8. For some reason, my biggest laugh was imagining you sending Wayno the script for his first day. “Welcome aboard! Please draw a crowd of Grim Reapers, but they’re cats. (You’re good at making black cloth surfaces appear distinctly against each other, right?)”

      • Yes, the crowd of Reapers was self-inflicted.

        Dan gave me some great advice on inking thIs one. We not only bounce gag ideas back and forth, but also thoughts about the art itself, and how best to deliver the gag. I always learn something from our conversations (and from comments from thoughtful readers, too.)

        I am dreading the day when Dan says, “I have an idea for a cartoon that includes a crowd of bicyclists.”

  9. I wonder where does the “nine lives” thing come from. A couple of feral kittens and their mom took to hang out after my wife pitied them and fed them. I told the wife not to make friends with them and sure enough one of the kittens was run over by a car ’bout a week after that. Curiously another cat was run over on the same spot three days later.

    • In most environments, cats are pretty survivable — agile and alert, and armed to defend themselves against rather larger predators. The “cats always land on their feet” thing showcases their abilities — they do need a few feet of falling distance, but they really can can twist around in midair to get right side up.

      Autos on the other hand, are “unfair” — too fast to naturally judge their distance and speed, erratic behavior without any signal or purpose that a cat could understand, and they give no warning of attack — just “I’m way down the street… and now Zoom, I’m here! Hi, you’re dead!”. If only they would hiss or bark or something before they decided to kill you… ;-)

  10. My first ex-wife got me at 12 or 13 with the Ouiji Board. What she didn’t find out is that I’d dump her and become a Squeegee Operator or window cleaner later in my youth.

  11. Heh — for the baldness one it took me multiple viewings to notice that the salesman is also a client! Well, at least he’s showing the potential customer what he’s in for… but I’ve gotta wonder why the salesman would have his extra face (paging Zaphod Beeblebrox!) drawn with his mouth hanging open…. ;-)

    And the procedure may be safe, but walking around like that… maybe not.

  12. Regarding the male-pattern baldness humor, don’t think that we don’t pay attention. I saw that cartoon Sunday, went to my office bulletin board the next day, and removed the cartoon from with a 1996 date on it that is, more or less, identical. The caption is exactly the same (once you substitute an ampersand for the word “and” and the drawing has only a few subtle changes. Good recycling!
    We also have cartoons from 5/14/01 and 8/28/05 with the same gag in a slightly different form. I must be a fan.

  13. “…90,022 miliseconds….” Ugh! No scientist talks like this. We say, “Hit the 30 second button maybe 3 times.” Experimental science means huge variance and lots of ambiguity.

    And most physicists I know do not find “Big Bang Theory” funny.

  14. I see banks of child like blobs sitting (lying?) in rows of windows aiming toward a central object in the center of a large room. The childlike things are somehow plugged into this thing through a keyboard of sorts analyzing brain waves coming in and out as the human brain is still the most perfect thought processing unit ever devised. In this time of human history these “child brains with no need of movable body parts are simply doing the job they were born (created) for,”data processing”. They are fed through tubes of nourishment, and emptied the same way. The future of evolution is dark and gloomy, yet necessary for the survival of mankind. silicon is no longer pure enough to process rational thought. These baby brains are taught to create pure perfect rational answers to complex emotional problems facing the existence and future well being of the human race. This future is only as far away as antiquated and moral laws will allow. In the next hundred years or so, religion will play no role in the scientific community which will create a purely rationally scientific answer to the answers we seek as humans.When a “god” is left out, a purely human rationality can begin to explain the past present and future of human life on planet Earth. WE ARE THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THE QUESTIONS. And the answers are in each and every one of us and will eventually be revealed. Science Fiction is not Fiction at all. I only wish I could live long enough to see what happens when we let reality rule. Good Luck fellow Humans!

Leave a Reply to John in Tronna Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.