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Text Bird Drugs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Slow Children.

When I was a kid I had a friend who had one of those “Slow Children Playing” signs in front of her house. We used to tease her that she and her sister must be “slow”. Clearly, this is a sign that could use some punctuation to avoid this kind of cruelty. (more…)

Sunday Punnies #21

For a biggenated view of these images, click them with your clickerator.

Bizarro is brought to you today by Double Entendre Road.

Welcome to my blog, where you’ll see my daily cartoons and most of you will ignore the things I write about them. If you’re one of those who just pops in to read the cartoons and are skipping the hilarious prose that accompanies them, you’re missing some of the best parts: funny ideas and words like “juice,” “parachutes,” “careening,” and much more more. (more…)

Dead Stinky Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Inter-species Love.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you Bizarro Jazz Pickles. I know that VD is a mixed bag (Valentine’s Day, not venereal disease, which is a terrible bag and not a mixed one at all) and it can be everything from sublime to inconsequential to racist? to depressing as hell. I have no control over that fact (if any of you thought I did, I apologize for leaving that impression) but I do hope that whatever your circumstance today, you’re dealing with it in stride. (more…)

Thief Boobs Puppet

Bizarro is brought to you today by Career Opportunities.

When did criminals stop wearing those cute little taxi-driver caps, a Lone Ranger mask and a striped, long-sleeved T-shirt? Probably around the time banks stopped printing dollar signs on the sides of their money bags, but if I was going to commit a crime, I would definitely dress that way because people would never guess you were actually a criminal. They’d just think you were going to a costume party or something. Furthermore, if I was in jail and relegated to wearing one of those bright orange jumpsuits that say “PRISONER” or whatever across the back, I’d only escape on Halloween night. You could saunter down the street, even stop and chat with cops, and nobody would suspect a thing. A Halloween parade would be an excellent getaway vehicle. Also for a murderer covered with blood and carrying a chainsaw. (more…)

Dogboy Eye Penalty

Bizarro is brought to you today by One-Legged Jogging Dog.

You younger Jazz Pickles who’ve not heard of anything that didn’t happen during your own lifetime may be mystified by this cartoon. It is a combination of two famous early-20th-century pop stars: Tintin and Rin Tin Tin. Tintin is a comic character from Belgium, Rin Tin Tin was a canine movie star. (more…)

Big Nose Doggy Love

Bizarro is brought to you today by Frightened Humans.

The first few days of 2012 have got me thinking about new year’s resolutions. I’m not one to make resolutions and have not done so in decades. I figure if there is something about my life that needs changing, I just do it at a time that seems right instead of waiting until it’s time to open the new calendar. But clearly, this year calls for a different attitude. This year calls for some resolute action on my part. So I have but one resolution: to defeat the ancient Mayans and make it to 2013. Take THAT, spooky dead Indians. (more…)

End-of-Year Rodent

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sparkling Refreshment.

This week begins another guest cartoonist week by Wayno. As you readers “in the know” know, newspaper cartoons (other than editorial ones) are typically done weeks ahead of time. Back in November when I was preparing to leave NYC, I needed to get way ahead on deadlines to clear some time for myself to pack, move, find a new place, move in, find my art supplies and computer, and get started working again. During that time, it was a huge help to have Wayno barf up another week of cartoons for me. Thanks, pal. So from now through Sunday, Jan 1, you’ll see some of his crazy cartoon concoctions. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed not having to create them. (more…)

Christmas Cavalcade O’Comics

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holiday Weekend!

I won’t spend a lot of time blogging today because I’ve got holiday events to attend. Since I don’t celebrate Xmas and I’m tired of Festivus, I’ve decided this year to give tribute to Kwanzaa. Some people are all, “that’s just a made-up holiday!” Well, guess what, genius, ALL holidays are made up, by definition. Nature doesn’t have holidays, you big goober. You probably feel silly now, don’t you? Well, you should but it’s the holiday season so let’s just move past that in the spirit of forgiveness. (more…)

Walrus Extravaganza

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Lennon Chair.

Hello again, Bizarro Jazz Pickles. I’ve been away from my beloved blog for too long and our reunion is like sweet nectar from the gods. (My personal faith involves several gods who closely resemble giant hummingbirds.)

Yesterday I moved into my new place in LA and I’m very happy about it. I’ve been staying with my swell pal, Adam Paul, for the past several weeks and he has been the coolest guy ever. But I’m looking forward to being in a place of my own and getting back to work! As anyone who has strayed more than 40 feet from the place of their birth knows, moving is a miserable affair. Many thanks to Adam for his friendship and generosity and to his French bulldog, Roscoe, for his cuddling and saliva. If you ever have a rubber squeaky toy that you want to get rid of for good, don’t throw it while Roscoe is around because he’ll only bring it right back. (more…)

Lemming Fleas Krazy Kamp

Bizarro is brought to you today by Life’s Little Journeys.

As I have mentioned in a previous post or two, I am currently living like a gypsy in Los Angeles. I moved here last weekend from my previous (and much cooler-sounding) headquarters in Brooklyn, NY, and am looking for a place to live. In the meantime, I am living in an old carnival wagon at the edge of town, dressed in a flowing scarf dress and shawl. I’m giving the occasional Tarot card reading to make extra cash. (more…)

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