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Barf Buffet

Bizarro 04-10-16 hdrWEB

(An embiggenation of this cartoon can be achieved by clicking it.)Bizarro 04-10-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Bagel People.

People often compare dogs and cats: which is smarter, which is the better pet, etc. In my opinion, dogs and cats are such dramatically different species that they really can’t be compared. Dogs are pack animals and want to please their leader, cats are solitary hunters and don’t recognize others as part of their group. Huge difference. Like trying to compare gorillas and squirrels––they both have fur, but beyond that, not much to compare.
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Bearing Traffic

Bizarro 04-03-16 hdrWEB

(To enjoy a more embiggenated version of this cartoon, click it twice less than thrice.)Bizarro 04-03-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you by Terror Therapy.

As my faithful Jazz Pickles know, I enjoy the occasional pun as long as it is unpredictable and suggests a good picture. This is one such pun, suggested by my friend, Ed Cohen. Ed gave me “Gridlock and the Three Bears” and I came up with the rest. I had a great time illustrating the classic cars, of which I am a fan but cannot afford a warehouse full of like my comedy colleague, Jay Leno has. (The limit of my current budget is one vintage motorcycle, a ’73 BMW.) I think Bunny’s Emergency Pie Repair truck is amusing, as well as the Odd Duck storefront in the background, and I have always been a fan of the AMC Pacer, one of the strangest little cars ever to be mass produced. (People who hated it said it looked like a “pregnant toaster,” but that was exactly why I loved it!) If you click the cartoon and embiggenate it, you will see that where those cars typically had a “Pacer” logo, mine says “Pie”. Other amusing-yet-tiny details are the Pacer’s license plate, which was issued in the state of “Fornia” and the truck’s, which is from a state called “Dohio”. As you can see from the small number above my signature, there are six secret symbols to be found in this cartoon, as well.
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BigLove

Bizarro 09-27-15 hdr

(For greater embiggenation, click any kind of fur in any image.)

Bizarro 03-27-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Animals Think We’re Not Looking.

If you’ve ever lived with a person who habitually rescues animals, you get this cartoon. I think most people are compassionate to non-human animals but we each have our limits as to how much of our personal space and attention we’re willing to give to them. I used to hang out with a lot of animal rights activists (and lived with one for a while) whose homes were more like the petting zoo tent at the State Fair than what I would call a suitable human domicile. I have no doubt whatsoever that some of them would take in Bigfoot if the opportunity presented itself. No question. And they’d argue that BF was safer and happier as a prisoner of their small apartment than he would be in the wild.
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Charlatans

Bizarro 03-20-16 hdrWEB

(For a more embigginated experience, click any redish color in any cartoon.)Bizarro 03-20-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Walk This Way.

My cartoon today is about the disappointment one feels when they trust someone to fix things and that person turns out to be a charlatan. We’ve all experienced this with politicians and one can read that message as the subtext to the Wizard of Oz: The man at the top, the Great Wizard of Oz, is just a regular guy pulling switches and levers to make himself seem more powerful than he really is. A person can also easily see this as an allegory of Donald Trump’s current campaign.
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New Bizarro T-Shirt!

Hey, Jazz Pickles! If you’re as disgusted by the behavior of some politicians as anyone not currently unconscious is, you might like this comic on a shirt. And if that’s the case, the link below will fix you up real good.

Bizarro 06-27-10 OzPoliticsSHIRTWEB

There are four kinds and several colors of shirts available, and the two that are more pricy than the others are because they are organic cotton. They charge more these days for not ruining the planet as much.
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Flaming Keyboard

Bizarro 03-13-16 hdrWEB

(Click any image to embiggenate it.)Bizarro 03-13-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Future Clean.

