Close Shave

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(Make your day largerized by embiggenating the following cartoon with a click to the executioner’s belly.)

A few commenters admonished me about the above cartoon because “beheadings are no laughing matter.” Then I got some comments about sensitive skin being no laughing matter, and one about big, hairy, shirtless men in leotards being no laughing matter. I totally agree with that last one.

What did my partner, Wayno pull out of his cartoon hat last week? Let’s find out…

If you’re planning to visit England, keep in mind that “chips” are French fries, a “bonnet” is the hood of a car, and those bite marks on your neck are going to make you nocturnal for eternity.

Also, British vampires are no smarter than American ones, it’s just their accents that make them seem that way.

The funniest thing about clown funerals is when they reveal there are actually 15 clowns in the casket. And, by the way, funerals are no laughing matter.

I’ve no longer got a full, thick head of hair but I’m glad I don’t have monk-pattern baldness. I do, however, sometimes run local errands in a bathrobe tied at the waist with a rope. If people look at me funny, I pull a feather and a piece of parchment out of my pocket, wag my head as though I’m exasperated, jot something down and walk away.

A word to the wise; never enter a ride called the “Tunnel of Homemade Sausage.” Just saying.

If humans were like dogs, we wouldn’t be able to pass a public restroom without popping inside to sniff around. And keeping a pet cat would be like having your own personal snack machine.

And Daddy isn’t allowed to urinate from a standing position because it reminds Mommy of her poor aim. What fun household rules does your family have?

That’s the rundown for this week, Jazz Pickles. Please have a glance at some of our links below that help to keep the campfires burning at Rancho Bizarro. And don’t forget to pop over and see what Wayno had to say about this week’s offerings! 

Until my next post, be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist ignorance and fascism.

Wayno: Weekly blogTwitterInstagramWaynoVision

Piraro: Bizarro shop (enamel pins, a Hello Shitty shirt and more!)  … Bizarro tip jar  …Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  …Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  …Piraro Fine Art on Instagram Piraro Twitter … Piraro coloring book

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23 thoughts on “Close Shave

  1. Great comics as always!! I was sad that you didn’t get a chance to make it for the Reuben’s. I enjoyed seeing Jimmy Ho’s pictures, but I missed you and your beloved Olive Oyl!
    Have a great week!!
    Pat

  2. Q) Do you know how FAST those old guillotines operated ?

    A) Break-neck speed.

    PS I like the hidden “crown” in the Brit panel

  3. Do I espy a new icon [secret symbol] in the Friday [5/25] cartoon?
    [The one with the 2 dogs.]
    To wit — the decapitated cabeza of Dan P. in the corner of the window?
    Actually, just the mustache would work as a nod to a unique talent.
    Is there a … disconnection … with the Sunday [5/27] guillotine scene?
    I will be looking for more Piraro images — even if just of the lip hair.

    • It’s not officially a new symbol but Wayno tossed it in there as a nod to me. Which made me smile, of course. :^}

  4. hey Dan, was “political correctness” a reason why you’re south of the border ?? Was part of the reason, we’re 7000 miles away…..

    • There were lots of reasons for us; U.S. real estate is too expensive, the political atmosphere is poisonous, corporations and a handful of rich assholes control everything, materialism is out of control, an entire broadcast empire is dedicated to lying to their enormous audience and convincing them to give even more power to corporations and the rich, Republican gerrymandering, racism, etc. I’m over it. I will say that political correctness is my least favorite thing about we liberals. It’s a nice idea to encourage people to be kind to each other but as with any other human endeavor, some people are going to turn it into a religion and persecute anyone who doesn’t play exactly by their rules.

  5. Your comments funnier than your cartoons this week, Dan. Good to be back on the list.

    For some reason I went without for a long time. Like a devout Orthodox Christian on International Cheese Day when it falls on a Wednesday or Friday. Or Lent which falls on every year.

    Especially your pet jokes funny. Funnier than cat-olic dog-ma.

  6. But wait – there’s more! I hope. Please say that additional enamel pins are available. Why wear just a lonely jazz pickle?

    • Yes! We sold out of our previous pins but now have some new ones. They just arrived from the manufacturer and we’re going to be posting them in the store this week!

  7. “If humans were like dogs……. keeping a pet cat would be like having your own personal snack machine”. I hope that’s not a reference to fatally attacking cats. I would be saddened to find out you were thinking that.

    • Certainly not. I was referring to the habit many dogs have of eating cat feces. We have two dogs and a cat and find it challenging to keep them out of the cat box. :^}

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