Bacon in the Sun

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(To begin the embiggenation you crave, click any pig’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by No One Is Immune To Internet Ratings.

At first, this seems like a very dangerous situation for Señor Cerdo, because there are a lot of humans who cannot resist the smell of cooking pig. But fear not; Señor Cerdo is nobody’s fool––he and his esposa patronize exclusively swine-only beaches and they always make it back home with their bacon bits intact.

And what the hell was Wayno up to last week, you may ask. Let’s find out…

I’ve been to a handful of therapists of different sorts over the years and received a lot of benefit from it. One thing I’ve learned about the sort of name-calling that the shrink in this cartoon has resorted to is that sticks and stones may break your bones, but invisible clients will steal your unicorn. (No, you’re delusional.)

Over on Wayno’s weekly blog, he posts a couple of sketches of completely different scenarios that this gag went through before we arrived at the final version you see above. The URL for his blog is at the end of this post, so don’t miss it!

On a related note, if you type “gumball” in Mac Mail, it will autocorrect to “gumboil”. How is “gumball” not officially a single word but “gumboil” is? On the bright side, gumboils are not sold in grocery store vending machines.

As a surrealist myself, I can say that my beer often resides only in the reflection of the bar. At least, that’s the way it looks from behind the floating fruit that blocks most of my vision.

Not that you asked, but you can view my surrealist art, much of it in various stages of progress, on Instagram here: @diegopiraro

I was on a jury once in a civil case in Texas. Six of us were asked to decide if a person in a car accident should be awarded money from the driver of the other car involved. After a short trial of a couple of hours, the facts were clear; the person who instigated the suit was lying. Neither car was damaged and no doctor appeared to testify on behalf of the plaintiff’s claims that his neck was injured from whiplash. He did, however, testify that another car tapped his car from behind in bumper-to-bumper morning rush hour traffic; he had a brief conversation with the other driver; they exchanged contact info and he drove on to work. Later that morning, he called his wife and told her about the accident. She told him to call a lawyer immediately. He did and the lawyer told him to call a clinic called “Whiplash Chiropractic” and get examined. The chiropractor from this auspiciously-named business was his only witness and admitted upon questioning that he had worked with the plaintiff’s lawyer dozens of times.

In the deliberation room, a quick conversation revealed that all six of us saw it the same way; there was nothing wrong with the man or his car, he just wanted some free money. However, four of the six of us wanted to find for the plaintiff and award him that money! I was not among them.

Their explanations of why they wanted to award money to a liar were slightly different but in the end, they were all imagining that a payday like this would come to them someday. I remember one of them saying, “When you make a mistake, you’ve got to pay.” 

The one other juror who did not want to award him any money and I spent nearly four hours convincing them that this kind of fraud (and attitude) is one of the things that makes insurance rates (of many kinds) so high in the U.S. and causes who-knows-how-many other social and legal problems. Plus, we then have to live in the community that we have been encouraging as jurors to be institutionally dishonest. Some agreed quickly, others held out until they were just tired and wanted to go home and they gave in.  People who don’t stand for much tend not to stand for long. We eventually awarded the man nothing.

That’s my jury story. It makes me a little sick every time I tell it.

Remember the old days? Well, that’s where this 2007 cartoon of mine is from!

One good thing about Donutman is that he is a positive role model for folks with big bellies. He’s also a roll model for anyone wanting to make rolls that look like donuts for some reason.

I picked up a woman in a bar once who had a snake in an unexpected place, but it was anything but charming. And for those of you whose minds are in the gutter right now, the unexpected snake was not idiomatic and was in her purse.

Little-known Godzilla trivia: After he decided he was atheist, he insisted on being called Nothingzilla. Rodan took up sculpture and changed his name to Rodin. Mothra gave birth and changed her name to Mothar. (I don’t know the names of any other Japanese movie monsters.)

That’s the story this week, Jazz Pickles. Please have a grand and groovy week after a quick glance at the links below, some of which help us keep the campfires burning at Rancho Bizarro. 

Until my next post, be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist ignorance and fascism.

Wayno: Weekly blogTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: Bizarro shop (enamel pins, a Hello Shitty shirt and more!)  … Bizarro tip jar  …Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  …Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  …Piraro Fine Art on Instagram Piraro Twitter … Piraro coloring book

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13 thoughts on “Bacon in the Sun

  1. I’m glad you and the other juror were able to persuade your fellow jurors to award the plaintiff nothing.

    30 years ago, I was a juror on a civil case, a 6-week trial of a long-going dispute about “did a property pass a perc (percolation) test” (Note-the test was later determined to be fraudulent). The plaintiffs tried to hang everything on a real estate broker who owned the property for six months, rather than on the developers who subdivided the lots to begin with, and wanted huge sums of money. (We found out after the trial that the plaintiffs had settled with the developers for a lot of money). Fortunately, all of us jurors saw through their stories and decided to award a very small percentage of what they asked for.

  2. I had the experience of being on a federal jury for a civil case where an old woman had sold her house to a young couple, and the couple came back with the accusation that the woman did not supply to them the required government warning notice that the house may contain lead paint. It was a very old house, as is typical here in New England and anyone with half a brain would have immediately assumed that a house of this age would be loaded with it. But the law doesn’t assume and it requires the seller to supply the government’s pamphlet on the danger before the sale is made. If we had found in the couple’s favor the woman would have owed them considerably more than what she received for selling the house.

    It ended up being a she said/they said situation, but fortunately it was pretty easy for all of us to decide who was the most credible witness. Just to be clear, we did not believe the couple.

  3. Hmmmmm re pigs on beach. I rather doubt roasting pig would be an attractive odour to another pig. Maybe try caption: “Arthur, I love you more as a pig than a ham. Turn over.”

  4. Yes I too was once a juror on a murder trial – but up here in Canada it is illegal to talk about the goings-on of the jury. So I can’t say nuthin’ – except the jury finds Bizarro +Wayno *GUILTY* of some excellent work this week!

  5. I am currently doing jury duty — a dozen or so dates where I have to call in the evening to see if I should go to the courthouse the next morning, then see if I get selected for the jury. The catch is my period includes some of the trials related to the national news emerging from my town last year….

    For the first one, I was one of 120 (!) people called in, and had to hang out for 6 hours while they picked a 12-person jury (plus an alternate). The other appointments have gone much more swiftly — for one, I was actually picked for the initial cut, but rejected for having neck problems. (They were just setting damages for an auto accident.) Today’s trial got canceled. Two more calls left, but they’re 2 and 3 day slots, so probably more big-ruckus fallout.

    • Sounds awful. For some reason, I’ve always been a jury magnet. When I lived in Texas, almost nobody I knew had been called for jury duty, but I was called 8 times in 15 years. Only made it onto one jury. In NYC, I got called up five times in 9 years. WTF? In Los Angeles, 3 times in five years. I like a lot of things about living in Mexico but close to the top of the list is no more jury duty!

    • I was chosen as the alternate juror once, (doesn’t “The Thirteenth Juror” sound like a great Agatha Christie novel?) and got to sit through 3 days of testimony, busily taking notes and trying to pay attention to everything, and then I got dismissed when the jury was sent to deliberate. I was so disappointed!

  6. Today’s Comic – speaks to the times / Life Imitates Art – except McDonalds is now having customers come in and use their text-driven screens to order – right next to the usual line of people using their mouths.

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