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Bear Blog Mouse Eskimo

bz panel 11-17-14bz strip 11-17-14bz panel 11-18-14bz strip 11-18-14bz panel 11-19-14bz strip 11-19-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Freudian Typo.

Insider tip: Don’t bother calling Teddy Bear Headquarters on a Monday. Those dudes are some picnic-loving freaks.

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Don’t use a therapist who has a blog on which he features highlights from each week’s therapy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insider tip: Mice taxis are notoriously inefficient. But when you’re spending your life in a rodent prison, it’s worth a try.

 

 

 

PREBIZTORICALS: Did someone say, “What’s in your archives today, Dan?” No? Well, maybe they did and I didn’t hear them so here’s something from 1999. bizarro 01-29-99EskimoWEB

Butts, Knock-Offs, Cosplay

bz panel 11-13-14bz strip 11-13-14bz panel 11-14-14bz strip 11-14-14bz panel 11-15-14bz strip 11-15-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Useful Government Institutions.

I thought this “Rear Admiral” gag was a harmless bit of slapstick fun but at least one reader who left a comment thought it was “absolutely classless especially around  veterans day.” (That person must REALLY hate Beetle Baily.)  I generally tend to think that no one is above having a bit of fun poked at them, especially those in authority. What do you think? Should military personnel be held sacred when it comes to cartoons?

I just realized that both of these first two cartoons posted here are about butts and coincided with Kim Kardashian’s butt breakage of the Internet. Must be a full moon this week. (To find the previous link, I googled “Kim Kardashian’s Ass.” As is Google’s habit, this appeared at the top of the page.)

This next cartoon is as sad as it is amusing. I wish the world were a kinder place but alas, it ain’t.

 

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: This Sunday gag from 2001 still tickles my funny bone. I hope you get a smile out of it. (Click this image to see it larger, but not as large as Kardashian’s seat cushion.)Bizarro04-01-01CatDogWEB

 

 

Cluck Brag Kiss Shout

bz panel 11-10-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Food Discrimination.

Here’s a lovely pastoral view of a truly free-range chicken farm where some of its residents are planning a vacation. It is nothing like where real chickens come from.

 

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I’ve been giving a lot of thought recently about the important things in life and have decided that the amount of money and “things” you have isn’t one of them.

 

 

 

 

This idea from my good friend, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay is a bit dated, but only if you don’t know jack-shit about history. Henry Kissinger was once one of the most powerful people in the world. Now he’s relegated to a carnival midway booth, which is both deep and funny, if you look at it a certain way.

BYGONE BIZARRO: Here’s a fun one from 2000bizarro 09-01-00WEB. If you’ve ever been in a recording studio, you’ll find this hilarious.

Bizarro Sunday Punnies #36

Bizarro 11-09-14 hdr WEB Bizarro 11-09-14 WEB(click any image to see it get bigger.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Serious Grooming.

Welcome to the 36th edition of Bizarro’s Sunday Punnies. The three cartoons below are my interpretations of pun ideas sent in by readers. Congrats today go to Keith R., Kandice, and Michael Capozzola!

Want to see YOUR original pun in a future edition? Just leave it here in the comments section and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules:

1. Your pun must be original, to the best of your knowledge.

2. Tell me what name you’d like to appear at the bottom. Anything is fine, as long as it isn’t obscene. Something like “Randy ‘Big Balls’ Lopez” isn’t going to fly.

3. Note that you WILL NOT see your pun suggestion show up in the comments section. I don’t post pun suggestions so as not to ruin the gag should I decide to use it, or embarrass you publicly should the idea be incredibly lame.

That’s all there is to it! Happy punning. (But first, scroll down for a special offer!)

While you’re here, have you snapped up one or more of the Official BIZARRO JAZZ PICKLE limited-edition T-shirts? They’re available for only 11 more days so HURRY!

Black ink on light shirts    and    White ink on dark shirts

Various styles and colors available in each. Perfect gift idea. Collector’s item. Magic totem. Envy of the neighborhood.

TwoShirtsWEB

Quintuple Cavalcade of Comedy

Bizarro is brought to you today by Tiny Alien.

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Monday: Dogs are funny. Dogs without electronics are just sad. (Get a print of this cartoon.)

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Tuesday: I was on a jury once for a one-day civil trial and it was boring as hell. I can imagine after a long trial wishing that someone would kill me. (Get a print of this cartoon.)

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Wednesday: Some birds dig predigested worms and bugs from their mother’s throat when they’re young. This guy is one of those, but he needs to grow up. (Get a print of this cartoon.)

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Thursday: If you find yourself tempted to believe that any substantial amount of America’s problems are being caused by illegal aliens, remind yourself that historically this is an ancient technique by dishonest governments to shift blame. And it almost always works. In this case, the corporations who run our country and their puppet politicians say, “Yes, things are lousy, but it isn’t our fault. It’s their fault!” Then they point to illegals, gay marriage, abortion clinics, terrorists, climate change scientists, whatever “other” they can find to unite the rest of us against something other than those in charge. Don’t fall for it. You’re smarter than that. (Get a print of this cartoon)

DEJA VIEW: Since Tuesday was Election* Day in the U.S., here’s a cartoon from 2001 in which I recommended some things I thought could improve the country. None of my suggestions were followed as near as I can tell.Bizarro02-11-01WEB

*A choice between two politicians already chosen by the corporations who run America.

