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Love Amputation Kids Computers

bz panel 11-20-14bz strip 11-20-14bz panel 11-21-14bz strip 11-21-14bz panel 11-22-14bz strip 11-22-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Computer Anatomy.

As my regular readers know, I’ve been through two divorces and cannot recommend the experience. All that is in the distant past now but now and then a nice divorce gag occurs to me. When your job is coming up with a fresh gag 365 days a year, anything that goes into your head is likely to come back out later as a cartoon or twelve.

 

Mr. Potato Head is a fun trope for cartoons but so many have been done that it’s tough to come up with a new one. This time, I went dark.

 

 

As a person over “a certain age” it still amazes me how computers have become second nature for the young. I often have to ask a member of a younger generation to solve tech problems for me. I’ve still got them beat when it comes to philosophy, though.

 

BIZARRO BOOMERANG: From 1999 is this cartoon I did along the same lines. Zack Berry was the little kid who lived next door to me way back then. bizarro 02-22-99 WEB

Last Chance To Be Cool

Only 7 hours left to snag one of these limited-edition design Bizarro T-shirts!

You want to be cool. I want you to be cool. This is how. Lots of colors and styles available: short sleeves, v-necks, long sleeves, hoodies (sorry, no panchos).

White line work on dark-colored shirts               Black line work on light-colored shirts.StrangeKiss1

Bear Blog Mouse Eskimo

bz panel 11-17-14bz strip 11-17-14bz panel 11-18-14bz strip 11-18-14bz panel 11-19-14bz strip 11-19-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Freudian Typo.

Insider tip: Don’t bother calling Teddy Bear Headquarters on a Monday. Those dudes are some picnic-loving freaks.

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Don’t use a therapist who has a blog on which he features highlights from each week’s therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Mice taxis are notoriously inefficient. But when you’re spending your life in a rodent prison, it’s worth a try.

 

 

 

PREBIZTORICALS: Did someone say, “What’s in your archives today, Dan?” No? Well, maybe they did and I didn’t hear them so here’s something from 1999. bizarro 01-29-99EskimoWEB

Basketboulder

Bizarro 11-16-14 hdrWEB Bizarro 11-16-14 WEB(Click any image for a bigger look!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Why Wash When You Can Bash?

My mind wandered recently about the beginning of basketball and wondered what they used for the ball before modern technology created what we now use. Going further back, I imagined this scene of a couple of cave dudes fighting over a boulder. Since I am not a terribly tall person (3’7″) I’m always last to be picked for basketball teams. That is, until they find out that I can fly, and also become invisible at will. Who’s laughing now, tall people?

NEW TOPIC: There are only FOUR DAYS left to nab one of my limited-edition Bizarro Jazz Pickle T-shirts!

After that, this design (3rd in a series) will disappear forever, the way most people wish Kim Kardashian would.

Black line work on light shirts here.                   White line work on dark shirts here.

Because Adam Levine and Scarlett Johansson were recently voted “sexiest human members of their species and sexes,” here’s what they would look like in my T-shirt. (Available in many styles and colors, not just short-sleeves and orange.) Aren’t they sexy? You will be, too. AdamScarlett

Butts, Knock-Offs, Cosplay

bz panel 11-13-14bz strip 11-13-14bz panel 11-14-14bz strip 11-14-14bz panel 11-15-14bz strip 11-15-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Useful Government Institutions.

I thought this “Rear Admiral” gag was a harmless bit of slapstick fun but at least one reader who left a comment thought it was “absolutely classless especially around  veterans day.” (That person must REALLY hate Beetle Baily.)  I generally tend to think that no one is above having a bit of fun poked at them, especially those in authority. What do you think? Should military personnel be held sacred when it comes to cartoons?

I just realized that both of these first two cartoons posted here are about butts and coincided with Kim Kardashian’s butt breakage of the Internet. Must be a full moon this week. (To find the previous link, I googled “Kim Kardashian’s Ass.” As is Google’s habit, this appeared at the top of the page.)

This next cartoon is as sad as it is amusing. I wish the world were a kinder place but alas, it ain’t.

