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Snakes ‘n’ Rabbits

bz panel 09-14-13 medusabz strip 09-14-13medusaBizarro is brought to you today by Huh?

Contrary to usual, I had more fun drawing the strip version of this one than the vertical panel. It’s entirely because of the giant bunny attack on screen, of course. I’d love to see the whole movie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MedusaBeach WEB

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: As you can see, today’s panel isn’t the only Medusa cartoon I’ve ever drawn. This one from 1998 was never published in Bizarro, of course, but appeared in a Swedish magazine or two and is in my autobiography, “Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro”. This is one of my favorite gags I’ve ever written and I’m thrilled to have a good excuse to share it with you here.

Small Threats

bz panel 08-31-13dogdreambz strip 08-31-13dogdreamBizarro is made possible today by At Least It’s Fresh.

I’ve known many dogs in my 659 months of life and I think I know a thing or two about what I imagine they might be thinking or dreaming about. As an imaginary expert in the field of dog psychology, I can assure you that dogs do, in fact, fantasize about having the abilities of humans in regards to activities like driving cars and running down pedestrians. Most people assume that dogs chase cars because they mistake them for prey, but the truth is that dogs desperately want to drive. Other common dog fantasies include riding the subway, having lunch at expensive restaurants while sitting in a chair, playing ping pong, and humping the legs of celebrities. Favorite celebrities of dog’s fantasies include Justin Timberlake, Anna Gunn, Michael Jordon, Hillary Clinton, and Jay Leno. (more…)

Super Tongue

bz panel 08-28-13frogBizarro is brought to you today by Too Much Free Time.

I’m having a rough week, Jazz Pickles. There’s nothing you can do about it but since you (my reader) are my best friend, I just wanted to vent. Firstly, I received some bad financial news on my divorce that is STILL dragging on and on and is now likely to cost me many dollars more than it was going to yesterday. That’s never fun news. Secondly, (am I using “firstly” and “secondly” correctly? A little help, ProofNinja?) I spent a couple of days on a bz strip 08-28-13frogSunday Bizarro for October that I really like but my editor tells me that I can’t use it as is for fear of lawsuits. The whole cartoon is about PetSmart, the pet store chain here in the U.S., and even though I thought I’d be protected under satire laws, apparently I’m not so I had to change it to another store name. It dampens the joke but doesn’t ruin it, so I’ll just have to live with that. Such is the action-packed, edge-of-danger life of a syndicated cartoonist, but it’s still a bummer. I’ll post both version here when the time comes. (more…)

Baa Zzz

bz panel 08-24-13bz strip 08-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Stoners.

Has science ever seriously looked into the mysterious sleep-inducing powers of sheep? If all domesticated animals had this power, it would be one thing, but it’s only sheep. I’ve counted goats, cattle, chickens, horses, pigs, but nothing else works. I wondered if it might be something in the wool so I’ve counted sweaters a few times but nothing. It’s funny that sleep study clinics always have herds of sheep around to help put their human subjects to sleep but nobody has thought to study the sheep to find out how they work. I’m not a scientist but it sure seems like a no-brainer to me. (more…)

Fortuitous

bz panel 08-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Multi-personality Mustache.

bz strip 08-19-13As people who follow science news know, bees are on the decline at an alarming rate (because of us–SURPRISE!) and if we don’t figure out how to reverse it, it will be cataclysmic for the entire planet. I know that sounds drastic, but think about it. The most common way plants spread their goodness is through the whole pollination/bee thing. No bees, no plants. No plants, nothing to eat (or to feed the critters that you eat if you’re a meat eater.) It’s a bummer but I did my part last week to alleviate the problem. I went outside early one morning and saw a live bee caught in a spider’s web. I’ve no idea why it hadn’t been eaten yet and the spider was nowhere to be found. Probably popped out for a latte. So I (carefully!) extracted the bee and used tweezers to pull the (INSANELY) sticky web off of him. Then I placed him in a flower pot outside. He disappeared later so either he recovered and flew away to save the world or another critter ate him. I’m hoping for the best. (more…)

Bizarro 08-18-13 WEB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(To see this cartoon all bigger and beautifuller, click the horse’s ass.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Malibu Cowboy.

This is a simple gag but it still makes me smile. I’ve been obsessed all my life with cowboys and the Old West. I don’t collect rifles or spurs or anything, I just love drawing cowboys, watching old cowboy movies (or new ones if they’re done well), and reading a bit about the history of it. I’d kill to be in a western movie or TV series where I get to dress up like a cowboy, ride a horse, say cowboy stuff like, “I reckon.” Man, that would be heaven. I’d be good at it, too. Having been raised in Oklahoma, I can do several completely believable cowboy accents. (more…)

Phish Philosophy

bz panel 08-15-13bz strip 08-15-13Bizarro is brought to you by Fossils.

If you don’t get this gag, it is doubtless because you’ve never heard of Swedish Fish, an ancient and pretty famous candy. Wisely, though they look like little red fish, the manufacturer decided to make them taste like something else. Nobody knows exactly what, though. As my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh (whose idea this gag was) says on his blog today, they taste “red.” He has more to say about this collaboration here. (more…)

Sunday Punnies #31

Bizarro 08-11-13 WEB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(To witness this cartoon grow before your eyes, click the wizard’s undies.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by You Kids Get Off Of My Lawn!

Welcome to the 31th installment of Bizarro’s Sunday Punnies, the cartoons which come from puns donated by readers. This week, we congratulate Jazz Pickles Bradley Ward, T. Filice, and Alex. There are no words for the pride they feel today. (more…)

Whatevs

Bizarro 08-04-13 WEBBizarro 08-04-13 hedr(For an up-closerer look at this scribbling, click the Panda’s nose.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Japanese Super Heroes.

This cartoon is a lampoon of the beloved, cheap ‘n’ cheezy Japanese sci-fi films of bygone days, as well as a comment on our modern attention span. Some of you may remember such eminent feature films as King Kong vs. Godzilla,Godzilla vs. Mothra, and King Kong Saves Godzilla’s Life With CPR. Today’s sequel to these brilliant cinemagraphical feats was the brainchild of my cartoon colleague and good buddy, Jim Horwitz, whom we in the industry fondly refer to as “Jimmy Ho.” JimHo does a web cartoon called “Watson,” which I’ve mentioned on this blog before. As the newspaper industry shrinks and fewer cartoon features are being signed to syndication contracts all of the time, Jim is part of the new wave of cartoonists whose work only appears on the web. Let’s call them “New Artists.” I don’t know why, but let’s do. (more…)

Pooch Suitor

bz panel 07-26-13bz strip 07-26-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Avante Dogs.

Does this cartoon imply that if you send your dog to an Ivy LBz panel 10-14-06 new puppyeague school that his pick-up technique will be more sophisticated than humping a leg? Yes, it does. If this is in your dog’s future, get him one of these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In keeping with my habit of including an old cartoon each day in my blog, here’s one from ’06 that got some terrific hate mail. I can’t find it now (of course!) but the woman was angry with me because, according to her, plenty of people abuse and neglect their children and “we” shouldn’t be giving them more ideas with cartoons like mine. Really? Really? I told her that if someone was irrational enough to give up their children for a dog, the kids were better off anyway, and that the reason I wrote this cartoon was because of all of the idiots who drop their family dog off at the city shelter because they are afraid it would hurt the baby. This happens a lot, I’m sorry to say.

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