Peach Tweet Bug Neurosis

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Selfies.

 

Just for the record, I’m all for organic, locally-grown food. Our current food system is deadly to our health and that of the environment. I am against forcing children to lug backpacks weighing several hundred pounds to school, however.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s a cute idea from my friend, Brian Levy. He claims he lives in Texas somewhere but I’ve never been to his house so I’m not sure if I should believe it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When attempting to connect with an object of your romantic desires, always refrain from over explaining what you do for a living. Just say something simple like, “I’m in sales.” Then, if they ask you what you sell, just say, “Does it really matter?”  Then move on to something more interesting like the nature of consciousness. At least, that’s how I won Olive Oyl’s heart.

 

 

 

 

FOR A CHANGE: Instead of an archival comic from Bizarro today, I offer you this comic by a friend of mine who is a very talented artist and a complete, neurotic mess. He is Steve Craig (seen here with some of his wives) and his site is called, appropriately, Neurotico.  Below is an illustration he did which includes me. Can you guess which one I am? (Hint: For some inexplicable reason, I am not wearing a hat.)

Go over to his site and treat yourself to some visual fun!NeuroticoGag

Hostile Chickens

bizarro 10-19-14 hdr Bizarro 10-19-14 WEB(Don’t be a goober, click these images for larger views.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Common European Photo Ops.

Those of you who have traveled as young adults are likely familiar with hostels. I stayed in a few when I was doing my backpacking-through-Europe trip when I was 20 years old. Lest you mistake me for a privileged white kid, I hasten to add that I paid for every cent of that trip, which lasted nearly four months when I ran out of money and flew back to the U.S. on the stand-by ticket I had in my shoe. The trip was a life-changing experience and one I’ve recommended to every person of that age group I’ve spoken to since. I was never beaten up in a hostel, as this cartoon depicts, but the similarity between the words “hostel” and “hostile” always gave me pause. My trip was full of youthful adventure, however, and I was a victim of robbery by a public official in Palermo and nearly got arrested in Paris––but those are stories for another time.

BIZARRCHIVES: Here is a Sunday comic of mine from 1998 which depicts the revenge of some Chick-fil-A chickens. What’s really amazing about it is that this despicable ad campaign has been around for 16 YEARS! Another despicable aspect is the coloring on this cartoon, which was from a time before I could do it the modern way in Photoshop. Ugh!bizarroChickfiletWEB

 

DNA Hippo Can Bellbottoms

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Granny Sale.

 

It’s Saturday, so I’m posting the silliness exhibited in Bizarro since Thursday. If that confuses you, consult your local calendar expert. I have no specific comments to make about any of them. I know, it is rare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

REZARRO: From Bizarro of 1998, I offer you this other bit of foolishness that has deep, hidden meaning. Let me know if you figure out what it is so I’ll have a good answer should someone ask.bizarro981002WEB

Successful Inferior Parakeet Hostage

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Bizarro is brought to you today by Dressing For Success.

 

I’m not sure where this gentleman is from but wherever it is, he’s enviably successful. And, I want to live there. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My own personal adventures in therapy have yielded amazing results and by following this simple credo––Be an inferior version of someone better than you––I’ve become who I am today. Just think of me as a poor man’s Walt Disney. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For you readers who are not as well versed in old movies as I am and have no idea what this cartoon is about, here’s a hint: it’s about a famous line from a Humphrey Bogart film called “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” In it, Hump (as his friends called him) plays a gold prospector who, along with a couple of other guys, finds gold in the Sierra Madre mountains but then runs into a heap of trouble trying to transport the gold back to civilization to cash it in. On the way, they meet some banditos who claim to be Mexican police. Humphrey asks to see their badges and the leader says, with a thick Mexican bandito accent, “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges.” Then things get shoot-em-up ugly.  Okay, that’s more than a hint, but now you know. (For a print of this cartoon, go here.)

 

 

PAZZ JICKLES: From the archival crypt at Rancho Bizarro comes another dilemma of crime and deception and it’s also in a pet store. Tune in next time to find out if the chihuahua eats the old lady.bz960712WEB

Strolling Monsters

Bizarro 10-12-14 hedrWEBBizarro 10-12-14 WEB(Why won’t you click on these cartoons and look at them larger?)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sharing Chinese Food.

I have long been an opponent of people assuming that gigantic animals are up to no good. Whether you agree with me or not, or find this gag humorous, let it never be said that I didn’t put a hell of a lot of effort into drawing this cartoon. Whew!

 

 

PALEOZARRO: Here’s another angle on why there is more to Godzilla than wanton destruction. If you’d had the childhood he did, you might feel the same way. (After 10 years in NYC, I certainly do.)Bizarro 08-27-06 GodzillaWEB

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