Batmen

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(Just as with actual therapy, you can embiggenate this scene by clicking the shrink’s pipe.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Glamour of Hollywood.

Tonight is the 90th Acadamy Awards and this seems an appropriate cartoon for the occasion. Batman has been played by many actors over the years but here we are finally given a glimpse of the toll that how being inhabited by so many personalities has taken on him.

But at least his personalities behave more-or-less the same and are therefore more predictable. Most people with multiple personality disorder have to deal with vastly different types of personalities that pull them in drastically different directions: male, female, adult, child, honest, criminal, peaceful, violent, mensch, hell raiser, etc.  I learned all of this from a TV series that used to be on Showtime called United States of Tara, and TV wouldn’t lie.

Before we check out what Wayno was up to this week, here are a couple bits of hate mail I received this week that I thought you might find entertaining.

I posted the following cartoon on FB and Instagram on “Throwback Thursday,” which is one of those meaningless hashtags that gives people an excuse to spend more time on the Internet instead of living their actual lives.

It was a popular post by Bizarro standards and the vast majority of people understood what I was getting at and left positive responses. I got a quite a few comments like this one, however:

“You know depression is an actual mental disorder that doesn’t fucking show up from technology and doesn’t go away if you go back to nature or some shit but yeah just say this garbage. Antidepressants can be abused but for some people they’re the best method of treatment.”

My response: “I have been chronically depressed since I was 18 years old and spent over 19 years on antidepressants. Humor is one of the things that keeps people like me from jumping off a bridge. I’ve found that laughing at yourself is much more beneficial than crying victim.”

Not the perfect response, granted, but my point is that having a sense of humor about your problems goes a lot further than screaming that you’re a victim every time someone says or does something that doesn’t perfectly validate your worldview. Plus, the cartoon is not saying “technology” per se is the problem. It’s the unnatural mess we’ve made of the modern world that these explorers are exposing the jungle inhabitant to and that’s enough to depress anyone.

On a side note, researchers are finding that excessive time spent with electronic devices at the expense of human interaction decrease one’s sense of happiness. Researchers have also found that time spent in nature increases one’s serotonin. I have personally found these things to be true for me. So, yes, technology is part of the problem after all.

Another bit of hate mail came in from an old FB post of the following cartoon.

The comment I refer to was this: “By all means, let’s let them rape and behead us, and then make sure to thank them. Because we wouldn’t want to hassle them. For fucksake ”   (lack of punctuation is his)

My response: “You make a lot of sense. If you’ll let me know your ethnicity and your religious beliefs, I’ll be happy to persecute you based on crimes committed by people of a similar background. ‘For fucksake,’ of course.”

I don’t need to explain this to people capable of understanding it. As long as there are fear-based bigots in the world and folks like the Russians and Fox News Channel to feed them fake news about how we need big guns and authoritarian daddy figures to protect us, this problem will not go away.

Now let’s see what Wayno was up to this week…

Russians who are engaged in activities other than swaying American elections to favor the Kremlin are always funny.

By the way, Wayno assured me that this parking attendant is wearing woolen tights and a flannel dance belt because the weather in Moscow can turn a ballerino into a ballerina alarmingly quickly. On his blog post this week, he includes a rough sketch of this cartoon and some info about where he originally wanted to go with it but didn’t and why. A link to his blog is at the bottom of this post.

This is one of the very few situations in which you can pay a relative stranger to insert their finger into your rectum without breaking any laws. “He told me he was an internist, officer. Honest!”

Here’s a sketch for a prostate exam cartoon of mine that was too racy for newspapers so it was rejected for print. This is the first time it has ever been seen by the public!!

We submitted this cartoon many weeks ago, long before the latest school massacre in Florida, but it became an accidentally timely comic considering the heroic protests that teenagers all over America have been engaged in against the irrational and fearful proponents of nearly unregulated gun sales. Let’s call the cowards in the NRA what they are: scaredy cats with masculinity issues. And let’s call the politicians in their pockets what they are: greedy assholes who care more about power and money than keeping their countrymen safe. (Of course, that also perfectly describes the Cheeto in Chief so I don’t expect meaningful changes anytime soon.)

More importantly, why is the U.S. the only country where this routinely happens? Until we answer this question, even gun control won’t stop it.

I carry my own blood everywhere I go in my handy, portable, temperature-controlled blood bag. I call it my body.

If flies played teeny-tiny tennis on my food preparation surfaces, I might let them stay. But since they don’t, I just kill them. I don’t kill everything that touches my food preparation surfaces, but it’s better to ask first just to be on the safe side.

This is the second time in ten days that Waldo has appeared in Bizarro and on Wayno’s blog post this week he discusses the behind-the-scenes-professional-cartoonist insider info that explains how that happened. The link to his blog post for this week is below.

Thanks so much for joining us this week, Jazz Pickles! Please check out a few of the links below that help support our cartooning efforts. We at Rancho Bizarro will toast you with one of our hourly, ceremonial tequila shots.

Until next week––be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist ignorance and fascism.

Wayno: Weekly blogTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: Bizarro shop (enamel pins, a Hello Shitty shirt and more!)  Bizarro tip jar Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art Piraro Instagram  Piraro Twitter Piraro coloring book

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35 thoughts on “Batmen

      • Dan;
        I loved your Batman from yesterday and would love to buy the original from you to add to my extensive Batman collection.
        Best,
        Dave

        • Thanks for your note, Dave! Unfortunately, there is no original art on that cartoon because in 2012 I began drawing my cartoons entirely on computer. The versatility and convenience in the face of unrelenting deadlines were too good to resist. Options I am able to offer are these: I have a handful of older Batman cartoons that were drawn the old-fashioned way (ink on bristol); I can do a Batman-themed sketchcard for you; you can get a nice color print from my Bizarro home page by using the calendar link below the main image to scroll back to last Sunday, then when you see the cartoon you want, click “Buy Prints” link below.

