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My Life Just Got Very WEIRD!

The strangest thing that’s ever happened to me happened recently and I wanted to share the experience with my Jazz Pickles.

A friend of mine who is a reality TV producer of note, Jon Kroll, called me a couple months ago and said he was working on a new show and they were looking for a narrator. He’s always liked my voice and thought I might be a good fit, so he asked if I’d be interested in auditioning, even though I’ve never done this kind of work before. I said I was. He said over a hundred others were auditioning, too, so not to expect anything. I didn’t. (more…)

Hunter Fan Hero Liar

bz panel 09-04-14bz strip 09-04-14bz panel 09-05-14bz strip 09-05-14bz panel 09-06-14bz strip 09-06-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Store Manager Wisdom.

 

Phony, fad diets like Paleo are a favorite topic of mine when I can find a good idea with which to skewer them. I think this one is pretty funny. Large amounts of meat are horrible for the human body unless you combine them with enormous amounts of exercise, which our primitive ancestors most certainly did. If you’re thinking “But I lost a lot of weight on the Paleo Diet,” keep in mind that people on meth lose a lot of weight, too. Doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. (more…)

Puke Snooze Drink Puke

bz panel 09-01-14bz strip 09-01-14bz panel 09-02-14bz strip 09-02-14bz panel 09-03-14bz strip 09-03-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Abe and Friends.

Since I was a child I’ve been fascinated by the fact that some animals feed their young by eating something, then regurgitating it into their mouth. First, let me say how happy I am that humans are not among the species with this charming habit, and secondly, perhaps we should be. Some babies have difficulty digesting certain kinds of foods and perhaps a little pre-digestion would be a good thing. If anyone decides to try this with their own baby, let me know how it turns out, and remember that I am not a doctor nor even a particularly well-educated person so don’t blame me if your baby is irreparably damaged by this experiment. (more…)

Spyware Neutering

bizarro 08-31-14 hedrWEB Bizarro 08-31-14 WEBBizarro is brought to you today by Invisible Man on Vacation.

As they say in my home state of Oklahoma, I went “hog-ass wild” on the art on today’s comic. Not only are there a whopping 10 secret symbols to look for, don’t miss the extra details I put in this one, or my toil will have been in vain. The reflections in the counter tops and floors, the nuanced positions of the characters as they record their every movement (bowels included?) with their smart phones, and the tiny image in the screen of the phone of the man in the foreground. I hope you enjoy it. If you will allow me to be even more immodest for a moment, I’d also like to say that I’m proud of this gag. (For a larger view, click any coffee mug.) (more…)

Church Murder Bird Poop

bz panel 08-28-14bz strip 08-28-14bz panel 08-29-14bz strip 08-29-14bz panel 08-30-14bz strip 08-30-14Bizarro is brought to you today by The Glamorous World of Taxis.

I’ve done a few Batman cartoons wherein I riff on the animal choices for he and Robin’s alter-egos. This suggestion, however, came from my good friend and colleague in cartooning, Dan McConnell. (I’ve asked Dan to double all of the consonants in his first and last name, but he resists.) You can see his original suggestion for this comic here. (more…)

Baby Dog Hitman Tornado

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Man, The Cake.

Everyone has seen plenty of parents who have no business raising kids, but nobody thinks they are one of them. It’s been said many times that you have to pass a test to drive a car, but anyone can have a kid, ruin them, and set them loose on society to wreak havoc. (No, it isn’t “wreck” havoc, in case you are wondering.) Beyond this obvious issue, it is also safe to say that humans are the only species actively destroying the planet, and everyone and everything would benefit greatly if we stopped reproducing. Yeah. Like that’s going to happen. (more…)

Godiva Fries

Bizarro 08-24-14 hedr WEBBizarro 08-24-14 WEB(To see any of these images largerized, click any character’s index finger.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Modern Lady Godiva.

This is a fairly simple and maybe corny pun, but I love the contrast between the big hullabaloo I made with such a complex and formal illustration, and the final gag. Does that make sense? I actually used much of this art a couple of times before but what the hell, it took me a long time to draw, I might as well get my money’s worth, right? (more…)

Fortune Butch Safety Bus

bz panel 08-21-14bz strip 08-21-17bz panel 08-22-14bz strip 08-22-14bz panel 08-23-14bz strip 08-23-14Bizarro is brought to you today by Infamous Vessel of Calming Liquid.

Here’s one of my not-so-rare cameo appearances in Bizarro, along with my amazing womanpartner (girlfriend just seems too juvenile at our age and experience,) Olive Oyl. I don’t have a Smart Car, but both she and I have tiny little Fiat 500s, hers is all electric. And neither of us have had our cars crushed by SUVs (knock on wood.)  The electric Fiat is a terrific car with amazing pickup and speed and I’ll likely be switching over soon. It’s actually faster and more peppy than my gas-powered one! And you can go 100 miles on a full charge, which only costs $4. These cars are only available in California and Oregon, I guess because those are the only places with ample public charging stations to support the kind of sales they need to make it worth their investment. And California gives you a $2500 rebate for getting one. Can’t beat it. (more…)

3-D Investment for our Future

Hey, Jazz Pickles. Lately I’ve decided to try to do good things for others as part of my regular routine and I’ve enjoyed the way it makes me feel. I’m not going to be posting about stuff like this a lot, so don’t get your corset tangled, but here’s one that comes from my boyfriend-in-law (my adult daughter’s live-in boyfriend.) He’s a very innovative and dedicated high school science teacher, and a damned good person. (more…)

Suey Horse Locker Hillbilly

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Bizarro is brought to you today by The Power of Art.

 

As with most things in life, Chinese food is about your point of view.

(That sounds like it means something deep but I’ve no idea what it might be.)

(Get a print of this cartoon here.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love Westerns but I always hate it when they shoot a horse. This cartoon doesn’t bother me as much, though, because when I was a kid I was bitten by a sawhorse and I’ve hated them ever since. (Get a print of this cartoon here.) (more…)

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