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Fortune Butch Safety Bus

bz panel 08-21-14bz strip 08-21-17bz panel 08-22-14bz strip 08-22-14bz panel 08-23-14bz strip 08-23-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Infamous Vessel of Calming Liquid.

Here’s one of my not-so-rare cameo appearances in Bizarro, along with my amazing womanpartner (girlfriend just seems too juvenile at our age and experience,) Olive Oyl. I don’t have a Smart Car, but both she and I have tiny little Fiat 500s, hers is all electric. And neither of us have had our cars crushed by SUVs (knock on wood.)  The electric Fiat is a terrific car with amazing pickup and speed and I’ll likely be switching over soon. It’s actually faster and more peppy than my gas-powered one! And you can go 100 miles on a full charge, which only costs $4. These cars are only available in California and Oregon, I guess because those are the only places with ample public charging stations to support the kind of sales they need to make it worth their investment. And California gives you a $2500 rebate for getting one. Can’t beat it. (more…)

3-D Investment for our Future

Hey, Jazz Pickles. Lately I’ve decided to try to do good things for others as part of my regular routine and I’ve enjoyed the way it makes me feel. I’m not going to be posting about stuff like this a lot, so don’t get your corset tangled, but here’s one that comes from my boyfriend-in-law (my adult daughter’s live-in boyfriend.) He’s a very innovative and dedicated high school science teacher, and a damned good person. (more…)

Suey Horse Locker Hillbilly

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Art.

 

As with most things in life, Chinese food is about your point of view.

(That sounds like it means something deep but I’ve no idea what it might be.)

(Get a print of this cartoon here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Westerns but I always hate it when they shoot a horse. This cartoon doesn’t bother me as much, though, because when I was a kid I was bitten by a sawhorse and I’ve hated them ever since. (Get a print of this cartoon here.) (more…)

Circle Jerks

Bizarro 08-17-14 hedrWEBBizarro 08-17-14 WEB(For a less-small version of any of these comics, click them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Count Barney.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is another of my scenes from the Old West. I’ve always thought idiots are inherently funny, probably because they make me feel superior. I’ve had my share of idiotic moments, too, though. Just yesterday I reached for my mustache wax and grabbed a barrel of napalm instead. I nearly destroyed my entire neighborhood. I got a big, hearty laugh out of it, though.
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Cowboy Dung Barf Hospital

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dung Beetle.

 

Here’s an interesting bit of history from the American Old West: before there were face lotions with sunscreen built into them, cowboys used to have to carry around a little plastic bottle of the stuff and reapply every couple of hours. That’s the only way they could stay young looking on the trail. (more…)

Be One of the Good Guys

Hey, Jazz Pickles! A guy I’ve known since childhood needs a new wheelchair and can’t afford it. He’s got a fundraiser thing going online and I’d love it if you’d consider kicking in a buck or two. I donated and it felt good! You can feel good, too!

I know him to be a good guy and a worthy recipient of your kindness. He’s not just in it for the parking. (more…)

Cannibal Ghost Superman Dinner

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Gourmet Dining.

If you haven’t visited a KwikKannibal recently, you should. They have a new sausage sandwich that is filled with ground lips, ears, and nostrils––not the usual penis-on-a-bun that these kinds of places typically have. I recommend it.

My good buddy Cliff The King Of Wordplay came up with this delightful pun and I am pleased to present it to you today. I hope it made you giggle. Buy a print of this cartoon here. (more…)

Disastrous Profits

Bizarro 08-10-14 hdrWEBBizarro 08-10-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Graffiti.

In this imagination of the not-too-distant future, I indulge the climate change deniers with a world in which they still run things. Corporations have found that there is still more money in pollution than in intelligent energy solutions, and so the human population of Earth is left wearing expensive contraptions to protect them from the hostile environment. (more…)

Zombie Burning Anger

bz panel 08-08-14bz strip 08-08-14bz panel 08-09-14bz strip 08-09-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Chocolate Family, Please.

These cartoons are a couple of my favorites of late. As tempting as it was to draw the zombies “running” the race, I’m happy that I chose this remote view instead, which leaves part of the gag to the reader’s imagination.

Attention young cartoonists: The reader’s imagination is key to a good gag.   (more…)

Lawyer Spelunker Nobody Prison

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Let My People Go.

 

Monday’s cartoon: I could never be an attorney because I wouldn’t be able to make myself fight for guilty or rotten people. Also because I find giant books full of rules make me want to move to another planet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday’s: I love caves and I love the word “spelunking.” I try to use it in casual conversation at least once each day. (more…)

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