Does anyone out there have a modern solution to the password thing? You’re supposed to use different passwords for all your sites to reduce the possibility of having your identity stolen, but how do you remember them all? If you write them on a list, someone will steal the list and steal your life. I’ve taken to keeping a list but writing it in code. But sometimes I can’t remember what the code is. Gosh, life in the future can suck sometimes.
This giraffe gag is a bit of a throw-away joke, but I’ve always enjoyed reminding myself to look at things objectively, as though I’d never seen it before. In doing so with a giraffe, it occurred to me that no other animal resembles it; it truly looks Photoshopped.
It also occurred to me when I was writing this batch that most of the single women I’ve known (and a good number of ones in relationships) seem to nearly worship their cats. No judgement––cats are lovely creatures worth adoring––I was just wondering if there was a reason. If there is, I’ll likely never understand it, as most things about women are inscrutable to men.
SECRET TRIVIA FOR JAZZ PICKLES ONLY: I originally drew this cartoon for a different caption but it was decided it would be too incendiary in the light of current gun issues in the U.S., so it has been relegated to the Internet only. See the original caption here. Seriously, what is it about so many Americans that they equate godliness with the right to carry guns? It’s mystifying.
Sorry for the missing posts over the weekend. The site was wearing it’s cranky pants and wouldn’t let me post.
This is the most literal example of “gallows humor” you may ever see. And in the end, it isn’t dark at all, which sort of takes it out of the category altogether. Oh, the contradictions of life.
Those Jazz Pickles who are paying close attention may notice that I’ve used this background before. I switched it up a bit and moved things around and added some stuff to suit this gag, though. I figure if Hollywood can reuse sets, why can’t I? If you want to compare and contrast, here’s the previous use of which I speak.
BIZARROLD: In the archival section today, I offer you a vision from 2004 of what Tarzan might’ve looked like had he been raised differently.
Here are some Thanksgiving leftovers for your amusement. When I first submitted the cartoon at left, which ran on Thanksgiving Day, my editors were worried that it was too brutal and asked if I really wanted to publish it. I did and here it is. Thus far, I have gotten one piece of angry mail from a reader who said, “you have crossed the line. Why would you have a naked black woman posed as a human Turkey? It wasn’t funny and during these times of rioting and strained race relations the last thing we need is some hack artist making disgusting drawings that demean a national holiday AND a nakedblack woman lying on a dinner table!” Given what this reader thought they saw, I can’t blame them at all for being incensed. The person on the table is not black, nor a woman, but is Cynthia’s husband, who presumably objected to a turkey-free Thanksgiving dinner. As a long-time animal rights advocate, I have met other activists who lose their ability to separate their hatred of cruelty from their hatred of the species that inflicts it. Cynthia is one such person who ends up losing her shit and offing her husband. Even the turkeys know this is the wrong approach. Most vegans I know do, too.
My day-after-Thanksgiving cartoon is about genetic engineering, but it isn’t about the typical subject of GMO crops. It’s about the fact that humans have engineered turkeys to grow SO much bigger than they naturally grow, so rapidly, that long before they are actually adults their legs can barely support their weight. To me, this speaks volumes about the American obsession with food. It has been my experience that outside of a few large, cosmopolitan cities on the coasts, most Americans are anywhere from noticeably overweight to morbidly obese. The fact that there are so many TV shows about cooking––and an entire cable network devoted to food––says it all. It is not a matter of opinion but that of fact that the practices we have routinely adopted for producing and consuming animal-based food are slowly killing us, destroying our environment, and causing an almost unfathomable amount of suffering among non-human animals. That’s science, not faith.
I try to stay off my soapbox about this for most of the year, but the holidays bring it out in me. I promise to lay off the topic for a while now.
My final cartoon of the week is just a chuckle about Catwoman. I hope you enjoy it.
An email buddy of mine, Michael Lagace, sent me the idea of an “evil Knievel” twin and this is how I used it. I had a good time drawing Evel, as he was one of my childhood heroes. The kids in my neighborhood and I used to build ramps out of plywood and stacks of old tires or whatever we could get hold of to prop it up, then jump our bicycles over it at great speed. Yes, it was dangerous, and bones were broken. For all I know, Knievel may be the person for whom the ubiquitous statement, “Don’t try this at home!” was invented.