  1. I’m going to steal, “You make a lot of sense. If you’ll let me know your ethnicity and your religious beliefs, I’ll be happy to persecute you based on crimes committed by people of a similar background.” Good answer! I’ll leave out the fucksake, however. But for the record, that is one word.

    Loving Wayne’s collaborations, very funny! All very good for depression caused by current events.

  2. “sturdy, utilitarian, gray sedan”
    I’m pretty sure our good ‘comrade’ is going to have to narrow that down a bit more.

  3. Yes, I just HAD to open the link to the NSFW additional artwork. Now that I caught my breath after coughing up my left lung in laughter, I just gotta say… 42. Very funny, sir, and thanks!

    • I similarly left a lung lying on the kitchen floor after reading the NSFW item – I can’t help thinking there’s a “when I grow up I wanna be a magician” type gag there somewhere….

  4. At first, my phone hid the right-most third of the psychotherapist cartoon, so I couldn’t see Batman huddled on the floor. I thought it was pretty funny that way, too: a therapist hallucinating a multiple personality patient.

  5. Received my set of 4 pins this week. Nice to see a handwritten message on the back of the card that held my fave, the bunny. I guess it was one of your daughters who wrote it. Really nice personal touch! The pins are all beautiful – looking forward to the next in the series.
    One day I hope I can purchase one of your fine art pieces, too. I love the surreal in art, as disturbing as it can be when it manifests in reality.

    • Thanks so much, Roxi, for your purchase and your report. So happy to hear you like the quality. And yes, that would have been Krapuzar who scribbled a note to you. :^}

  6. Great show this week. The Freedom From Religion Foundation, on my Facebook feed, has a weekly spot that posts all of their hate mail from the previous week. If you have the time… It is hilarious, too.
    Thanks to you and Wayno for brightening my day!

  7. I look forward to these posts every week. For us art technique nerds, do you ever write about your process and materials?

    • I haven’t done that very much because I figure most people don’t care but I’m always willing to answer questions. You can send me a private FB message if you want to ask me anything.

  8. I wanted to leave a comment on how ridiculously accurate the comic of technology and depression is to me personally but was terrified of the savage backlash from others. Reading what some had to say about it was depressing, hence, I guess they missed the point entirely. It leaves me wondering however, since “opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one”, just how many assholes one person can anatomically have.

  9. The rejected prostate gag is great! I wish you’d complete it.
    In fact, It’d be a really great book if you’d publish one of all “unfit for the newspaper” cartoons.

    • I’ve thought about that but my joke-load has been so burdensome over the years that I’ve not bothered to write enough adult jokes (because I know I can’t publish them in the paper) to fill a book.

  10. Thank you, Dan, for the wonderful and thought provoking cartoons you always provide.

    Some people will go put of their way to not understand the simplest things just to be obtuse. Keep up the great work and don’t let the Turkeys get you down.

    (But I do believe it’s “Cheeto in Chief” when referring to His Nibs, The Dongle, er, Domble, er, Donwad, er…well, you know.) ;-)

    • How strange that my neither my spell check nor “Grammarly” program caught that typo. Thanks for pointing it out, I fixed it. :^}

  11. Dear Sir: Please know that I am all thumbs. Also, please know that all my thumbs are up for your work. Don’t let the humorless fuckwits get you down.

  12. Just wanted to say, as someone who has struggled with depression for most of my adult life, that cartoons were my antidepressants before the drugs came along. Just saying.

  13. Dan,

    There is a city Called Batman. It is in Turkey. I took a picture of it on the departing flights when we were in Istanbul. May I send it to you and how?

  14. Hey Mr P, as Mr Atkin stated above, a particularly good set of toons. I always enjoy your hate mail too, as one of the true joys in life is reading angry mail from people who religiously read the cartoonists / columnists that they hate and gets them all worked up (ever read Mark Morford on the sfgate??).. I’m also pretty fed up with the NEED of americans to be ABSOLUTELY POLITICALLY CORRECT…, One reason i moved 7000 miles away from Country Chaos.. Maybe you did too (leave the US), or is that assuming too much ??? Stay well …

    • I’m in central Mexico these days, Ed, and have been for a little over a year. We like it a lot. It’s surreal and unpredictable and it doesn’t have the toxicity that the U.S. has. That country will be the death of us all eventually. (I hope I’m wrong but see very little evidence to the contrary.)

  15. That is so fantastic to hear! I know you trust Wayno completely and I trust your judgement(you got me to read Watson and Jimmy is totally awesome too). People have asked if I thought you would ever come back full time to Bizarro (like I would know) and I just tell them the same thing you had said when you said that after 33 years, you were letting Wayno take over so you could pursue your first passion, creating Fine Art. Wayno has also mentioned to me how his backgrounds are free of any content whereas yours always has something in them plus great places to hide your Secret Symbols! I will tell the ArcaMax readers what you have said. I know they will be very happy to be able to make up their poems and stories again using your Symbols! Have a great week!! See you next Sunday!!

  16. Thank you for “Beware of Dog.” These jabs are a wonderful respite from ignorance and stupidity. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his noodly appendage!

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