(Be ye desirous of embiggenation, clicketh upon yon psychos henceforth.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Awkward First Dates.

I confess I’ve not actually seen the movie I referenced in this cartoon. I’ve long been fascinated by the imagery but haven’t the foggiest idea how a guy with 12 lbs. of blades growing out of his hands is explained in the movie. Since my joke is mostly just a satire of his name, it probably doesn’t matter if you’ve seen it or not.

I got a big kick out of drawing these freaky characters, as well as the vintage-looking panel truck. I’ve always wanted an old commercial truck like that but have never gotten around to making it happen. Nor will I. For most of my life, I’ve had a mental list of things I would have if I was rich. Since I’ve never gotten rich and my prospects of doing so are getting slimmer by the day, I’ll never know how many of the things on that list I would have actually procured. I’d likely have picked up a few vintage motorcycles and maybe a stereotypical hotrod from the 50s and 60s, but other than that, probably not much. I just don’t have a collector’s mentality.

The rest of the cartoons from the week are Wayno’s with varying amounts of collaboration with me.

I love this “NoLoft” gag, which was Wayno’s idea. I remember making some suggestion about the exact wording but can’t remember what now. I took Zoloft for around 20 years but, I’m happy to say, am now living free of all prescription drugs. In the end, I beat my depression, anxiety, and irritability with a combination of meditation, cannabis, and a conscious effort to ignore negative thoughts and replace them with thoughts of gratitude. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works and I’ve been living relatively symptom-free for a couple of years now.

I’m an avid reader as an adult but I didn’t start that habit until I was in my early 20s. As a kid, if I wasn’t outside, I was drawing or painting and had almost no interest in reading whatsoever. I would buy comic books, but only to look at the art and improve my superhero drawing skills. I never cared a whit about the storylines. I do seem to recall, however, one called The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Rockstar Sleepover, but I might just be confusing it with news stories about Michael Jackson.

There was some discussion about whether the therapist should be wearing a vest or a sweater or a sweater vest, but we couldn’t decide so Wayno just drew him with a suit.

When I was a kid, I had one of those green things he’s holding in his hand. Not the toy periscope thing that the captain is holding, the bottle of rum that the other pirate is holding. It was one of my very favorite toys because it made all of my other toys seem more interesting.

This particular biological feature of Frankenstein’s monster is also very handy (literally) when he needs to scratch the middle of his back or punch someone who is just out of reach. On a side note, I like that Wayno drew him wearing one of those shirts that The Beach Boys used to wear.

Thanks to the efforts of NASA, we now know that Atlas is not holding up the Earth. Unless, of course, NASA just photoshopped him out of all the pics and videos. Which would be just like them.

That’s this week’s roundup, Jazz Pickles. I’m actually writing this from an undisclosed location while I’m on a long-overdue vacation, just so you know how much I care. Hope you enjoyed it. I highly recommend you check out Wayno’s social media stuff, including his weekly blog roundup featuring his take on this week’s cartoons.

Wayno: Weekly blogTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: My coloring bookMy tip jarMy storeSigned, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon artMy Instagram My Twitter

See you around the kartoon kastle, kids.


34 thoughts on “Trimmings

    • Awesomely accurate depiction of a 50’s/early 60’s International Harvester Metro delivery van – I am impressed. You must either have worked from a photo or actually owned one (I drove one as my main “commuter” for a decade – simpler days, and cheaper gas!)

  1. No-Loft! Not-so-Hardy Boys! Decision making!? Frankenstein! And Atlas!! I do adore Atlas. Thanks for another fine week of silliness. We all need it.

  2. My fav was the creativity around Wayno’s pirate. Well done on all of them though. Another funny week. And we all need a little funny. Thanks!

  3. I am checking off one item on my list;I’m getting a pair of very well-cared for Dynaco A-25 speakers at the end of the month.

    Can’t turn them up too loud or they start to distort; not as efficient as a lot of others of that era; cost twice to three times the original price. They make up for all those shortcomings with rich, detailed music, and a speaker that plays nice with most any competent subwoofers. My PB-2000 ought to fit the bill just fine, and at $200/shipped, I’m already thrilled waiting on them to arrive.