Now that it’s Thanksgiving week in the U.S., I’ve drawn some holiday cartoons. More to come in the next couple of days. As my regular readers know, I’m an ethical vegan, meaning I don’t buy or consume anything that contains the products from an animal’s suffering. I don’t evangelize anymore, but am always happy to discuss it when asked, or talk about it on my blog when moved to do so. I’ve come to see the planet as a large organism with billions of working parts, and humans are but a tiny, dispensable part of that. Accordingly, I try not to do anything to cause unnecessary damage or suffering to my host or my fellow earthlings. I truly think the human race acts like a cancer on this organism, consuming it until we kill it or it kills us, the latter being the most inevitable result. I’ve become convinced that we will be responsible for our own demise in the near future if we don’t adopt these kinds of attitudes and practices worldwide. I have no delusions that this shift in the human paradigm will happen in my lifetime, of course, so I’m preparing for extinction. :^}
BIZOMBIES: On a lighter note, here’s a view of what Thanksgiving for extraterrestrial creatures with similar attitudes to ours might look like.
My effervescent and sublime life partner, Olive Oyl, came up with the idea for today’s cartoon. The breadth of her skills continues to amaze me and I consider myself a very lucky man.
If you’ve ever played the enduring classic board game, “Clue,” you’ll doubtless recognize Professor Plum as he enters the Office of Admission and admits what he’s done. I got a good chuckle from it and I hope you do, too. Plus, even though the drawing is not particularly complex, there are still 5 secret symbols to search for. Click the image for a larger view.
Prehistarros: From the pile of Sunday cartoons in the corner of my basement labeled “1999” comes this rendition of the traditional “Is there a doctor in the house?” trope. Jazz Pickles with keener observational skills will notice that I make a cameo appearance in the audience.
I thought this “Rear Admiral” gag was a harmless bit of slapstick fun but at least one reader who left a comment thought it was “absolutely classless especially around veterans day.” (That person must REALLY hate Beetle Baily.) I generally tend to think that no one is above having a bit of fun poked at them, especially those in authority. What do you think? Should military personnel be held sacred when it comes to cartoons?
Here’s a lovely pastoral view of a truly free-range chicken farm where some of its residents are planning a vacation. It is nothing like where real chickens come from.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought recently about the important things in life and have decided that the amount of money and “things” you have isn’t one of them.
This idea from my good friend, Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay is a bit dated, but only if you don’t know jack-shit about history. Henry Kissinger was once one of the most powerful people in the world. Now he’s relegated to a carnival midway booth, which is both deep and funny, if you look at it a certain way.
BYGONE BIZARRO: Here’s a fun one from 2000. If you’ve ever been in a recording studio, you’ll find this hilarious.
Welcome to the 36th edition of Bizarro’s Sunday Punnies. The three cartoons below are my interpretations of pun ideas sent in by readers. Congrats today go to Keith R., Kandice, and Michael Capozzola!
Want to see YOUR original pun in a future edition? Just leave it here in the comments section and I’ll consider it. Here are the rules:
1. Your pun must be original, to the best of your knowledge.
2. Tell me what name you’d like to appear at the bottom. Anything is fine, as long as it isn’t obscene. Something like “Randy ‘Big Balls’ Lopez” isn’t going to fly.
3. Note that you WILL NOT see your pun suggestion show up in the comments section. I don’t post pun suggestions so as not to ruin the gag should I decide to use it, or embarrass you publicly should the idea be incredibly lame.
That’s all there is to it! Happy punning. (But first, scroll down for a special offer!)
While you’re here, have you snapped up one or more of the Official BIZARRO JAZZ PICKLE limited-edition T-shirts? They’re available for only 11 more days so HURRY!
Tuesday: I was on a jury once for a one-day civil trial and it was boring as hell. I can imagine after a long trial wishing that someone would kill me. (Get a print of this cartoon.)
Wednesday: Some birds dig predigested worms and bugs from their mother’s throat when they’re young. This guy is one of those, but he needs to grow up. (Get a print of this cartoon.)
Thursday: If you find yourself tempted to believe that any substantial amount of America’s problems are being caused by illegal aliens, remind yourself that historically this is an ancient technique by dishonest governments to shift blame. And it almost always works. In this case, the corporations who run our country and their puppet politicians say, “Yes, things are lousy, but it isn’t our fault. It’s their fault!” Then they point to illegals, gay marriage, abortion clinics, terrorists, climate change scientists, whatever “other” they can find to unite the rest of us against something other than those in charge. Don’t fall for it. You’re smarter than that. (Get a print of this cartoon)
DEJA VIEW: Since Tuesday was Election* Day in the U.S., here’s a cartoon from 2001 in which I recommended some things I thought could improve the country. None of my suggestions were followed as near as I can tell.
*A choice between two politicians already chosen by the corporations who run America.