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Inappropriate Gifts

Bizarro 10-06-13 WEBrevise

 

 

(If you can place your cursor on the pedestrian’s backpack, you can make this cartoon bigger!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Serpentine Circus.

I’ve had this idea in the dugout for quite some time but hadn’t drawn it yet. Then I corresponded with one of my most loyal, long-time Jazz Pickles, Jan, who, along with her  dog, Penny, and python, Louise, has been featured on this blog before. I found out that the three of them are having some pretty serious difficulties at the moment and Jan asked me if I’d do a another snake cartoon for her sometime soon. It seemed like the perfect time to use this gag, which features some of my favorite issues about pets, and dedicate it to her and her loved ones. You can see my dedication to them in the upper left corner. (more…)

Relative Abuse

bz panel 10-02-13bz strip 10-02-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Wedding Party.

Chimp intelligence has long been a subject of intense study by us humans. There is a book by Pulitzer Prize winning author, Jared Diamond, called The Third Chimpanzee in which, among other amazing, fascinating scientific and historical observations, he makes a case for considering humans a third kind of chimpanzee (alongside the Common Chimpanzee and the Bonobo) rather than a whole new category of super-special, divinely-ordained, non-animal creatures. This book was seminal in forming my world view and I can’t recommend it highly enough. I agree with his assessment wholeheartedly and you can see evidence in the remarkable similarities of not only our bodies (around 99% identical DNA) but also our social behavior. (more…)

Noah Logic

bz panel 09-30-13bz strip 09-30-13Bizarro is brought to you today by the Consequences of Tardiness

I’ve already gotten a few questions about this cartoon so I’ll ‘splain it. Clowns are famous for emerging in large numbers out of very tiny cars. So a clown Noah…

If you still don’t get it, blame my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh, with whom I collaborated on this cartoon. Among the many wonderful things that Wayno and I share is a repulsion for actual clowns and an affinity for clown cartoons. He does his own ‘splainin’ about this here cartoon here.   Of the points he makes therein, my favorite is that an ark this size is just as likely to carry two of every species on earth as one of the size prescribed in the Bible. I smiled broadly. (more…)

Birds in the Hand

bz panel 09-17-13bz strip 09-17-13Bizarro is brought to you today by a Banner Ad That I Saw And Was Afraid To Click On So I Have No Idea What It Means.

I have a deep and abiding love of birds. I can’t stand to see them in cages and have on many occasions considered freeing them, knowing I would be risking arrest. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never quite had the courage to do it because I don’t want to end up in jail or court. (more…)

Snakes ‘n’ Rabbits

bz panel 09-14-13 medusabz strip 09-14-13medusaBizarro is brought to you today by Huh?

Contrary to usual, I had more fun drawing the strip version of this one than the vertical panel. It’s entirely because of the giant bunny attack on screen, of course. I’d love to see the whole movie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MedusaBeach WEB

BIZARRO OF THE LIVING DEAD: As you can see, today’s panel isn’t the only Medusa cartoon I’ve ever drawn. This one from 1998 was never published in Bizarro, of course, but appeared in a Swedish magazine or two and is in my autobiography, “Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro”. This is one of my favorite gags I’ve ever written and I’m thrilled to have a good excuse to share it with you here.

Small Threats

bz panel 08-31-13dogdreambz strip 08-31-13dogdreamBizarro is made possible today by At Least It’s Fresh.

I’ve known many dogs in my 659 months of life and I think I know a thing or two about what I imagine they might be thinking or dreaming about. As an imaginary expert in the field of dog psychology, I can assure you that dogs do, in fact, fantasize about having the abilities of humans in regards to activities like driving cars and running down pedestrians. Most people assume that dogs chase cars because they mistake them for prey, but the truth is that dogs desperately want to drive. Other common dog fantasies include riding the subway, having lunch at expensive restaurants while sitting in a chair, playing ping pong, and humping the legs of celebrities. Favorite celebrities of dog’s fantasies include Justin Timberlake, Anna Gunn, Michael Jordon, Hillary Clinton, and Jay Leno. (more…)

Super Tongue

bz panel 08-28-13frogBizarro is brought to you today by Too Much Free Time.

I’m having a rough week, Jazz Pickles. There’s nothing you can do about it but since you (my reader) are my best friend, I just wanted to vent. Firstly, I received some bad financial news on my divorce that is STILL dragging on and on and is now likely to cost me many dollars more than it was going to yesterday. That’s never fun news. Secondly, (am I using “firstly” and “secondly” correctly? A little help, ProofNinja?) I spent a couple of days on a bz strip 08-28-13frogSunday Bizarro for October that I really like but my editor tells me that I can’t use it as is for fear of lawsuits. The whole cartoon is about PetSmart, the pet store chain here in the U.S., and even though I thought I’d be protected under satire laws, apparently I’m not so I had to change it to another store name. It dampens the joke but doesn’t ruin it, so I’ll just have to live with that. Such is the action-packed, edge-of-danger life of a syndicated cartoonist, but it’s still a bummer. I’ll post both version here when the time comes. (more…)

Baa Zzz

bz panel 08-24-13bz strip 08-24-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Stoners.

Has science ever seriously looked into the mysterious sleep-inducing powers of sheep? If all domesticated animals had this power, it would be one thing, but it’s only sheep. I’ve counted goats, cattle, chickens, horses, pigs, but nothing else works. I wondered if it might be something in the wool so I’ve counted sweaters a few times but nothing. It’s funny that sleep study clinics always have herds of sheep around to help put their human subjects to sleep but nobody has thought to study the sheep to find out how they work. I’m not a scientist but it sure seems like a no-brainer to me. (more…)

Fortuitous

bz panel 08-19-13Bizarro is brought to you today by Multi-personality Mustache.

bz strip 08-19-13As people who follow science news know, bees are on the decline at an alarming rate (because of us–SURPRISE!) and if we don’t figure out how to reverse it, it will be cataclysmic for the entire planet. I know that sounds drastic, but think about it. The most common way plants spread their goodness is through the whole pollination/bee thing. No bees, no plants. No plants, nothing to eat (or to feed the critters that you eat if you’re a meat eater.) It’s a bummer but I did my part last week to alleviate the problem. I went outside early one morning and saw a live bee caught in a spider’s web. I’ve no idea why it hadn’t been eaten yet and the spider was nowhere to be found. Probably popped out for a latte. So I (carefully!) extracted the bee and used tweezers to pull the (INSANELY) sticky web off of him. Then I placed him in a flower pot outside. He disappeared later so either he recovered and flew away to save the world or another critter ate him. I’m hoping for the best. (more…)

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