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Bizarro is brought to you today by Lifestyle Choices.Regarding the above cartoon, one reader left the following comment: “The idea of advocating romantic relationships between species is disgusting and exactly what the Christian Right predicted would happen if we legalized gay marriage!” Okay, that reader was me, but I wish I’d gotten that complaint because it’s funny.I’ve long called martial arts “the pajama arts” but I mean no insult by it. I find it fascinating that a barefooted person wearing pajamas can beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, wearing protective gear and ass-kicking boots. Or at least, that’s how it happens in the movies.This coffee gag is one that has doubtless been thought of a million times and I did a version of it way back in the early 90s myself. But it’s fun, people like it, and my job is to amuse my readers not stroke my own ego with my clever originality, so here it is. (more…)
My old San Francisco friend and genius character-comedian, Will Franken, who now lives in London, is slated to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival’s most prestigious venue. He’s been there four times before, gotten rave reviews (which I believe is how he got into their best venue), but needs money to support himself while there. Unfortunately, there isn’t much money in the non-mainstream comedy he’s dedicated his life to, so he’s always living on the edge. (more…)
Bizarro is brought to you today by My New Offices!I hope you enjoy this version of the popular horror story meme wherein a traveling couple’s car breaks down and they have to ask a scary person if they can spend the night in that person’s farmhouse, castle, etc. The setup is a bit outdated now that cell phones have been invented but I suppose you could always claim there’s no reception in that area because of inherent evil or something. (Note: I put a little extra work on the reflection in the hardwood floors so please take a moment to enjoy that.)I’m sure one or more cats are actually running for president next year but I suspect that, as usual, The Man won’t let them on the ballot. This is entirely because cats cannot be bought by corporations.I have out-of-body experiences every single day, but it’s always involving other people’s bodies. Something to think about. I’ve always thought the coolest thing about porcupines is that when threatened, they can throw their quills outward from their body. Much like our “goosebumps” or “gooseflesh,” but with consequences.Yes, I know I have a bug up my ass about unnecessarily large vehicles and I’ve done a lot of cartoons about that. Here’s another one. The salesman is unnecessarily large, too, but that’s a whole other issue about the American industrialized food system. (more…)
Lately I’ve been posting some of my daily sketchbook musings on Instagram, Twitter, and FacadeBook and people have been super friendly and supportive. So I thought I’d mention that I’m selling similar kinds of images on fancy-pants sketchcards that you can own in this lifetime. Each one is completely original, unique, and one-of-a-kind (which is what “unique” means.) (more…)
Bizarro is brought to you today by A Visit To A Town In Arkansas Called Flippin.Here’s an odd bit of punctuation fun. If you’re not familiar with punctuation and have never (or rarely) used it, it’s those little dots and dashes that sometime squeeze themselves in between words or hover magically above them. In this case, the little dash after the last “E” in Siamese is called a “comma” and changes the meaning of the caption. Without it, it would not be referring to a cat, which it is, but would instead lead one to believe I had used an outdated, non-PC term for conjoined twins. Which I have not. In spite of the impression your 7th grade English teacher gave you, punctuation can be fun.Way back last Monday I published this cartoon about mice. Part of what’s funny about it is that mice don’t wear clothes or enter the medical profession. At the risk of sounding immodest, I really like this little bait-and-switch optical illusion cartoon or whatever you want to call it. I think tiny people inside of desk intercoms are funny.For the most part, critics have been kind to me over the years. One key, of course, is that critics don’t critique cartoonists very often. The worst thing about critics, however, is that they feel they MUST say something negative, even in a positive review, to avoid the impression that they are ass-kissing. Lousy ones do little more than trash people.This witch/cop cartoon is another grammar-related thing, I guess. Some people think wordplay is lowbrow but I like it under certain circumstance. If you’ve ever had a chicken bone in your throat, this cartoon needs no explanation.This cartoon came to me as I was thinking about the story of Little Red Riding Hood. In the original story, as I recall, the wolf eats the grandma, nearly eats LRRH, then a woodsman shows up, cuts open the wolf and pulls the grandma out of its stomach thus saving her life. I think this is a terrible story to tell children because it inaccurately teaches them that wolves do not chew their food. (more…)
I’ve been on holiday for a couple weeks (SO rare for me!) and so now that I’m back at headquarters I feel as though I’ve been thrown from a speeding car onto a highway full of emails. Ugh.