  4. “Edward Scissorhands” is a very sweet movie with plenty of balmy characters. And yes, his hands are a big problem but nicely resolved at the end. Recommended when you are feeling mellow. Thanks for some great wordplay in the terrific cartoons.

  5. You didn’t miss much by not reading the Hardy Boys. So formulaic that if you had read one you would have read them all, except that every couple of decades they’d hire a new “Franklin W. Dixon” to modernize the stories.

  6. I also struggle with decision-making, especially when it comes to getting dressed in the morning. I am surprised that I haven’t looked like the guy on the couch, with different clothing and different shoes and socks. I am female, though my husband sometimes has trouble deciding what to wear as well. I have now simplified my work wardrobe to black slacks every day and the choice of several different tops. I have three pairs of shoes to pick from. That is all.

  7. Edgar Scissor Hands is just a modern day take on Frankenstein but his creator never had a chance to finish him before he died

  8. There is a little known story about Atlas.
    Long ago he willingly supported the weight of the Earth on his shoulders despite the icy cold of the South Pole on the back of his neck and his hands constantly immersed in the oceans.
    As long as the people believed in his efforts to keep the Earth from plunging into the abyss he was happy to do his part.
    When, as time passed and the people’s faith began to falter and their memories began to dim, Atlas found he grew weary, for his work was no longer appreciated.
    The day finally came when he, not without deep reflection, decided that he was no longer needed. With a great sigh he stepped out from under the Earth and stood erect for the first time in ages.
    He was later asked what was his first reaction to his letting go of the Earth. After a long pause he said that he was astounded at what happened next. When asked what that was, his eyes seemed to focus on some distant, unknown vista and he was recorded as saying, “Nothing . . . absolutely nothing,” before turning and walking heavily away.

  9. I almost got lost among those Hot Rods from the 50s and 60s! That was a great page!! Lots of 32 and 34 3 window and 4 window Coupes!!
    Another great week of Wayno comics!! And of course your as well!!

  10. damn fine….. just….. damn fine…… these all made me laugh out loud, which usually doesn’t happen, but i am reading the newest david sedaris book and everything is just a little bit funnier….. or it is knowing the world’s largest prozac pill is in indianapolis…… just knowing this makes the noloft gag funnier…. the blog is awesome, so thanks for continuing it….. it is like hearing the letters of van gogh being read to me while looking at his artwork…. will done van piraro and van wayno!!!!

    by the by, my “some sports team” order should be arriving soon….. i am so happy i could spit…..

  11. Edward Scissorhands, probably available on youtube if not netflix, if you do dat sorta ting…. Please tell us where you WERE on vacation when you get back… And please, buddy boy, don’t keep a list of things. We de-accessed just about everything when we left crazyland for the Philippines, including all suits and sport coats, ALL my ties, 95% of the other clothes, our cars, all the art, and, unfortunately, our two Bizarro cartoons. And the only thing we miss are a few kitchen tools and the two Bizarro’s.

  12. Thank you both for the clever visual puns. As a former NASA employee, one of the rebuttals to the claim in this blog that Atlas was “Photoshopped” out of each frame depicting the Earth is that Photoshop was not even invented when the first image of the Earth in space was captured. :-) Please keep up the good work. Linda and I look forward to seeing more of your very-detailed painting.

  13. Not long after Edward Scissorhands came out, a porn movie by the name of Edward Penishands hit the shelves. I saw neither of them, but one wonders how you and/or Wayno could extrapolate that into a cartoon.

  14. It just dawned on me how much like a wolf’s grin the piece of pie looks. Intriguing…

    And I’m surprised you didn’t make the rear pirate’s peg leg into the stick of dynamite.

    I agree with you about the pharmaceuticals. Awful stuff.

  15. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve moved to Mexico and outsourcing your comics (some of them anyway) to an American! Thanks for going against the flow.
    Simply cannot tell you how much I enjoy the comics and commentary.

  16. I’m a little relieved to find out that the winner of the best panel cartoon is not rich…now I can rest in the peace of my failure to crack into the mainstream cartoon world…I have worked hard for five years to come up with something new everyday for my blog and still feel lost for a definite style or format…I just like to make people laugh and think…so thank you and Wayno for setting a standard we losers can look up to…So now I figure that if I can get a cartoon in the New Yorker, then I can go ahead and cry success…!!!

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