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Clown Cat Homework Murder

Bizarro is brought to you today by Cross-Country Move.

I’ve not been blogging the past few days because I was moving to LA. I’m here now, without my stuff, it’s all on a van somewhere between the East and West Coast. Unless the guys who picked it up were frauds and are flying to Rio with my clothes and furniture. If that is the case, I hope they’ll be happy together. (more…)

Death Food Turkey

Bizarro is brought to you today by Jewish Christmas.

I’m in a big rush today so I can’t write much. Thanks to all the Bizarro Jazz Pickles who showed up to my talk at MoCCA last night on a cold, wet, damp, chilly, soggy, rainy, freezing, windy, blustery, crappy night. You’re sweet. (Though some of you were dill.) (more…)

Primate Phone Snake

Bizarro is brought to you today by Herpetological Coif.

Hello, Bizarro Jazz Pickles. Today I bring you one of my favorite gags in a while, the “Planet of the Apps.” Early on, I tried to remain free from the reach of cell phones, but like most human earthlings, I failed. I was among the last in my circle of friends and relatives to get a phone (around 2001), insisting that I didn’t want to be that accessible. Once I got one, of course, I couldn’t remember how I lived without it. (more…)

Hippy Snob Poo

Bizarro is brought to you today by Friends Don’t Let Friends Paint Drunk.

These three recent cartoons proved a little challenging to a few readers, so I shall now set about to throw some elucidation on the situation.

One reader was confused by the term “The Man.” If you were not alive in the U.S. in the 1960s and have carefully avoided absorbing any information about the dreaded “hippy” movement, you may not be aware that “the man” was a term used to refer to anyone in authority: police, government officials, corporate executives, etc. In short, “the man” equals “the establishment.” (Note to sticklers: This use of the term actually goes back much further than this, but that has nothing to do with this cartoon.) (more…)

Sales Pregnant Pigeon Egg

Bizarro is brought to you today by Humpty Piraro.

I must admit that I don’t know diddly squat, but I do know how to draw a couple of goobers who might be named Diddly and Squat. How cool would it be to be named “Bob Squat”? Maybe not cool, but hilarious.

I have an abnormal affinity for funny names, both real and imagined. When I was a teenager in the 1970s, I knew a guy whose last name was Creitz. (Rhymes with “frights”.) He always said that if he had a son, he would name him Jesus. I still laugh about that. One of my favorite funny names is a character on 30 Rock called Dr. Spaceman. What’s funny about it is that it is pronounced, spa-CHAY-man. It’s one of my favorite phony comedy names ever. (more…)

Holly Would, Would I?

Bizarro is brought to you today by Simple Logic.

I’ve been thinking about things lately––by “lately,” I mean in the past few minutes––and I’ve decided to move to Los Angeles. The weather is much nicer than NY’s, the beach is nicer than Coney Island, I’ll save tons on bronzer because I’ll actually see the sun when I go outside, and it’s a much better place to be a movie star. (more…)

Environmental Bird Poo Pundit

Bizarro is brought to you today by Not My Lunch.

When drawing this cartoon I was looking on the Interwebs for reference for a Smart Car and found a picture of one that had actually been converted into one of these big-wheel beasts. Of course. I should have known someone would. How much did they spend? Was it worth it? Does he get paid for showing up places with it? Is there a point to it other than to own something weird? Not judging, just wondering. (more…)

Ears, Apes, Magic, Poker

Bizarro is brought to you today by When Do They Drive?

Anyone with a roommate – be they married, shacking up, related, or just sharing the rent – will want a pair of removable ears. They are still in the developmental stage, but I hope to have them on the market by late next year. The perfect gift for anyone of any age. We all have someone who’s voice grates like a chainsaw through sheet metal. (more…)

Hindus or Whatever

Bizarro is brought to you today by Signs of Intelligent Life.

A Bizarro reader wrote to me recently suggesting something about a BBQ that pointed out the difference between Old West Indians and “real” Indians from India. That sparked this idea, which I like a lot. It has the element of the unexpected right in the last word of the dialogue, which is the best place for it. I know this because I am a cartoonist. (more…)

Prescription Giraffe Souls

(For a larger view of this cartoon, click the cop’s handcuffs.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creation.

If you like cartoons I have good news: here are three of them. If you don’t like cartoons, I have equally good news: there are literally dozens of other web sites that do not feature them. The choice is yours, my friend. (more…)

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