Meanwhile, here are the cartoons that published while I was away and that I’ve not posted here yet.Breaking up is never fun, even when one of you is made of wood and plastic. Here’s another in my ongoing series of Sunday Punnies, which are puns that readers send to me and I figure out a funny way to illustrate them. Congrats to Dennis Barley, Kelly Cox, and Ed Saugstad for submitting this batch! Side note: The bunny in the title panel and at the top left of the Sunday Punnies is not the usual Bizarro Bunny, but her boyfriend, Sterphen. (That’s not a typo, that’s how he spells his name.) (more…)
I’m taking ten days off, Jazz Pickles. I was planning on creating some blog posts to run while I’m on holiday but I’ve been working my ass off to get my deadlines done and now I’m exhausted. I promise to catch up again when I get back after July 4th.
Bizarro is brought to you today by My Dad and Me in 1974.If you’re wondering what this gag is about, it may be because you don’t know that an Appaloosa is a popular breed of horse. I only know this because I watched a lot of westerns with my dad when I was a kid, which, from my perspective, makes this a good cartoon for Father’s Day. Over the years I’ve often put a “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!” message along the border of my cartoons for this day but in this case I was unaware it would be Father’s Day when this published (I’m required to submit Sunday cartoons many weeks ahead of the print date) so it didn’t happen. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Dad!I’m not normally jealous of the lives of cats, but when I see them sleeping I often wish I could be as comfortable as they obviously are. The key is flexibility, I think, and I’ve never been a flexible person. I’ve been taking yoga a few times a week now for nearly three years and though I’ve improved a LOT, I’m still not very flexible by human standards. Just genetically cursed in that regard, I think.This dental one is a goofy gag and a goofy drawing but it made me chuckle so I offer it to you. Sometimes goofy is just what I need. On a side note, “Gene” seems like a terribly “white” name, doesn’t it? I’m guessing there aren’t many black men named Gene.One of the things I enjoyed about the many westerns I watched as a kid was the seemingly magical ability of Indians to track people. I especially liked it when they would put their ear to the ground and tell you how many riders were coming and how close they were. What?! I’m guessing that was a Hollywood fabrication but maybe some people could actually do that, what do I know?I like this gag a lot because I’ve always thought that the “official” American attitude towards sex and nudity causes a lot more problems than it solves. Having been raised in such a sexually repressive and puritanical society, I find myself uncomfortable with it, too, but that doesn’t keep me from seeing how ridiculous it is. Like author Chris Ryan, PhD., (Sex at Dawn) I suspect that the societal sexual oppression of teenage boys is what causes a lot of misogyny and abuse of women. If teenagers (of both sexes) were allowed to experiment with sex with proper birth control and disease protection, but without the negative stigma of labels like “slut” and all the antiquated religious nonsense that we’ve whipped up over the centuries, people would be better adjusted and society would be subjected to less aberrant behavior. Just my humble opinion.I first submitted this cartoon back in the 2000s, during W. Bush’s presidency and amid his whirlwind of lies about Iraq. My editor at that time wouldn’t let me publish it because he said I couldn’t say, in effect, that the president was full of shit, as it would lead to cancellations in conservative markets. Times have changed, however, and this time the cartoon sailed through without so much as an eyebrow twitch. I don’t know if it is because liberals are much less sensitive to derision than their conservative counterparts (which I believe is true) or if it is just a less controversial notion that all politicians lie. Back then, many Americans were on a patriotic witchhunt for anyone not supporting the war, too, so that might have been part of it. The editor who made that decision passed away some years ago so I can’t ask him.My last offering this week is this lovely festival queen. No back story here, just a little giggle. (more…)
Today’s the last chance anyone will ever have to achieve ownership of this limited-edition T-shirt design that I made just for you. Imaginary studies have shown that if you read and enjoy Bizarro, you are 47% smarter than the average sheep, are 61% more likely to be an independent thinker, and are 72% less likely to accept statistics at face value. If that describes you or anyone you know, this shirt is for you. (Or them.) (more…)