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Hot Crackers

(Embiggenation is within your reach with a simple click on the parrot’s cloaca.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Maybe If Your Business Is Pimping.

Olive Oyl and I are not big enough fans of technology to want one of those thingamajigs––whatever you call them––in our house, but we do like to appear to our friends to be “hip” and up-to-date, so I spray painted a tomato juice can black and put it on our coffee table. When our friends come over, I just casually say, “Alexa, take a nap for a few hours and don’t bother us while our visitors are here unless it’s an emergency.” So far no one is the wiser.
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A Mile In My Shoes

(Make the below cartoon more embiggened by clicking the red helmet.)

Bizarro is brought to you by Striking Resemblances.

Remember when you were young and in a band and going to loud concerts and you ignored the advice of adults who warned you about protecting your hearing?  Well, as clueless and uncool as those decrepit geezers seemed, either they were correct or they cruelly cast a voodoo spell on you as punishment for ignoring their advice, and you can now only hear about 85% of the syllables people aim at you. Or at least, that’s what happened to me. It is for this reason that I stay away from skydiving and other activities during which a misunderstanding could result in my death.
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Smell Test

(Make an embiggenated version by clicking any Egyptian hieroglyph.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Strangers in Disguises.

Regular readers of my Bizarro blog are familiar with a guy whom I call “Cliff Harris the King of Wordplay.” Wordplay and puns are the easiest and most common kind of humor and cartoonists have varying degrees of tolerance for the category. Some will use any pun, no matter how predictable or lame, some, as a matter of principle, won’t use any pun, no matter how fresh. For me, it’s all about surprise; if a pun or a bit of wordplay surprises me and I chuckle, I’ll use it. This one made me chuckle a lot when Cliff suggested it and it still does.
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Trimmings

(Be ye desirous of embiggenation, clicketh upon yon psychos henceforth.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Awkward First Dates.

I confess I’ve not actually seen the movie I referenced in this cartoon. I’ve long been fascinated by the imagery but haven’t the foggiest idea how a guy with 12 lbs. of blades growing out of his hands is explained in the movie. Since my joke is mostly just a satire of his name, it probably doesn’t matter if you’ve seen it or not.
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Pecker

(For an embiggenated version of the cartoon below, click the pig.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creepy Christmas.

(Sung to the tune of “Old MacDonald”.)  Farmer Ahab had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he tried to harpoon a cute fluffy little baby peep, O-my-effing-god.  (Stop singing now and good luck trying to get that tune out of your head for the next several hours.)
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Various Vermin

Once again, I was unable to find the time to complete my weekly blog last week so this post has TWO WEEKS of cartoons, which my abacus tells me is FOURTEEN!

(For a righteous embiggenation, click the chick in the below pic.)

I’ve been told by scientists that the above cartoon is completely possible as long as the bungee cord is made of something much stronger and more flexible than anything we’ve yet discovered and the alien is friction proof. I chose the setting intentionally because, like Bigfoot, extraterrestrials tend to appear before inebriated country folk more than anyone else.
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Flaccid Headwear

(Embiggenate your experience by clicking a cartoon.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Smart Hat.

When I was growing up in the late 1900s, my parents didn’t believe in spending the extra money to get the name-brand fashion trends my sisters and I needed if we hoped to have any social traction at school. This taught us important lessons such as: Kids in Levis® and Dingo® boots are not always kind to kids in Montgomery Ward jeans and “Dango” boots from Larry’s shoe barn. In the cartoon above, it’s no mystery which style of balloon hat I would have been wearing around the park.
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Sole Mate

 

(Explore the exciting world of embiggenation by clicking a comic.)

This was another raucous week of hate mail and negative comments over one of my cartoons with an overtly political message, which I’ll discuss later in this post. I hesitate to call them “political comics” because I’m not an editorial cartoonist and my cartoons are not in the style of typical editorial cartoons. As I’ve mentioned before, cartoons are sold to newspapers as either “funny” or “editorial”, and those of us in the “funny” category are expected to stay away from heavily political content. In 99% of my comics over my 33-year career, I’ve kept to that rule but the absurdity of our current president and his administration have inspired and compelled me to an occasional political cartoon.
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Canine Confessions

(Rather than just screaming EMBIGGENATE, DAMN YOU! try clicking on the image.)

There is some debate over whether dogs actually feel and understand guilt or if, over the many thousands of years they have lived alongside humans they have simply evolved to pretend to be contrite when we express anger. As much as I love dogs and want to attribute higher emotional and mental functions to them, I’ve come to believe it’s an act.
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Big Something

(The embiggenation of some of these images can be caused by clicking on them.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by America’s Next President If I Have My Way.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Bigfoot lately, although I’ve no idea why. In the cartoon above, we see that Sasquatch belongs to a family in which each member has one oversized thing. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)
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