My favorite thing about today’s cartoon (above) is the art, and by that I mean the glow of the fire. I can’t say the joke is all that compelling, to be honest. In the collection of writings that Christians call the Old Testament and Jews call the Torah, god appears to Moses as a burning bush and gives him the famous Ten Commandments. For some reason I thought that if that happened today it would be a burning computer. What bushes have to do with computers is anyone’s guess. I’ve no clue. I’ve nothing more to say about this cartoon other than when you have to write a joke each day for over thirty years, a few are going to be clunkers.
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Flash Fire

Bizarro 03-06-16 hdrWEB

(See some of these images larger by clicking and embiggenating them.)
Bizarro 03-06-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by The First Plausible Explanation I’ve Heard.

There’s a raging controversy on social media this morning about the Christmas tree cartoon above and whether or not the symbol count (small number above my signature) matches the number of actual Secret Symbols hidden therein. Okay, perhaps not a “raging” controversy, but a couple of people have written polite notes asking me what’s up. If you go to Bizarro.com and look at the cartoon posted there in the main frame at the top for today, March 6, 2016, you’ll see that the “K2” on the rooftop door of the building in the upper-right corner of the cartoon is missing. I remember when I submitted this cartoon four weeks ago that my editor told me the symbol count didn’t match, and upon inspection I saw that I had somehow deleted the K2 from the door in one of the hundreds of complicated technologically scientific steps it takes to create one of these images. I remember replacing it and sending the corrected one to King Features but somehow it didn’t make it to the online version. I’m not sure if it made it to the newspaper version, perhaps not. So here now is the corrected version with all six symbols. If you want to see where they all are, here’s a version with the symbols circled. 
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Future of Cruising

Bizarro 02-28-16 HdrWEB

(To engage the embiggenation sequence count backwards from five to zero, then click any image.)Bizarro 02-28-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by Relationship Advice.

When I was a boy in the 1960s it was widely believed that flying cars would be a standard feature of my adulthood. The Jetsons promised it and it seemed inevitable. But the lousy driving habits of most people (science has determined that the exact percentage of crappy drivers on the road is everyone but you) have kept that from becoming a reality. Strangers would be crashing into your upstairs bedroom or fifteenth-floor apartment living room.
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Uber Ark

Bizarro 02-21-16 hdrWEB

(To embiggenate the ark or any other cartoon, click it with your clickerator.)
Bizarro 02-21-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by American Political Anomaly. 

The meme behind those blue words above are not my attempt to campaign, I just thought it was a particularly clever and true anomaly of American voters. Polls consistently have shown that most Americans are Christian but most are also terrified of socialism, even though much of our country already incorporates socialist programs that most people love and have no wish to get rid of. And as far as developed nations go––Canada and virtually all of Europe––we’re way less socialist than the other countries we visit on holiday or consider livable. Personally, I’d not want to live in a completely socialist or completely capitalist country. Fundamentalism of any kind ruins everything. It takes a lot of wisdom and maturity to embrace people who believe differently than you do, but I think balance and diversity is the key to happiness and a peaceful society with anything resembling a fair chance for all to succeed.
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Genius Pets

Bizarro 02-14-16 HdrWEB

(To embiggenate any cartoon in this post, click any blue color.)

Bizarro 02-14-16 WEB

Bizarro is brought to you today by That Pesky Bursitis.

The concept at work in this cartoon is that an occasional member of another species might well have been a genius but because they lived under the control of humans, they might have been stopped from fulfilling their potential. It’s not meant literally, of course, nor am I holding the Three Stooges up to the level of Sir Isaac Newton. What it does bring to mind, though, is the way we as humans like to congratulate ourselves on all the amazing advances and inventions we have created over the relatively short course of our species’ existence. It always occurs to me, however, that all of those advances are due to a very tiny percentage of humans who happened to be brilliant in a certain way. The other 99.9% of us are (and have historically been) as dumb as a box of rocks and pretty much just consume, reproduce, and die, myself included. If all of humankind were like me, there might be some nice art on cave walls but we’d still be wondering what those tiny lights in the sky are and probably believe the moon was an eye in the sky that takes 30 days to blink.
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