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Big Nose Doggy Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Frightened Humans.

The first few days of 2012 have got me thinking about new year’s resolutions. I’m not one to make resolutions and have not done so in decades. I figure if there is something about my life that needs changing, I just do it at a time that seems right instead of waiting until it’s time to open the new calendar. But clearly, this year calls for a different attitude. This year calls for some resolute action on my part. So I have but one resolution: to defeat the ancient Mayans and make it to 2013. Take THAT, spooky dead Indians. (more…)

End-of-Year Rodent

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sparkling Refreshment.

This week begins another guest cartoonist week by Wayno. As you readers “in the know” know, newspaper cartoons (other than editorial ones) are typically done weeks ahead of time. Back in November when I was preparing to leave NYC, I needed to get way ahead on deadlines to clear some time for myself to pack, move, find a new place, move in, find my art supplies and computer, and get started working again. During that time, it was a huge help to have Wayno barf up another week of cartoons for me. Thanks, pal. So from now through Sunday, Jan 1, you’ll see some of his crazy cartoon concoctions. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed not having to create them. (more…)

Christmas Cavalcade O’Comics

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Weekend!

I won’t spend a lot of time blogging today because I’ve got holiday events to attend. Since I don’t celebrate Xmas and I’m tired of Festivus, I’ve decided this year to give tribute to Kwanzaa. Some people are all, “that’s just a made-up holiday!” Well, guess what, genius, ALL holidays are made up, by definition. Nature doesn’t have holidays, you big goober. You probably feel silly now, don’t you? Well, you should but it’s the holiday season so let’s just move past that in the spirit of forgiveness. (more…)

Walrus Extravaganza

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Lennon Chair.

Hello again, Bizarro Jazz Pickles. I’ve been away from my beloved blog for too long and our reunion is like sweet nectar from the gods. (My personal faith involves several gods who closely resemble giant hummingbirds.)

Yesterday I moved into my new place in LA and I’m very happy about it. I’ve been staying with my swell pal, Adam Paul, for the past several weeks and he has been the coolest guy ever. But I’m looking forward to being in a place of my own and getting back to work! As anyone who has strayed more than 40 feet from the place of their birth knows, moving is a miserable affair. Many thanks to Adam for his friendship and generosity and to his French bulldog, Roscoe, for his cuddling and saliva. If you ever have a rubber squeaky toy that you want to get rid of for good, don’t throw it while Roscoe is around because he’ll only bring it right back. (more…)

Lemming Fleas Krazy Kamp

Bizarro is brought to you today by Life’s Little Journeys.

As I have mentioned in a previous post or two, I am currently living like a gypsy in Los Angeles. I moved here last weekend from my previous (and much cooler-sounding) headquarters in Brooklyn, NY, and am looking for a place to live. In the meantime, I am living in an old carnival wagon at the edge of town, dressed in a flowing scarf dress and shawl. I’m giving the occasional Tarot card reading to make extra cash. (more…)

Clown Cat Homework Murder

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cross-Country Move.

I’ve not been blogging the past few days because I was moving to LA. I’m here now, without my stuff, it’s all on a van somewhere between the East and West Coast. Unless the guys who picked it up were frauds and are flying to Rio with my clothes and furniture. If that is the case, I hope they’ll be happy together. (more…)

Death Food Turkey

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jewish Christmas.

I’m in a big rush today so I can’t write much. Thanks to all the Bizarro Jazz Pickles who showed up to my talk at MoCCA last night on a cold, wet, damp, chilly, soggy, rainy, freezing, windy, blustery, crappy night. You’re sweet. (Though some of you were dill.) (more…)

Primate Phone Snake

Bizarro is brought to you today by Herpetological Coif.

Hello, Bizarro Jazz Pickles. Today I bring you one of my favorite gags in a while, the “Planet of the Apps.” Early on, I tried to remain free from the reach of cell phones, but like most human earthlings, I failed. I was among the last in my circle of friends and relatives to get a phone (around 2001), insisting that I didn’t want to be that accessible. Once I got one, of course, I couldn’t remember how I lived without it. (more…)

Hippy Snob Poo

Bizarro is brought to you today by Friends Don’t Let Friends Paint Drunk.

These three recent cartoons proved a little challenging to a few readers, so I shall now set about to throw some elucidation on the situation.

One reader was confused by the term “The Man.” If you were not alive in the U.S. in the 1960s and have carefully avoided absorbing any information about the dreaded “hippy” movement, you may not be aware that “the man” was a term used to refer to anyone in authority: police, government officials, corporate executives, etc. In short, “the man” equals “the establishment.” (Note to sticklers: This use of the term actually goes back much further than this, but that has nothing to do with this cartoon.) (more…)

Sales Pregnant Pigeon Egg

Bizarro is brought to you today by Humpty Piraro.

I must admit that I don’t know diddly squat, but I do know how to draw a couple of goobers who might be named Diddly and Squat. How cool would it be to be named “Bob Squat”? Maybe not cool, but hilarious.

I have an abnormal affinity for funny names, both real and imagined. When I was a teenager in the 1970s, I knew a guy whose last name was Creitz. (Rhymes with “frights”.) He always said that if he had a son, he would name him Jesus. I still laugh about that. One of my favorite funny names is a character on 30 Rock called Dr. Spaceman. What’s funny about it is that it is pronounced, spa-CHAY-man. It’s one of my favorite phony comedy names ever. (more…)

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