 

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: This Sunday gag from 2001 still tickles my funny bone. I hope you get a smile out of it. (Click this image to see it larger, but not as large as Kardashian’s seat cushion.)Bizarro04-01-01CatDogWEB

 

 

Strange Kiss

Here’s how sexy you could look in a limited-edition Bizarro Jazz Pickle T-shirt.

Only 8 days left, then this design will be retired forever, much like Kissinger and Sellers are. Lots of colors and styles to choose from.

White image on dark-colored shirts.                              Dark image on light-colored shirts.StrangeKiss1

Cluck Brag Kiss Shout

bz panel 11-10-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Food Discrimination.

Here’s a lovely pastoral view of a truly free-range chicken farm where some of its residents are planning a vacation. It is nothing like where real chickens come from.

 

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I’ve been giving a lot of thought recently about the important things in life and have decided that the amount of money and “things” you have isn’t one of them.

 

 

 

 

This idea from my good friend, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay is a bit dated, but only if you don’t know jack-shit about history. Henry Kissinger was once one of the most powerful people in the world. Now he’s relegated to a carnival midway booth, which is both deep and funny, if you look at it a certain way.

BYGONE BIZARRO: Here’s a fun one from 2000bizarro 09-01-00WEB. If you’ve ever been in a recording studio, you’ll find this hilarious.

New Bizarro Site

Salutations, Jazz Pickles!

As you may have noticed if you have any peripheral vision whatsoever, this is a new website design! I’ve collected all of my various antics under one roof to make your life (and mine) a little easier. It’s not totally finished yet, but the blog and daily comics are here for your amusement.

New stuff:

1. Even before I post about them on my blog, my daily cartoons will appear here every day, the same day they appear in newspapers! Just click “Home” at the top and you’ll see it.

2. If you want to buy a print of any comic, first find it by clicking the “Calendar” link below the daily cartoon, then click the “Buy Prints” link. So easy a chihuahua could do it. (But probably not without barking incessantly.)

3. If you’re wondering about the slice of pie, dynamite, eyeball, etc. hidden in my cartoons, click the “About” link on the top bar, then “Secret Symbols.” (Warning: Not suitable for chihuahuas.)

4.  More cool stuff will be added later to the “Video” and “Store” section.

 

I think that’s it for now. Hope you enjoy it!

 

Cartoonist Documentary

Screen Shot 2014-11-09 at 10.17.05 AMA few years back, a really terrific guy by the name of Nick Armington began making a documentary about cartoonists. His accidental death at a sadly young age stopped production but his widow, Sari, has finally seen the project through and it’s almost completed.

Have a look at some videos clips from the movie (a couple featuring a pre-mustache ME!) and consider kicking in a few bucks to help get this puppy done!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1269819028/the-folks-behind-the-funniesScreen Shot 2014-11-09 at 10.16.04 AM

Bizarro Sunday Punnies #36

Bizarro 11-09-14 hdr WEB Bizarro 11-09-14 WEB(click any image to see it get bigger.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Serious Grooming.

Welcome to the 36th edition of Bizarro’s Sunday Punnies. The three cartoons below are my interpretations of pun ideas sent in by readers. Congrats today go to Keith R., Kandice, and Michael Capozzola!

Want to see YOUR original pun in a future edition? Just leave it here in the comments section and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules:

1. Your pun must be original, to the best of your knowledge.

2. Tell me what name you’d like to appear at the bottom. Anything is fine, as long as it isn’t obscene. Something like “Randy ‘Big Balls’ Lopez” isn’t going to fly.

3. Note that you WILL NOT see your pun suggestion show up in the comments section. I don’t post pun suggestions so as not to ruin the gag should I decide to use it, or embarrass you publicly should the idea be incredibly lame.

That’s all there is to it! Happy punning. (But first, scroll down for a special offer!)

While you’re here, have you snapped up one or more of the Official BIZARRO JAZZ PICKLE limited-edition T-shirts? They’re available for only 11 more days so HURRY!

Black ink on light shirts    and    White ink on dark shirts

Various styles and colors available in each. Perfect gift idea. Collector’s item. Magic totem. Envy of the neighborhood.

TwoShirtsWEB

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